Let's Laugh

[Guest guest]

Yes I know this is an EMS list before anyone complains, but I thought we could

all use a little laughter on here once in a while. At least those old dogs like

me on here will find humor in some of these. So everyone smile dammit!

Ron

These will surely make you smile!

GETTING OLD IS NOT FOR SISSIES!

An elderly gentleman...

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He

went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of

hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor

and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really

pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've

changed my

will three times!'

========================================= Two elderly

gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one

turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of

aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

========================================

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house,

and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night

we went

out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would

recommend

it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What

is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?

You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned

towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we

went to last night?'

==========================================

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients

being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly

gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet,

who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let

me wheel him

to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the

bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

===========================================

Couple in their nineties are both having problems

remembering

things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that

they're

physically okay, but they might want to start writing

things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up

from his

chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can

remember it?'

she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you

should write

it down, so's not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice

cream with strawberries. '

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget

that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can

remember it!

Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it,

for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,

The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a

plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast ?'

===========================================

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

=====================================

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

===========================================

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new

hearing aid. It

cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art

It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

==========================================

, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a

physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw walking down the

street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to and

said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot

mamma

and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a

heart

murmur; be careful.'

========================================

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http://www.pctools.com/spyware-doctor-antivirus/