Re: Re: hi everyone--.....I need help so bad.../

[Guest guest]

Blondie-Yes, it makes sense. Though I've read 3/4 of " Stop Walking On

Eggshells " , I still cannot handle violence and it seems to take the police 20

min or so to get here! By that time, she may have thrown something at me. I

have not been around this kind of thing before and I HATE it!!! Of course, not

that everyone else doesn't....Had a woman, a " Life Counselor " ask me today, what

will it take for enough to be enough for me?! Part of me is afraid and part of

me doesn't know if I " should " do something specific for someone with this

disease? I question my every thought and move. I feel like the dumbest parent on

earth with my daughter though I know I didn't have problems like this with my

son and he is doing so well in his life. I actually can never wait until the

week begins so that more people are at work to where I can continue to work on

getting help.....help for just me and help for her!!! Not enough time in the

work week to get ahold of all the people I want to

contact, etc.

I have been afraid to even do the contract thing. I KNOW I have to stick

with it and I also KNOW she is going to have a fit! Over and over.....it's so

exhausting. I

Earlier today when I stopped writing so I could escape her violence, I was

going to ask everyone, if their bpd had a car or a drivers license? Before these

behaviors got to the point of the horrific violence, I bought her a car and yes,

thinking that it would change her behaviors and she'd be happy. I question

whether I am crazy to let her or if I am crazy not to let her. I personally am

in a no win situation with my thoughts. I think I should know what to do and I

don't. Part of me thinks the way people in Alanon do which is not to take on

the responsibility. If she does something wrong or if something happens, that is

on her. Then another part of me thinks that I should know that someone with

this bpd should never be allowed to drive to put themselves in danger and

everyone else on the road. Please, anyone with any thoughts on this, I'd really

appreciate feedback. I am so distraught. Today, she wrote all over a bunch of

scrap paper on my desk....f

u.....b....(all the bad words and names) and f life and help

me.............which I'm really not sure if the help me was that she was feeling

so much anger and hated me that she wanted someone to help her get away from me

or........if it was a cry for help. Not sure. She also had written me a letter

addressing me by rather than mom and said she just wanted to let me

know that she really did hate me and that she's choosing to leave so she can be

happy and all because I wouldn't answer my cell phone. Said that she's packed

alot of her clothes and good bye! Later, she called and asked me if I saw the

piece of paper on the floor that I wasn't to read it as she wrote it this

morning when I left. Other papers she has written on that I found a few days

ago say, " If I don't breathe, it won't hurt. " All is so confusing and scarey as

well as overwhelming. I sure do wish I did have a man in my life right now that

had been a father to her!! Whew!!!!

I appreciate the hugs and prayers. Thank you and everyone else too for all

your support. I hope I can make it thru this with her and I can be of some real

support to someone else but there's no light in the tunnel right now though deep

down, I know that this too shall pass to the extent it sounds like most are at

now in their lives on here. It also bothers me that I made a promise to myself

that this year I was really going to live, joined a womens group, fully intended

on having some fun....ha!! All I hope for now is my sanity but still wish I

wasn't so old so I'd still have plenty of time. I know some will say for me to

go ahead but it is so hard to plan anything for me right now. It's all I can do

to do my job right now which is out of my home though I work for someone else.

I'm wondering if that book would help me though I still have to finish the one

I'm on plus I have so much more to read and tapes to listen too that I got from

the bp support course. So, maybe I have enough if I can get the alone time to

listen to them and read.

Well, please reply anyone! Also, is anyone on here from Va. Beach,Va???

TxCoastGal@... wrote:

. I wish I had more words of wisdom for you.

I can only think of sending you hugs for your pain over this, and to say

that you do not have to put up with violence in your own home.

I remember you stating that you have already called the police twice.

, it may take calling them repeatedly. If your daughter is

threatening you, you may need to call them every DAY if that is the case. I

love my

daughter very much. Too much to let her think that violence or threats are

acceptable in my home, or anyone else's.

My driving force throughout the years was to teach mine how to live in

society. And in society, these things are unacceptable. When we threaten

others,

there are consequences.

- does any of what I've said make sense to you?

Blondie

In a message dated 5/20/2006 9:49:03 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

connect4love@... writes:

Hi...this is with hopefully a few minutes or so of

peace to maybe be able to write this and read any replys???

