Guest guest Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 I'm the survivor of an violently abusive father, and mentally ill mother. The two people on the face of the earth you would think you would most admire. They have human form occupied by an animal mentality. My father has been married 4 times (some people never learn), my biological mother I haven't seen in 34 years. Both are still alive, but in my mind are already dead and gone. I took a stand against the abuse and refuse to allow it to " rent space " in my head. I also have 2 sisters that took the " my father was abusive and so am I " route. That was their choice. They all have burned their last bridge behind them with me, and have been cut out of my life. None of them has laid eyes on my 3 year old daughter, and I take active steps to ensure that they never will get the opportunity to further disrupt my now happy life. Surviving abuse is a mater of choice rather than becoming a victim of it. If you run across an abusive personality, saturate the space with your absence. Don't feed the abuse, surround yourself with people you can trust. Choose your inner circle wisely, and live happily forever after. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 Hi, I had read your earlier post. I did think that was strange. It sounded more like you reached the abusers rather than those that had been abused. I've read most if not all of your posts. I've only been in here a short while but I think you would be nice to meet. You don't seem like a spammer to me. And no I don't think we need to talk FM all the time. I come here to get comfort and info and to meet other people. It's nice to know I can come here when everyone else has decided to be stupid. My son and I went around today. He's 19 and couldn't find some paper he needs for work. Suddenly it's my fault that he can't find it. His exact words were " You could get off your lazy " butt " and help once in a while. " Excuse me! I'm not abusive but he'd be the reason I would be. POW right in the ol'kisser. He appologised later but well you know... Anyway, just stay here. You can email me if you want. bjmfuel@... I've no experience with abuse exactly. However, my mom had a bunch of foster kids. She adopted five to save them from being split up. They are all from one family. They are a bunch a great kids. I say kids. The oldest is now 26 the youngest is 16. Still kids to me. There were a lot of others in and out. I can tell you some real sad stories and some real great ones if it would help. Like I said just stay here. Jan > > Please read my earlier post " OUCHIE! " > It has nothing to do with fibro- unlike a virtual bong that we could all get a hit off our > mouse from- but I need some more reasurance and comforting. I thought that cause Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 Thank you , wise words, very kind. Cassandra > > I'm the survivor of an violently abusive father, and mentally ill mother. > > The two people on the face of the earth you would think you would most > admire. They have human form occupied by an animal mentality. > > My father has been married 4 times (some people never learn), my > biological mother I haven't seen in 34 years. > > Both are still alive, but in my mind are already dead and gone. > > I took a stand against the abuse and refuse to allow it to " rent > space " in my head. > > I also have 2 sisters that took the " my father was abusive and so am > I " route. That was their choice. > > They all have burned their last bridge behind them with me, and have > been cut out of my life. > > None of them has laid eyes on my 3 year old daughter, and I take > active steps to ensure that they never will get the opportunity to > further disrupt my now happy life. > > Surviving abuse is a mater of choice rather than becoming a victim of it. > > If you run across an abusive personality, saturate the space with your > absence. > > Don't feed the abuse, surround yourself with people you can trust. > Choose your inner circle wisely, and live happily forever after. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 I very much like how this is phrased. My father was physically abusive for a long time.. Ironically he changed and i actually love him very much and see both my parents on a regular basis.. But for my entire childhood it was a very different story. Not many people are strong enough to take that choice.. but it is one I made for myself years ago as well. It can be something that happened to you, years ago, or it can be who you are.. I'd rather not define my life by something someone else forced on me when I was too young to have a choice in the matter. I also have to say it is so strong of you to have the ability to see that and take those paths, even though they were probably very hard. We love our family sometimes despite whats best, and I'm sorry your sisters chose that road too. They too had a choice.. They still do, everyone can change if they have the will to. > I'm the survivor of an violently abusive father, and mentally ill > mother. > > The two people on the face of the earth you would think you would most > admire. They have human form occupied by an animal mentality. > > My father has been married 4 times (some people never learn), my > biological mother I haven't seen in 34 years. > > Both are still alive, but in my mind are already dead and gone. > > I took a stand against the abuse and refuse to allow it to " rent > space " in my head. > > I also have 2 sisters that took the " my father was abusive and so am > I " route. That was their choice. > > They all have burned their last bridge behind them with me, and have > been cut out of my life. > > None of them has laid eyes on my 3 year old daughter, and I take > active steps to ensure that they never will get the opportunity to > further disrupt my now happy life. > > Surviving abuse is a mater of choice rather than becoming a victim > of it. > > If you run across an abusive personality, saturate the space with your > absence. > > Don't feed the abuse, surround yourself with people you can trust. > Choose your inner circle wisely, and live happily forever after. