FW: Jokes

[Guest guest]

Subject: Jokes

Black Boxes:

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had

covertly funded a project with U.S. auto makers for the past five

years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in

four-wheel

drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents,

the

circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were

surprised

to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2

percent of

fatal crashes were, " Oh, S---! "

Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the

final words were, " Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this! "

Football:

Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Detroit Lions team. The

only

thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the

colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer

quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia.

In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier

with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a

15th-story window 200 yards away -- ka-boom!

" I've got to get this guy! " Ross said to himself. " He has the

perfect

arm! " So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game

of

football, and the Detroit Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the

first time in history.

The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of football, and when

Ross asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call

his

mother. " Mom, " he says into the phone, " I just won the Super Bowl. "

" I don't want to talk to you, " the old woman says. " You deserted us.

You are not my son. "

" I don't think you understand, Mother! " the young man pleads. " I just

won

the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of

my

adoring fans. "

" No, let me tell you, " the mother retorts. " At this very moment,

there

are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble.

Your

two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and

this

week your sister was kidnapped in broad daylight. "

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says " ... I'll never forgive

you for

making us move to Detroit. "