I am at my wits end and I am losing it....I just want to

leave and stay gone. It's horrible to feel this way but I

can't seem to get anywhere. I am so afraid to be around my

apparent bpdd. I have not been able to find any sort of

counselor, clinician or psychologist that counsels specifically

for this disorder. I have a call into one place close by that

shows as a treatment center for the dbt therapy but no one has

called me back. Plus, if they only do inhouse treatment, then

that's out of the question as my daughter would have to agree

not to mention how I'd find a way to pay for it. Of course, if

she would ever agree to go, I'll find a way!!! I'll call

everyone for the funds, etc. But, no use in talking about that

at this point. I am a single parent, totally single and it's

just the two of us. I am so beat down. Seems the anger and

violent raging has escalated. CMH (community mental health) whom

is the only ppl that can say she needs to be hospitalized, opps, gotta

get out of here, d is starting vilence

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I don't post often, and have had trouble keeping up lately as our old

computer became VERY cranky & was refusing to work. Finally talked hubby

into getting a new one .... yippee

Now -- on to your situation. I'll go back and read all your posts to get

myself up to speed with your

particular situation. But for the meantime I just had to respond to your

obvious emotional pain.

Keep every note your daughter writes to you. Those can become very useful

when given to the right people -- such as when you're trying to get help for

her. I agree with what others have suggested to you. When she's

threatening to you, or violent, remove yourself from the situation.

Tell her you're not going to put up with her actions, and that you're going

to leave to give her a chance to calm down. Tell her that when you return,

if she's still in a rage, you'll call the police. Then STICK to it! If the

police refuse to escort her to the hospital, birng out the notes you've kept

and have them read them.

DebbieL has offered great advice many many times here on the list. One of

her sayings is that we " need to change our reactions " to our children when

they're out of control. I agree with that, and can personally state that

once I set a boundary and stuck to it, my son seemed to understand that I

was off bounds as his verbal punching bag. It was easier for me though

because he didn't live at home.

At this point in time the only thing you have control over is YOU. Your

posts have a frantic nature to them, due to your daughters raging. No

mother deserves to live in fear in her own home. Do you think you're

helping your daughter by NOT calling the police? I understand your

reluctance. I never thought I'd be in that position either, but twice I had

to call the police on my son. The first time I had to watch while they

admitted him against his will to the psych ward of the hospital. The second

time I was miles away, and he had phoned me at work threatening to kill

himself. Said he had a knife and had already cut himself. So .... I had

the police called again. Neither time produced an instant change in him,

but he seemed to realize that certain actions produced certain REactions in

me. You threaten anyone (or yourself), and you're hauled off to the

hospital. So he slowly began to learn to control himself, and also having

called the police twice opened doors to getting him into treatment. Don't

let the police brush you off. Contact your doctor. Talk to him about both

your daughter and YOUR health due to her rages.

DO NOT allow your daughter to destroy you. My son came very close to doing

so with me -- I ended up on meds because his illness caused ME huge anxiety

& stress. Once I decided I was of value I also sought treatment for myself

-- someone to talk with about the grief and anger I felt at his illness.

That was the beginning of my recovery, and I'm a different person today.

There IS hope, and you're certainly in the right place here on this list. I

think we all have multiple horror stories, but also many successes in

varying degrees. My son has been better for several months now (not

" cured " ), but better. And I've seen how his illness and his fight for

recovery has actually taught him some lessons that were needed to help him

be successful in the long term. He's much more humble, empathetic, and

appreciates the good " little " things in life now.

Take control of your home. By doing so, I believe you'll speed up the

process of getting help for your daughter.

Hugs & prayers,

Joan (in Canada)

----Original Message Follows----

Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: Re: hi everyone--.....I need help so bad.../

Date: Sat, 20 May 2006 17:28:14 -0700 (PDT)

Blondie-Yes, it makes sense. Though I've read 3/4 of " Stop Walking On

Eggshells " , I still cannot handle violence and it seems to take the police

20 min or so to get here! By that time, she may have thrown something at me.

I have not been around this kind of thing before and I HATE it!!! Of

course, not that everyone else doesn't....Had a woman, a " Life Counselor "

ask me today, what will it take for enough to be enough for me?! Part of me

is afraid and part of me doesn't know if I " should " do something specific

for someone with this disease? I question my every thought and move. I feel

like the dumbest parent on earth with my daughter though I know I didn't

have problems like this with my son and he is doing so well in his life. I

actually can never wait until the week begins so that more people are at

work to where I can continue to work on getting help.....help for just me

and help for her!!! Not enough time in the work week to get ahold of all the

people I want to

contact, etc.