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 I learned this concept a long time ago: The wisest person I have ever known is the next one I will meet. My wife an I both have very high IQ's, I tested at 143 while in the 9th grade. Our daughter at 3 is already displaying skills well beyond her age and I am looking forward to mentoring her walk in life. Also concerning having a baby girl, I'm still adapting to " Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice " without going into a diabetic coma. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 We've all been on the receiving end of one or two of those. It can hurt just as much as if they were sitting across a table from you; believe me. Angie Harley Mama Double-D Carson City, NV; Single, five children (3 at home), 2 dogs, 4 cats, snow skiing, camping, Harley Rider, Lone Wolf, Blue Thong Society/High Sierra Thong Snappers member, LFA Advocate, independent, opinionated, outspoken, and open minded. " It's always something. " ~~~Gilda Radner " While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die - whether it is our spirit, our creativity, or our glorious uniqueness. " ~~~Gilda Radner http://angienv.multiply.com http://www.FamilyLifePharmacy.com ,___ ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 The last contact I had with my father was last year when he dropped by uninvited, to tell me he was dying of cigarette cancer. He did not get any sympathy from me if that was his intent. Big surprise since by this point he already had throat cancer, heart disease, and lost a lung because he couldn't stop sticking cigarettes in his face. To top it off he had a fresh pack in his shirt pocket, just nail down the coffin lid with cancer sticks. My father has not and never will take responsibility for his actions, parenting included, apparently feeling he does not answer to anyone. And does not understand that " Father " is more than a name on birth certificate, or genetic link. At least a dog cares for and feeds the pups. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 Yeah, but I still think its mostly the female dog that feeds the pups. My real father turned his back on me when he and my mother got divorced. He even lied to his children later in life and told them my mother was already pregnant when he married her. I've found that to ultimately not be true. He abandoned me and lied about me. Did everything possible to deny me. He was nothing but a name on a birth certificate; and he's not even there anymore either because my " step-father " replaced him. Not that he was a any charm either. Father's don't rank up there for me; I've never had one. I always wanted to feel protected and safe, and someone's cherished little girl. Never did. Obviously, its too late now. Sometimes, I wonder if we shouldn't just forget paternity and child support and leave it alone. It all ends up in the same place anyway. Angie Harley Mama Double-D Carson City, NV; Single, five children (3 at home), 2 dogs, 4 cats, snow skiing, camping, Harley Rider, Lone Wolf, Blue Thong Society/High Sierra Thong Snappers member, LFA Advocate, independent, opinionated, outspoken, and open minded. " It's always something. " ~~~Gilda Radner " While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die - whether it is our spirit, our creativity, or our glorious uniqueness. " ~~~Gilda Radner http://angienv.multiply.com http://www.FamilyLifePharmacy.com Re: OUCHIE!, still hurts The last contact I had with my father was last year when he dropped by uninvited, to tell me he was dying of cigarette cancer. He did not get any sympathy from me if that was his intent. Big surprise since by this point he already had throat cancer, heart disease, and lost a lung because he couldn't stop sticking cigarettes in his face. To top it off he had a fresh pack in his shirt pocket, just nail down the coffin lid with cancer sticks. My father has not and never will take responsibility for his actions, parenting included, apparently feeling he does not answer to anyone. And does not understand that " Father " is more than a name on birth certificate, or genetic link. At least a dog cares for and feeds the pups. ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 Hi , My mother never learned how, or thought there was a problem with how, to raise children. Between my " all powerful abusive " alcoholic father and my " neglectful, physically abusive " mother there wasn't much parenting going on. Neither of them had any idea what made a parent other than by signing the birth certificate. My father died in 1994 but my mother is alive and kicking - if she could reach me. She is still verbally and emotionally abusive from 1000 miles away - which is just about a safe distance. I survived but with those demons in my closet that you talk about - in my head to. There is no way to get away from them that I have found. It wasn't just my parents either, but won't go into that. Suffice to say that while I've stayed out of mental institutions I've attempted suicide more than once over the course of my life, but never succeeded - duh! My brother did succeed when he was 26 and a doctor and I was a senior in high school. We weren't allowed to talk about it in the family. I'm sorry you have demons that still follow you, but know you are not alone. Marti Loest boltzero@...> wrote: The last contact I had with my father was last year when he dropped by uninvited, to tell me he was dying of cigarette cancer. He did not get any sympathy from me if that was his intent. Big surprise since by this point he already had throat cancer, heart disease, and lost a lung because he couldn't stop sticking cigarettes in his face. To top it off he had a fresh pack in his shirt pocket, just nail down the coffin lid with cancer sticks. My father has not and never will take responsibility for his actions, parenting included, apparently feeling he does not answer to anyone. And does not understand that " Father " is more than a name on birth certificate, or genetic link. At least a dog cares for and feeds the pups. --------------------------------- Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 > We weren't allowed to talk about it in the family. > This is the root cause of demons/skeletons in the closet. You would think that a single soul in the family would have the courage to talk about the hurt, fortunately is the extended family like here on the board who will listen and talk with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 If that were the case, we would all be spammers..that's just nuts.. OUCHIE!, still hurts Please read my earlier post " OUCHIE! " It has nothing to do with fibro- unlike a virtual bong that we could all get a hit off our mouse from- but I need some more reasurance and comforting. I thought that cause those people had childhood abuse (like me) that they would be friendy to me. Some really are friendly. Well tonight I come across a real mean one, scared the shit out of me. If no-one responds and I post on same topic again am I a " Spammer " , am I " Harrassing " the forum because this isn't directly about fibro? I think you are all moe forgiving than that. I willgo to bed and dream about love notes written recyclable hemp-based stationary and the great virtual bong that will soon become a standard computer accessory. Please write mesome reasuring and comforting replies. I also love to get e-mail (hint) Peace Cassandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 The last time I spoke with a counselor and was asked, " What is it you want your father to do? " And I simply said, " Die " I further explained that I know where the family plot is, and will at some point need to see his name carved on a tomb stone before it's finally over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 My mother is worse by a mile that my father. My father died in 1994, but my mother is still harrassing me to this day. I have always wanted to feel save and secure also, but like you said it's too late for me. But my mother was worse by far than my father ever was. Marti Angie lovinglifeinnv@...> wrote: Yeah, but I still think its mostly the female dog that feeds the pups. My real father turned his back on me when he and my mother got divorced. He even lied to his children later in life and told them my mother was already pregnant when he married her. I've found that to ultimately not be true. He abandoned me and lied about me. Did everything possible to deny me. He was nothing but a name on a birth certificate; and he's not even there anymore either because my " step-father " replaced him. Not that he was a any charm either. Father's don't rank up there for me; I've never had one. I always wanted to feel protected and safe, and someone's cherished little girl. Never did. Obviously, its too late now. Sometimes, I wonder if we shouldn't just forget paternity and child support and leave it alone. It all ends up in the same place anyway. Angie Harley Mama Double-D Carson City, NV; Single, five children (3 at home), 2 dogs, 4 cats, snow skiing, camping, Harley Rider, Lone Wolf, Blue Thong Society/High Sierra Thong Snappers member, LFA Advocate, independent, opinionated, outspoken, and open minded. " It's always something. " ~~~Gilda Radner " While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die - whether it is our spirit, our creativity, or our glorious uniqueness. " ~~~Gilda Radner http://angienv.multiply.com http://www.FamilyLifePharmacy.com Re: OUCHIE!, still hurts The last contact I had with my father was last year when he dropped by uninvited, to tell me he was dying of cigarette cancer. He did not get any sympathy from me if that was his intent. Big surprise since by this point he already had throat cancer, heart disease, and lost a lung because he couldn't stop sticking cigarettes in his face. To top it off he had a fresh pack in his shirt pocket, just nail down the coffin lid with cancer sticks. My father has not and never will take responsibility for his actions, parenting included, apparently feeling he does not answer to anyone. And does