Depression

April 13, 2002

I am also very concerned about someone not wanting to crawl out of

the whole. Depression is very seductive. There is almost a thrill at

seeing an easy escape, until you realize such a thing can't be

reversed. I have been dangerously depressed these past couple weeks,

but I also realize this is my one shot and I have got to savor it,

however I may do that.

I don't want to minimize or dismiss anyone's depression. It is a

very real feeling, and it requires medication and therapy. Like

anything health related,it will get worse if it's not treated.

My boss, with the blessing and butt-covering of his superiors

managed to fire me due to illness. I have suffered from undiagnosed

fibro for months and months and months. It feels like it's been my

whole life now. He pressured me to tell him what my health

complaints were and made sure he understood that I needed health

insurance, and he let me go. I was pretty humiliated and lost. Now I

have to cough up $300 a month for health insurance, along with rent

and other basics on a part time job that runs out in two weeks. Work

is agony, but I know I have to find a full time job so I don't have

to move in with my less than compassionate parents. I don't have a

husband, it could take forever to get disability, my doctor seems to

think I should try managing this before I go there. Ha. I am a

breath away from being out on the street and deep in debt. Sure, I

look at the bottles of pills and think, why should I wake up

tomorrow. I'll just stress on my job situation, the money, and the

pain besides. Somehow I hold onto the glimmer of hope that for god's

sakes, something has to get better here. No, maybe I won't have the

energy to find a husband, I already can't have kids, I had to give

my cat away cause I couldn't afford him or have the energy to take

care of him, but maybe I can find some use, some employment I enjoy.

I need to find my self respect again, I have a mission.

Sometimes breaking out of a hole requires some tough, firm action.

Some anger has to be let go. I sit here and say why me a lot, but

then I let it go, more and more quickly. Same goes with people who

don't understand or aren't supportive. None of us needs the kind of

people who make us feel guilty, silly, or uncared for. Even if we

feel some attachment to them, they're only hurting us. It's

important to surround oneself with good people, like the ones in

here, or seek them out. I have been very surprised how many people

know someone with fibro once I mention it. My best friend is flying

up to Maine from Virgina to take care of me for a while and to try

and lift my spirits, as I am in a dark place right now,and have

certainly looked at my pill bottles a few time. No one has to be

alone in this,whether it's just coming online or seeking out other

people who have this in your community. You'd be surprised how many

people suffer from this.

It's certainly not easy. No post here or one happy moment will

change a black mood just like that. It's a fight, but one has to

start getting a few positive thoughts going in their head to begin.

Baby steps for sure. I am starting small, finding tv shows I like,

wesbites and online games to play, losing myself in books, even

though I can't physically adventure out myself, short walks on a

nice day, a chat with a true friend. Am I gonna go out and run a

marathon or play street hockey or party every weekend? No, and

sometimes I am bitter about it, but I have got to find a way to

accept I cannot be that person anymore, and celebrate life in other

ways.

Do I want to be the person I've become? heck no. Sometimes I feel

ashamed of being borderline agorophobic (afraid to leave the house),

crying all the time, wishing I didn't have to get up in the morning,

angry at people who used my illness to push me out of a job. But

there is nothing to be ashamed of. It's natural, you just can't let

it own you. A lot of people here know those mood swings.

As for the physical stuff, I never could have imagined that at 26, I

would be feeling my entire body cramp up, my joints crack when it

rains, falling asleep at work, constant twitching, spasming,

clumsiness, needing to rest every hour, or that the photographic

memory I prided myself on would fly on the window. I was a dean's

list student and now sometimes I don't comprehend the simplest

sentence out of a friends mouth. Balance my checkbook? Even with a

calculator it's difficult. I love to drive, but now I can hardly

drive out of town. Stand up for a long period of time? Sure, if I

want tingles, the feeling of my knees giving out, or tight pulling

pain. A simple gesture people take for granted is an ordeal for all

of us.

Even with all that, I know somewhere inside me is intelligence,

creativity, cheer, ambition, generosity, and honesty. Nothing can

change the essence of who we are, not even a disease, not even a

life seeming to fall apart in a matter of months or years can change

what's good about you. A disease is not our identity, it's a facet

of who we are. I may be trapped inside a body that won't listen to

what my brain tells it, but I've got good stuff trapped in here I

can use to be happy too.

Chellie, you're obviously a good person, people in here care very

much about you...think about that! You still can touch people and

mean something to people, and to yourself. Please don't sink further

into that hole and give in to the temptation not to fight. Fibro is

something your body has, not your mind or heart. I hope you're

reaching out to all of us cause you want to keep going. We're always

here for you, we all understand, and we all want to help. Please

hang in....it's going to be worth it.

