Pain med withdrawal

[Guest guest]

I have a little note of warning for all (and praise for my daughter)

I posted the other night and said that I was having problems due to

moving down on the pain meds too quickly. I cannot overstate how

incredibly bad this feels. I had just about every symptom listed on

the pamphlet and online. I was hot/cold, shivering, diarrhea,

nausea, vomiting and just plain icky ALL over. I went back up to 50

w/ 2 -25's on Thursday, but had to change them sooner than the 72

hrs. after vomiting at 1am on Saturday night. I am now on my 3rd

dose of the 50 after dropping (stupidly down to 25 for one dose) and

hoping to feel better today. I spent almost the entire day

yesterday laying around/sleeping. To top it off my daughter got the

stomach bug and had problems both ends yesterday and both kids are

home the last couple days for snow days (big snow ice storm here).

So, I was really stressed w/ feeling bad myself and worried about

catching her germs and all of this has made my blood sugar go crazy

and that's not helping. So speaking of my daughter, let me tell you

I was an emotional basketcase last night. We spent the day taking

care of her and trying to keep things clean for me. My husband was

cleaning both bathrooms and kept telling her to stay out of my

bathroom and bedroom. After the 50th time of cleaning and lysol she

came in again and had her hands all over my treadmill. I said

you've got to stop. She looked like I'd just called her a lepper

and I felt so bad. I was in tears in my bathroom after that and

told my husband I felt bad and surely hurt her feelings. He said he

would talk to her at bedtime. Shortly after I walked into the

kitchen and she jumped. I didn't know what she was doing at the

time, she flipped over a piece of paper and started drawing a

flower. A few minutes later, she handed me this paper. Of course,

it was a purple (my favorite color) flower and on the other side

said, I'm gonna get it so I don't mess it up...

Dear Mom,

When I heard and saw your face and turned around a tear fell down my

face. It was not because that you hurt my feelings. It was because

I really wanted to play with you and hang with you. Love, Kami

I really started bawling then. I called her in and told her I was

so upset because I didn't like to tell her to not be around me or

spend time with her, but that because of all the medication I'm on I

have to be extra careful about getting sick. I have to be careful

with the new lungs and any colds are even more serious and I'm way

more likely to get hers or anyones germs right now. Not only did

she write me a note to console me, but now as I was explaining it to

her she was wiping my tears w/ tissue. I told her I just loved her

so much and I wanted to be a good mom and was babbling. She told me

that I was the best mom ever and it didn't matter if I had tubes,

hoses, the new lungs or whatever. She was so grown up in dealing w/

everything in the hospital, in all the follow up recovery, and now

again. Of course as soon as I think this to myself I feel guilty

that she has to be " grown up " and dealing w/ it. I just need to

stop that cycle of thought or I'll drive myself crazy. I just need

to feel lucky that I have such a wonderful, strong and caring

child. Also, I just wanted to tell everyone that these withdrawal

symptoms are horrendous and when they went to reduce my meds I was

only led to believe I'd be dealing w/ the increase in pain by

decreasing the pain meds. I never should have been decreased this

quick, first it was dangerous, second it was stupid and unneccessary

to put me through this. There is too much going on to have to had

figured out that all this was withdrawal and not

infection/rejection/blood sugar problems, etc. I will be doing the

rest of this weening down very, very gradually. Warning to all,

never stop asking questions, researching and looking into things

yourself... you are your own and best medical advocate.

Take care,

Kerry

Bi-lateral 12/18/08