not understand that " Father " is more than a name on birth certificate, or genetic link. At least a dog cares for and feeds the pups. __________________________________________________________ Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 When you don't have " normal " caring parents and you know for a fact that what they are doing is wrong, you for other sources for inspiration. Mine was the TV family, like the Waltons or the Brady Bunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 I'm glad you were able to rise above it and make a happy life for yourself, . Isn't it interesting how siblings react so differently to the same situation. It is certainly their loss not seeing you and knowing your daughter and wife. I was not abused, but my childhood was bizarre at best....I could be one of those on Oprah saying how my life is so messed up because of it. I am not saying that it was not horrible to be a victim like that...I gratefully don't know. It's the old you have to walk in my shoes thing. Anyway, I hope you continue to have a wonderfully joyous life. Re: OUCHIE!, still hurts I'm the survivor of an violently abusive father, and mentally ill mother. The two people on the face of the earth you would think you would most admire. They have human form occupied by an animal mentality. My father has been married 4 times (some people never learn), my biological mother I haven't seen in 34 years. Both are still alive, but in my mind are already dead and gone. I took a stand against the abuse and refuse to allow it to " rent space " in my head. I also have 2 sisters that took the " my father was abusive and so am I " route. That was their choice. They all have burned their last bridge behind them with me, and have been cut out of my life. None of them has laid eyes on my 3 year old daughter, and I take active steps to ensure that they never will get the opportunity to further disrupt my now happy life. Surviving abuse is a mater of choice rather than becoming a victim of it. If you run across an abusive personality, saturate the space with your absence. Don't feed the abuse, surround yourself with people you can trust. Choose your inner circle wisely, and live happily forever after. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 Hi Cassandra, I am sorry you were so attacked. I'm sure you did nothing wrong and were just telling your story. Please know that we will listen and (hopefully) never attack you. I think that if you post something and no one replies, because they missed it or were in a hurry or whatever, the best thing to do is to post it again. That is much better than getting feelings hurt because the post wasn't answered the first time. So I don't see how anyone can call that spamming or harrassing. That's ridiculous! I hope you are feeling better. Marti wenzdai wenzdai@...> wrote: Please read my earlier post " OUCHIE! " It has nothing to do with fibro- unlike a virtual bong that we could all get a hit off our mouse from- but I need some more reasurance and comforting. I thought that cause those people had childhood abuse (like me) that they would be friendy to me. Some really are friendly. Well tonight I come across a real mean one, scared the shit out of me. If no-one responds and I post on same topic again am I a " Spammer " , am I " Harrassing " the forum because this isn't directly about fibro? I think you are all moe forgiving than that. I willgo to bed and dream about love notes written recyclable hemp-based stationary and the great virtual bong that will soon become a standard computer accessory. Please write mesome reasuring and comforting replies. I also love to get e-mail (hint) Peace Cassandra --------------------------------- Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 Being on the receiving end of abuse and knowing how it feels is a good starting point in prevention or stop the repeating the cycle. Just to illustrate the cycle of family abuse and the fact that it can stop: My Great-Grandfather was the kindest soul on the face of the planet, my Grandfather on the surface appeared normal, but was a true abuser at heart, my father's level of abuse is X10 times that of my Grandfather. The abuse came to a screeching halt since I refuse to perpetuate senseless violence. This does not mean that elements are not in place for the abuse to continue, I simply choose to control it and let it control me. When my daughter gets old enough, she will be told the truth suitable to her age group. There is -not- going to be any " we just don't talk about that " . The abusers worked hard to earn the distinction of being identified as an abuser, it's only right and just that the truth be told. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 Marti, All I can say is I'm very thankful you weren't successful. Has anyone here had a truly happy upbringing??!! Love, Re: Re: OUCHIE!, still hurts Hi , My mother never learned how, or thought there was a problem with how, to raise children. Between my " all powerful abusive " alcoholic father and my " neglectful, physically abusive " mother there wasn't much parenting going on. Neither of them had any idea what made a parent other than by signing the birth certificate. My father died in 1994 but my mother is alive and kicking - if she could reach me. She is still verbally and emotionally abusive from 1000 miles away - which is just about a safe distance. I survived but with those demons in my closet that you talk about - in my head to. There is no way to get away from them that I have found. It wasn't just my parents either, but won't go into that. Suffice to say that while I've stayed out of mental institutions I've attempted suicide more than once over the course of my life, but never succeeded - duh! My brother did succeed when he was 26 and a doctor and I was a senior in high school. We weren't allowed to talk about it in the family. I'm sorry you have demons that still follow you, but know you are not alone. Marti Loest boltzero@...