Fw: Just moved to Texas

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FW: Just moved to Texas

Dear Diary

Just moved to Texas ! Now this is a state that knows how to live!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place!

It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th:

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an

air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.

What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm

turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots

of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing

the lawn for me.

Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:

The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do

people get used to this kind of heat?

At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the

heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:

Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns

over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do.

I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a

climate like this.

July 20th:

I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left

this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita

had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then

popped like a water balloon.

The car now smells like Kibbles and Sh____s.

I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!

And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the

fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell

me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:

Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now,

$225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one.

Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:

It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.

It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate

this stupid state.

Aug. 8th:

If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm

going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work,

the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I

smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when

sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire.

My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all

the hair on the back of my legs and ass . . . Now my car smells

like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th:

The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot

and sunny.

Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do S----

for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up

next week.

Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing

will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over.

Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:

Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead.

Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out

of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he

asked me??? " Hot enough for you today? "

My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail.

Freaking Texas .

What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??

Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.