Long Timers.....a note from Denver

[Guest guest]

For the group’s Long Timers……

Many of you might remember Denver

and his late wife Mette. I received

a note from him a while back, been meaning to send it in, finally found time,

so here it is.

Sent: Thursday, June 19, 2008 12:12

AM

To: Barb Henshaw

how am i doing? well, it took

me some years to realize what i'm about to tell you...and, it might not make

any sense to you but:

i remember back when our 'ordeal' began that Mette was

quite aprehensive about having her gall bladder removed.....cavalier as always

i said something like " if i could, i'd trade places with you " (and i

meant it)...she, as a surgical nurse, months and months later there came a time

that she had a MUCH clearer vision of her future than i did (my

denial was complete, but i called

it " hope " ) and she said to me (lying in the hospital bed) " would

you still change places with me? " and i said yes, and REALLY meant it..

here is what it took me years to understand: if i

_had_ changed places with her i would have been cruel of me....because, now as

i look back i know she had the easiest of the two places..her

pain ended....but, when 'hope' left me - mine began..

i'm ok....but, only in a strict definition of that

term....i'm not 'happy' but neither am i depressed to the point that i can find

no happiness...i do have moments of happiness...

i miss her every day...still....and, guess i will as

long as i breathe… i've taken long trips to exciting places...some with a

lady friend, some not...i really enjoy visiting the grand art museums and

cathedrals of europe....but have yet to find someone to hold hands with...

well, i found a couple (maybe

three) who wanted to be a lot closer to me than i wanted to be with

them...sorry but, i just haven't been so interested....

i have, unfortunately, learned

how to live alone...and, i can't imagine that out somewhere is a woman i wanna

share a roof with..

but, life goes on....and, i see pretty faces everyday

that can turn my head....and in almost every case they belong to a lady in her

early 40s (or 30s)....and at 62 (an advanced state of _old_ that i never

thought i would reach) they don't see me, and if they did they don't even

notice i was " checking them out " .....and, if they did they are likely

to hurl a verbal at me " Hey, dirty old man! What

the %# " & do you think you are

looking at? "

so, that is my life....i'm ok...gettin by...doing some

traveling...hearing some good music from time to time...but, not having a lot

of fun..