I have been afraid to even do the contract thing. I KNOW I have to

stick with it and I also KNOW she is going to have a fit! Over and

over.....it's so exhausting. I

Earlier today when I stopped writing so I could escape her violence, I

was going to ask everyone, if their bpd had a car or a drivers license?

Before these behaviors got to the point of the horrific violence, I bought

her a car and yes, thinking that it would change her behaviors and she'd be

happy. I question whether I am crazy to let her or if I am crazy not to let

her. I personally am in a no win situation with my thoughts. I think I

should know what to do and I don't. Part of me thinks the way people in

Alanon do which is not to take on the responsibility. If she does something

wrong or if something happens, that is on her. Then another part of me

thinks that I should know that someone with this bpd should never be allowed

to drive to put themselves in danger and everyone else on the road. Please,

anyone with any thoughts on this, I'd really appreciate feedback. I am so

distraught. Today, she wrote all over a bunch of scrap paper on my

desk....f

u.....b....(all the bad words and names) and f life and help

me.............which I'm really not sure if the help me was that she was

feeling so much anger and hated me that she wanted someone to help her get

away from me or........if it was a cry for help. Not sure. She also had

written me a letter addressing me by rather than mom and said she

just wanted to let me know that she really did hate me and that she's

choosing to leave so she can be happy and all because I wouldn't answer my

cell phone. Said that she's packed alot of her clothes and good bye! Later,

she called and asked me if I saw the piece of paper on the floor that I

wasn't to read it as she wrote it this morning when I left. Other papers

she has written on that I found a few days ago say, " If I don't breathe, it

won't hurt. " All is so confusing and scarey as well as overwhelming. I sure

do wish I did have a man in my life right now that had been a father to

her!! Whew!!!!

I appreciate the hugs and prayers. Thank you and everyone else too

for all your support. I hope I can make it thru this with her and I can be

of some real support to someone else but there's no light in the tunnel

right now though deep down, I know that this too shall pass to the extent it

sounds like most are at now in their lives on here. It also bothers me that

I made a promise to myself that this year I was really going to live, joined

a womens group, fully intended on having some fun....ha!! All I hope for now

is my sanity but still wish I wasn't so old so I'd still have plenty of

time. I know some will say for me to go ahead but it is so hard to plan

anything for me right now. It's all I can do to do my job right now which

is out of my home though I work for someone else. I'm wondering if that

book would help me though I still have to finish the one I'm on plus I have

so much more to read and tapes to listen too that I got from

the bp support course. So, maybe I have enough if I can get the alone

time to listen to them and read.

Well, please reply anyone! Also, is anyone on here from Va.

Beach,Va???

TxCoastGal@... wrote:

. I wish I had more words of wisdom for you.

I can only think of sending you hugs for your pain over this, and to say

that you do not have to put up with violence in your own home.

I remember you stating that you have already called the police twice.

, it may take calling them repeatedly. If your daughter is

threatening you, you may need to call them every DAY if that is the case.

I love my

daughter very much. Too much to let her think that violence or threats are

acceptable in my home, or anyone else's.

My driving force throughout the years was to teach mine how to live in

society. And in society, these things are unacceptable. When we threaten

others,

there are consequences.

- does any of what I've said make sense to you?

Blondie

In a message dated 5/20/2006 9:49:03 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

connect4love@... writes:

Hi...this is with hopefully a few minutes or so of

peace to maybe be able to write this and read any replys???

I am at my wits end and I am losing it....I just want to

leave and stay gone. It's horrible to feel this way but I

can't seem to get anywhere. I am so afraid to be around my

apparent bpdd. I have not been able to find any sort of

counselor, clinician or psychologist that counsels specifically

for this disorder. I have a call into one place close by that

shows as a treatment center for the dbt therapy but no one has

called me back. Plus, if they only do inhouse treatment, then

that's out of the question as my daughter would have to agree

not to mention how I'd find a way to pay for it. Of course, if

she would ever agree to go, I'll find a way!!! I'll call

everyone for the funds, etc. But, no use in talking about that

at this point. I am a single parent, totally single and it's

just the two of us. I am so beat down. Seems the anger and

violent raging has escalated. CMH (community mental health) whom

is the only ppl that can say she needs to be hospitalized, opps, gotta

get out of here, d is starting vilence

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I remember those days. My daughter wanted to drive. She wanted me to take

her out to practice, and I wouldn't. I told her when I saw her dealing with

her life responsibly, not having to be nagged to pick up her room, do her

homework, etc., and I could also trust her to go to productive places, then

I would take her out to practice. She told me that was impossible, and kept

nagging me. I kept sticking to my guns. She didn't get to drive (the carrot

didn't work), but at least she didn't put herself and others in danger

behind the wheel of a car.

