RE: no hope

[Guest guest]

Hi,I'm dealing with something similar, in that my uncle was just diagnosed with probably kidney cancer (one kidney is shot - the other is okay), and the cancer is also in his liver and lumbar 1 vertebrae. This is similar to my dad, when we discovered that his prostate cancer had spread. My dad lived one month then died. Anyway, my uncle seems to have given up. I did some internet research and found that there are options, but my uncle wants peace. But it seems to be a bit more upbeat now. He's on an antidepressant, and that is kicking in faster than they said. My aunt may be having a more difficult time with this. Anyway, I would suggest an antidepressant, if that appears to be necessary. Also the pain control needs to be really good. Then I would also push for whatever options there are available. And I'm sure this is extremely difficult for you. Of course you want to keep your husband alive and as well as possible. I wish I could offer more ideas for you. I think you are in the right place though. The Mayo Clinic seems to be one of the very best places to be. You might want to speak to your husband's doctor by yourself to share what you are going through. I'm sure the doctor has seen similar situations and may have suggestions.Marie

My husband Randy was dx 12yrs ago with PSC/UC, and gullblader cancer in

Feb of 07. In Feb of 08 we were told by the University of Iowa Hospital

there was nothing more they could do. They told us to get ahold of

Hospice. We did. But it was not what we wanted, so I took him to the

mayo clinic in MN. They have told us that we have options, but there

has been a few set backs from mistakes that Iowa city made. Now my

Husband wants to give up. He wants to die, because he hurts and is so

tired. I dont know what to do.

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[Guest guest]

Subject: RE: no hope My heart goes out to you. Chronic illness is incredibly difficult, as so many people in this group know only too well. When the treatment options for chronic, end-stage illness are limited or cause worse side-effects than benefits, the individual and the family then has to work through so many emotions and responses. Grief, sadness, anger, loss of hope, depression, etc.

I want to talk of many things, but can't post too long of a note. Plus, I think it is harder to write things down than when talking with someone. And, as I write, I think of other posts where people have written such beautiful things. But a couple thoughts: When active medical treatments are stopped or the effectiveness of treatment is limited and someone's life expectancy is known to be limited, the goals and hopes often shift. Rather than hoping for a cure, the hope looks towards quality - that everyday is the best it can be, "living life to the fullest". Hope looks to spending as much time with family and friends and sharing meaningful time. Hope for pain and symptom management - absolutely doing what needs to be done to be sure pain is controlled, as well as all symptoms from depression, anxiety, poor appetite, to shortness of breath, constipation, fatigue, etc.

Many people should be able to help you and your husband move through this part of his journey. Mayo has excellent physicians and staff - and the nurses, social workers, case managers should help both of you. As the doctors present what options there may be, ask questions and discuss how those options may affect your husband (i.e. chances that option X may truly prolong his life, risks and benefits, how might he feel during or after the treatment, etc). Sometimes an individual may choose not to have treatment. He or she is living through this and we may not truly understand all that they are enduring. As people make these decisions, our support for them is giving them one of the greatest gifts. To express our love, our support and show and tell them that we value them and will forever - means so much! And it is OK to cry - together.

Along with any medical discussions, pain and symptom management should also be discussed concurrently. This is absolutely essential. There is no reason for him to endure pain. Mayo Clinic, I'm sure has a Palliative Care Team, if his physicians are not addressing pain relief. Don't be shy about speaking up and asking.

Your love and support are helping your husband, as is the fact that you are there.

Joanne H

(, Ca., mom of , 17, UC/PSC 2-06; JRA 1998)

Hi,I'm dealing with something similar, in that my uncle was just diagnosed with probably kidney cancer (one kidney is shot - the other is okay), and the cancer is also in his liver and lumbar 1 vertebrae. This is similar to my dad, when we discovered that his prostate cancer had spread. ... I did some internet research and found that there are options, but my uncle wants peace.

My husband Randy was dx 12yrs ago with PSC/UC, and gullblader cancer in Feb of 07. In Feb of 08 we were told by the University of Iowa Hospital there was nothing more they could do. . . Now my Husband wants to give up. He wants to die, because he hurts and is so tired. I dont know what to do.

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