> wrote: The last contact I had with my father was last year when he dropped by uninvited, to tell me he was dying of cigarette cancer. He did not get any sympathy from me if that was his intent. Big surprise since by this point he already had throat cancer, heart disease, and lost a lung because he couldn't stop sticking cigarettes in his face. To top it off he had a fresh pack in his shirt pocket, just nail down the coffin lid with cancer sticks. My father has not and never will take responsibility for his actions, parenting included, apparently feeling he does not answer to anyone. And does not understand that " Father " is more than a name on birth certificate, or genetic link. At least a dog cares for and feeds the pups. --------------------------------- Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 I loved the Waltons...still do love the Waltons...really want to be a Walton...I really want to go to their real life home in Virginia...Someday hubby and I are going to go there.. Re: OUCHIE!, still hurts When you don't have " normal " caring parents and you know for a fact that what they are doing is wrong, you for other sources for inspiration. Mine was the TV family, like the Waltons or the Brady Bunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 Wow you sound like me , last time i saw my father before he got sick , was when my 1man was killed in a drunken auto accident and my dad thought he would get a gun of my man`s , NOT! then the last time i saw him , has for 2 weeks before he died in vet hospital in Salem ,Va. this after he would not and did not have anything to do with us for almost 25 years , i sometimes think that is part of my problem , " Being left behind " again , Ethel Behold the turtle , he who makes slow progress wins the race ! Re: OUCHIE!, still hurts > The last contact I had with my father was last year when he dropped by > uninvited, to tell me he was dying of cigarette cancer. He did not get > any sympathy from me if that was his intent. > > Big surprise since by this point he already had throat cancer, heart > disease, and lost a lung because he couldn't stop sticking cigarettes > in his face. > > To top it off he had a fresh pack in his shirt pocket, just nail down > the coffin lid with cancer sticks. > > My father has not and never will take responsibility for his actions, > parenting included, apparently feeling he does not answer to anyone. > > And does not understand that " Father " is more than a name on birth > certificate, or genetic link. > > At least a dog cares for and feeds the pups. > > > ------------------------------------ > > 1. While it is wonderful to share our experiences with everyone on the > list as to what treatments do and don't work for us, pls always check with > your dr. Some treatments are dangerous when given along with other meds > as well as to certain health conditions or just dangerous in general. > > 2. If you are in a difficult situation (doesn't matter what it is) pls > don't be afraid to ask for help. It is the first step to trying to make > that situation better. > > 3. To unsubscribe the e-mail is: > Fibromyalgia_Support_Group-unsubscribe > > 4. Also, it is not uncommon for more than one member to be feeling bad at > the same time when it comes to flares and b/c of that potentially take > something another member says the wrong way. And that includes the things > that one member may find funny (even if it's laughing at fibro itself) > even though we who deal with illness whether one such as fibro or multiple > illnesses try to keep a sense of humor. > > 5. Pls let's be gentle with each other, and if you are having a bad day > pls let us know so that we can do our best to offer our support. > > Have a nice day everyone. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 When you're a parent, the choice's you make in life does affect your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 (((Marti))) I wasn't raised in a super dysfunctional family, but it was dysfunctional nevertheless because to a point, all families are! I think the biggest skeleton in the closet is/was my mom's drinking and depression. She went for quite awhile, especially when we were younger, where she would drink to the point of excess and then drive with us 3 kids in the car. Talk about fear. I remember my little sister asking me once if I could drive us home - I think I was 12 or 13. I said I could if I had to. Of course, we weren't allowed to tell dad, but he knew. She doesn't drink at all any more, but I often wonder if she recalls that time in our lives. Everyone wonders why the hell I am so anxious when someone else is driving - I guess by typing all that up there, I just figured it out and saved myself some money in the process. Now what do I do with the anger and fear that just came up because of that??? It didn't happen