It's scary to live at home in fear of when this volcano is going to erupt! I

remember that one thing was certain every day: she would blow up. The only

question was when it would happen, and what trivial thing would trigger it.

It was hard to live that way!

I kept a diary on Excel, where I wrote down a sentence or two every day,

trying to track what caused this and also trying to see if there was more

good going on than I was paying attention because it's so easy to remember

the bad over the good. Well, no, I wasn't losing my sense of perspective.

However, the journal came in handy when I was asked questions by her

counselors. I had several columns: date, health, sleep, mood, and a short

comment. I wanted to track whether PMS had anything to do with this, or her

sleep habits, etc.

I wouldn't base my decision on whether to let her drive on whether other

kids with BP drive or not. If you don't feel safe with that, then you

shouldn't let her. Others may also not feel safe, but have other reasons why

they let them drive. I think it's very important to the kids to know that we

make our own decisions, we don't make them by taking a poll. Sure, we look

for advice from others with experience, but the kids can't come and say

" Well, gets this so I should too " . My answer to that is always " Well,

that's and her mom. I make my decisions for you, and 's mom makes

hers " . End of discussion. Back to the conditions I set: decent grades,

responsibility at home, consideration for others, etc. (impossible,

basically, for a BP in crisis).

I hope this helps, !

Helen

_____

From: WTOParentsOfBPs

[mailto:WTOParentsOfBPs ] On Behalf Of patricia atcheson

Sent: Saturday, May 20, 2006 8:28 PM

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: Re: hi everyone--.....I need help so bad.../

Blondie-Yes, it makes sense. Though I've read 3/4 of " Stop Walking On

Eggshells " , I still cannot handle violence and it seems to take the police

20 min or so to get here! By that time, she may have thrown something at me.

I have not been around this kind of thing before and I HATE it!!! Of course,

not that everyone else doesn't....Had a woman, a " Life Counselor " ask me

today, what will it take for enough to be enough for me?! Part of me is

afraid and part of me doesn't know if I " should " do something specific for

someone with this disease? I question my every thought and move. I feel like

the dumbest parent on earth with my daughter though I know I didn't have

problems like this with my son and he is doing so well in his life. I

actually can never wait until the week begins so that more people are at

work to where I can continue to work on getting help.....help for just me

and help for her!!! Not enough time in the work week to get ahold of all the

people I want to

contact, etc.

I have been afraid to even do the contract thing. I KNOW I have to

stick with it and I also KNOW she is going to have a fit! Over and

over.....it's so exhausting. I

Earlier today when I stopped writing so I could escape her violence, I

was going to ask everyone, if their bpd had a car or a drivers license?

Before these behaviors got to the point of the horrific violence, I bought

her a car and yes, thinking that it would change her behaviors and she'd be

happy. I question whether I am crazy to let her or if I am crazy not to let

her. I personally am in a no win situation with my thoughts. I think I

should know what to do and I don't. Part of me thinks the way people in

Alanon do which is not to take on the responsibility. If she does something

wrong or if something happens, that is on her. Then another part of me

thinks that I should know that someone with this bpd should never be allowed

to drive to put themselves in danger and everyone else on the road. Please,

anyone with any thoughts on this, I'd really appreciate feedback. I am so

distraught. Today, she wrote all over a bunch of scrap paper on my

desk....f

u.....b....(all the bad words and names) and f life and help

me.............which I'm really not sure if the help me was that she was

feeling so much anger and hated me that she wanted someone to help her get

away from me or........if it was a cry for help. Not sure. She also had

written me a letter addressing me by rather than mom and said she

just wanted to let me know that she really did hate me and that she's

choosing to leave so she can be happy and all because I wouldn't answer my

cell phone. Said that she's packed alot of her clothes and good bye! Later,

she called and asked me if I saw the piece of paper on the floor that I

wasn't to read it as she wrote it this morning when I left. Other papers

she has written on that I found a few days ago say, " If I don't breathe, it

won't hurt. " All is so confusing and scarey as well as overwhelming. I sure

do wish I did have a man in my life right now that had been a father to

her!! Whew!!!!