Shandi

March 31, 2008

--- I

yes I have PSC I am at the end stage on the waiting list, depression seems to

come hand and

hand with this. I can't work for more then 3 hours at a time, I can't drive

because my amonia

levels are to high and I even lose where I am at in a store. I am tired and all

that stuff this

has been going on for a while it has been getting worse recently. Any way I

know how you

feel. So I spend quiet time with my kids, I read the bible pray alot for a new

liver I found a

hobby that helps me making a quilt. I also work a little bit I record music for

a living but

right now its not much of a living. Thank God my husband helps alot, we are

financially

stressed but hopefully things will get better. This is hard but just get up and

walk even if

you feel crappy just try it. No pill is going to help just know your

limitations and put a smile

on your face knowing some day you will be better! I used to ski, hike, workout

ect... I miss it

painfully but I know I will do those things some day again God willing. Another

tip is to walk

at least 3 times a week for about 35 min. do it at your own pace but it helps.

(don't push

yourself) When you feel good take advantage of it if only for a little while.

Love

PSC 2000

March 31, 2008

>When you are diagnosed there is usually problems such as this have your doctor

get this

under control with the proper medications. Also the medications that you are on

can

cause this, ask your doctor about an antidepressant it will keep you level. and

just pray to

God that he will help you! IT Works

Love

> I know I am not alone, and this group has helped a lot but I am so depressed

right now

that all I can do is cry. As I previously mentioned the neighbors brother beat

me up in Jan.

In the beg. of march I started having seizures and now have had my license

revoked. I feel

so sad and helpless. I got diagnosed a couple months ago and have had two bile

duct

infections, this feels like it is too early in the game for that. Does anyone

have hopeful

news they can share with me. Because I feel so hopeless.

>

> thank and God Bless you all.

> brandi

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

March 31, 2008

>When you are diagnosed there is usually problems such as this have your doctor

get this

under control with the proper medications. Also the medications that you are on

can

cause this, ask your doctor about an antidepressant it will keep you level. and

just pray to

God that he will help you! IT Works

Love

> I know I am not alone, and this group has helped a lot but I am so depressed

right now

that all I can do is cry. As I previously mentioned the neighbors brother beat

me up in Jan.

In the beg. of march I started having seizures and now have had my license

revoked. I feel

so sad and helpless. I got diagnosed a couple months ago and have had two bile

duct

infections, this feels like it is too early in the game for that. Does anyone

have hopeful

news they can share with me. Because I feel so hopeless.

>

> thank and God Bless you all.

> brandi

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

March 31, 2008

>When you are diagnosed there is usually problems such as this have your doctor

get this

under control with the proper medications. Also the medications that you are on

can

cause this, ask your doctor about an antidepressant it will keep you level. and

just pray to

God that he will help you! IT Works

Love

> I know I am not alone, and this group has helped a lot but I am so depressed

right now

that all I can do is cry. As I previously mentioned the neighbors brother beat

me up in Jan.

In the beg. of march I started having seizures and now have had my license

revoked. I feel

so sad and helpless. I got diagnosed a couple months ago and have had two bile

duct

infections, this feels like it is too early in the game for that. Does anyone

have hopeful

news they can share with me. Because I feel so hopeless.

>

> thank and God Bless you all.

> brandi

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

March 31, 2008

Yeah I too get headaches all they can do is give you mild narcotics but I take

aleve there is

nothing they can do but give you a new liver. All they can do is help

alleviate the

symptoms. My enzyme levels are between 80 and 100 and that is under control. I

have

battled this disease for 8 years. My eyes are yellow my skin is dark when I am a

fair skined

person, I look tannish red now so people think I just got back from vacation

until they

look at my eyes they are red with yellow tint (i have coyote eyes) Some days

are better

then others. But I just take it a day at a time and turn to God for He helps me

survive its

the only way. Yes it is scary to think about a transplant but I have no choice

now, so I wait

and pray that I will be normal again one day and that all you can do. Also do

things that

give you moments of happiness too that helps and find a hobby that keeps you

busy and

your mind off. And by all means you probably anger easily like me these days

try to get

the stress out of your life. And above all try not to take it out on people

around you. Give

it to God.