only once or twice, it was quite often. Do I confront my mom in a loving way and tell her btw, you driving us kids drunk caused my anxiety of being a passenger in a vehicle? Or just work it through in another safe environment. Shit. I didn't know typing that would bring all this back and up. I'm mad that she did that! She could have killed all 3 of us kids! Not sure what to say now. Guess I'll take the kids to school. Darlene > > > We weren't allowed to talk about it in the family. > > > This is the root cause of demons/skeletons in the closet. > > You would think that a single soul in the family would have the > courage to talk about the hurt, fortunately is the extended family > like here on the board who will listen and talk with you. > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 With the exception of my Daddy being emotionally cold (retired army colonel and workaholic) I had a wonderful upbringing. Annie G in TN Andersen Lander2004@...> wrote: Marti, All I can say is I'm very thankful you weren't successful. Has anyone here had a truly happy upbringing??!! Love, Re: Re: OUCHIE!, still hurts Hi , My mother never learned how, or thought there was a problem with how, to raise children. Between my " all powerful abusive " alcoholic father and my " neglectful, physically abusive " mother there wasn't much parenting going on. Neither of them had any idea what made a parent other than by signing the birth certificate. My father died in 1994 but my mother is alive and kicking - if she could reach me. She is still verbally and emotionally abusive from 1000 miles away - which is just about a safe distance. I survived but with those demons in my closet that you talk about - in my head to. There is no way to get away from them that I have found. It wasn't just my parents either, but won't go into that. Suffice to say that while I've stayed out of mental institutions I've attempted suicide more than once over the course of my life, but never succeeded - duh! My brother did succeed when he was 26 and a doctor and I was a senior in high school. We weren't allowed to talk about it in the family. I'm sorry you have demons that still follow you, but know you are not alone. Marti Loest boltzero@...> wrote: The last contact I had with my father was last year when he dropped by uninvited, to tell me he was dying of cigarette cancer. He did not get any sympathy from me if that was his intent. Big surprise since by this point he already had throat cancer, heart disease, and lost a lung because he couldn't stop sticking cigarettes in his face. To top it off he had a fresh pack in his shirt pocket, just nail down the coffin lid with cancer sticks. My father has not and never will take responsibility for his actions, parenting included, apparently feeling he does not answer to anyone. And does not understand that " Father " is more than a name on birth certificate, or genetic link. At least a dog cares for and feeds the pups. --------------------------------- Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 > Hi, Yes, my up bringing was pretty normal. We loved going to relatives houses, especially grandparents. My folks split when I graduated high school. But they still get along somewhat. My family is rather religious. Not that there is anything wrong with that, However it tends to make the children a little niave. For instance. I know that God wasn't thrown in my face, itwas just the way we lived. Well we moved a lot when I was little. (AirForce Brat) I moved to Pa when I started 6 th grade. It was the first time I had heard someone my age swear. I don't really remember which word it was. All I know is that when you sin, The devil will come and get you. You go straight to he**. So I nearly panicked. Did the ground open up and you go immediatly or did God strike you with lightening first? Imagine my surprise when nothing happened! Ha! Jan > Marti, > All I can say is I'm very thankful you weren't successful. Has anyone here had a truly happy upbringing??!! > Love, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 Jan, I'm glad you had a happy childhood...I did too despite the fact that it was very dysfunctional. We lived on a farm and I wasn't allowed to have friends over ever...so I learned to love my own company which has helped me in the rest of my life. Re: OUCHIE!, still hurts > Hi, Yes, my up bringing was pretty normal. We loved going to relatives houses, especially grandparents. My folks split when I graduated high school. But they still get along somewhat. My family is rather religious. Not that there is anything wrong with that, However it tends to make the children a little niave. For instance. I know that God wasn't thrown in my face, itwas just the way we lived. Well we moved a lot when I was little. (AirForce Brat) I moved to Pa when I started 6 th grade. It was the first time I had heard someone my age swear. I don't really remember which word it was. All I know is that when you sin, The devil will come and get you. You go straight to he**. So I nearly panicked. Did the ground open up and you go immediatly or did God strike you with lightening first? Imagine my surprise when nothing happened! Ha! Jan > Marti, > All I can say is I'm very thankful you weren't successful. Has anyone here had a truly happy upbringing??!! > Love, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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