Re: Re: OUCHIE!, still hurts

April 30, 2008

I agree with you.

Secrets - the kind we keep in super overly dysfunctional families - are the

most evil things there are. They consume you and as you are growing up you have

all this stuff you are afraid to talk about to anyone because you don't know

what might happen. Then it just bores a hole through you and eats your soul

alive.

When I went into therapy when I was getting out of an abusive marriage (I

repeated my childhood for 28 years) it took me years and years to talk about it

all. I couldn't even look at the psychiatrist - depending on the subject I

still have trouble. I was so ashamed. Thank goodness I have come a long ways

but can still find myself right back there when triggered by my mother or

another circumstance. It makes me so mad that I can't get over the reactions I

have.

When my children were growing up I told them there would be no secrets in our

house. We could do the occasional happy surprise - say a party - and we could

have a surprise present planned, but no secrets among family members. Boy I

meant it. I told the kids to tell everything that happened in our family to

someone if it were something that was on their minds - their friends or someone

else.

They do the same thing in their families. I hope it continues. Some souls

may be saved from the oppressive holes in them, I hope.

You really do seem to understand so well.

Marti

Loest boltzero@...> wrote:

>

We weren't allowed to talk about it in the family.

>

This is the root cause of demons/skeletons in the closet.

You would think that a single soul in the family would have the

courage to talk about the hurt, fortunately is the extended family

like here on the board who will listen and talk with you.

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