Love

PSC 2000--

- In , " prazle34 " wrote:

>

> --- I

> yes I have PSC I am at the end stage on the waiting list, depression seems to

come hand

and

> hand with this. I can't work for more then 3 hours at a time, I can't drive

because my

amonia

> levels are to high and I even lose where I am at in a store. I am tired and

all that stuff

this

> has been going on for a while it has been getting worse recently. Any way I

know how

you

> feel. So I spend quiet time with my kids, I read the bible pray alot for a

new liver I

found a

> hobby that helps me making a quilt. I also work a little bit I record music

for a living

but

> right now its not much of a living. Thank God my husband helps alot, we are

financially

> stressed but hopefully things will get better. This is hard but just get up

and walk even

if

> you feel crappy just try it. No pill is going to help just know your

limitations and put a

smile

> on your face knowing some day you will be better! I used to ski, hike,

workout ect... I

miss it

> painfully but I know I will do those things some day again God willing.

Another tip is to

walk

> at least 3 times a week for about 35 min. do it at your own pace but it

helps. (don't

push

> yourself) When you feel good take advantage of it if only for a little while.

>

> Love

>

> PSC 2000

>

March 31, 2008

Yeah I too get headaches all they can do is give you mild narcotics but I take

aleve there is

nothing they can do but give you a new liver. All they can do is help

alleviate the

symptoms. My enzyme levels are between 80 and 100 and that is under control. I

have

battled this disease for 8 years. My eyes are yellow my skin is dark when I am a

fair skined

person, I look tannish red now so people think I just got back from vacation

until they

look at my eyes they are red with yellow tint (i have coyote eyes) Some days

are better

then others. But I just take it a day at a time and turn to God for He helps me

survive its

the only way. Yes it is scary to think about a transplant but I have no choice

now, so I wait

and pray that I will be normal again one day and that all you can do. Also do

things that

give you moments of happiness too that helps and find a hobby that keeps you

busy and

your mind off. And by all means you probably anger easily like me these days

try to get

the stress out of your life. And above all try not to take it out on people

around you. Give

it to God.

Love

PSC 2000--

- In , " prazle34 " wrote:

>

> --- I

> yes I have PSC I am at the end stage on the waiting list, depression seems to

come hand

and

> hand with this. I can't work for more then 3 hours at a time, I can't drive

because my

amonia

> levels are to high and I even lose where I am at in a store. I am tired and

all that stuff

this

> has been going on for a while it has been getting worse recently. Any way I

know how

you

> feel. So I spend quiet time with my kids, I read the bible pray alot for a

new liver I

found a

> hobby that helps me making a quilt. I also work a little bit I record music

for a living

but

> right now its not much of a living. Thank God my husband helps alot, we are

financially

> stressed but hopefully things will get better. This is hard but just get up

and walk even

if

> you feel crappy just try it. No pill is going to help just know your

limitations and put a

smile

> on your face knowing some day you will be better! I used to ski, hike,

workout ect... I

miss it

> painfully but I know I will do those things some day again God willing.

Another tip is to

walk

> at least 3 times a week for about 35 min. do it at your own pace but it

helps. (don't

push

> yourself) When you feel good take advantage of it if only for a little while.

>

> Love

>

> PSC 2000

>

March 31, 2008

Depression seems to be fairly common for those of us with PSC. And

when my UC flares up, I tend to get even more fatigued and more

depressed. As other's have suggested, exercise, like walking

(assuming you're not too debilitated to get out and walk) seems to

help somewhat.

For depression I've been taking SAM-e for over a month now. It's

OTC, a bit expensive, but various studies indicate that it helps in

eliminating depression. Additionally, it's supposedly good for the

liver, although I don't know that there's conclusive evidence

indicating that it necessarily helps PSC all that much; but it

certainly doesn't seem to be harmful for those of us with PSC.

(Additionally, oddly and unexpectedly, the SAM-e seems to have

helped in getting over my recent UC flare-up . . . go figure.)

I take 800 mg (two 400mg enteric coated tabs), on an empty stomach,

twice a day (1600 mg total a day). I've been using Nature Made SAM-

e which seems to be the gold standard for SAM-e, but I've recently

purchased NSI SAM-e (at a better price), which I think is probably

(hopefully) a good brand too, and will see if it is as effective as

the Nature Made product. It seems to take two weeks to a month b/f

you'll notice a difference, although for some it may be sooner.

If you're going to try it, be sure to buy a good brand. Shop the

Internet for SAM-e and best prices that seem to change frequently.

My local Wal-Mart is selling Nature Made 400 mg (36 tabs) for around

$35, but I was able to find better prices on the net (drugstore.com

had a sale for a few weeks --$22 plus shipping; and recently the NSI

product-----30 400 mg tabs for $19 plus shipping from vitacost.com).

Now that I'm convinced the SAM-e works, I'll buy larger quantities

whenever I find a good price.

Fred

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been concerned for some time that I am depressed, and it

seems

> to be getting worse....

March 31, 2008