I appreciate the hugs and prayers. Thank you and everyone else too for

all your support. I hope I can make it thru this with her and I can be of

some real support to someone else but there's no light in the tunnel right

now though deep down, I know that this too shall pass to the extent it

sounds like most are at now in their lives on here. It also bothers me that

I made a promise to myself that this year I was really going to live, joined

a womens group, fully intended on having some fun....ha!! All I hope for now

is my sanity but still wish I wasn't so old so I'd still have plenty of

time. I know some will say for me to go ahead but it is so hard to plan

anything for me right now. It's all I can do to do my job right now which

is out of my home though I work for someone else. I'm wondering if that

book would help me though I still have to finish the one I'm on plus I have

so much more to read and tapes to listen too that I got from

the bp support course. So, maybe I have enough if I can get the alone time

to listen to them and read.

Well, please reply anyone! Also, is anyone on here from Va. Beach,Va???

TxCoastGal@... wrote:

. I wish I had more words of wisdom for you.

I can only think of sending you hugs for your pain over this, and to say

that you do not have to put up with violence in your own home.

I remember you stating that you have already called the police twice.

, it may take calling them repeatedly. If your daughter is

threatening you, you may need to call them every DAY if that is the case.

I love my

daughter very much. Too much to let her think that violence or threats are

acceptable in my home, or anyone else's.

My driving force throughout the years was to teach mine how to live in

society. And in society, these things are unacceptable. When we threaten

others,

there are consequences.

- does any of what I've said make sense to you?

Blondie

In a message dated 5/20/2006 9:49:03 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

connect4love@... writes:

Hi...this is with hopefully a few minutes or so of

peace to maybe be able to write this and read any replys???

I am at my wits end and I am losing it....I just want to

leave and stay gone. It's horrible to feel this way but I

can't seem to get anywhere. I am so afraid to be around my

apparent bpdd. I have not been able to find any sort of

counselor, clinician or psychologist that counsels specifically

for this disorder. I have a call into one place close by that

shows as a treatment center for the dbt therapy but no one has

called me back. Plus, if they only do inhouse treatment, then

that's out of the question as my daughter would have to agree

not to mention how I'd find a way to pay for it. Of course, if

she would ever agree to go, I'll find a way!!! I'll call

everyone for the funds, etc. But, no use in talking about that

at this point. I am a single parent, totally single and it's

just the two of us. I am so beat down. Seems the anger and

violent raging has escalated. CMH (community mental health) whom

is the only ppl that can say she needs to be hospitalized, opps, gotta

get out of here, d is starting vilence

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/21/2006 7:24:17 AM Eastern Standard Time,

dheby@... writes:

Sure, we look

for advice from others with experience, but the kids can't come and say

" Well, gets this so I should too " . My answer to that is always " Well,

that's and her mom. I make my decisions for you, and 's mom makes

hers " . End of discussion.

Helen,

I like your response. When my daughter would say something like this, I

would retort, " Well, you are not and I'm not 's MOM! " Or, " Good for

" .

She would usually drop the subject and move on.

DebbieL

[Guest guest]

,

With the help of the counselor, perhaps your daughter can initiate a contract.

You are entitled to a home with no violence. She needs to understand this

behavior stops immediately.

In the meantime, whenever she acts out, still call the police. Just tell them,

you are leaving. You will not stay there while she misbehaves. As bad as it is

to destroy the house, that's better than destroying you!!!!

Who pays for the car? Again, unless certain conditions are met, guess what,

it's not her car anymore. She has no " right " to a car. She has to earn the

privilege.

Re: letter to you. They cannot be held to their feelings. They change like the

wind. They are very unpredictable.

As far as the note with " if I don't breathe, I don't hurt. " That's a cry for

help. Is she a candidate for submitting to a treatment center?

As far as your sanity, do you walk and can you find some peaceful place for you?

Try to regain your space, confidence and levelness..... The more consistent and

balanced you become in your behavior towards your daughter, the more she can

rely on it, which in turn will help her to turn off the violence and other

behaviors that are not acceptable.

Good luck to you,

Hugs,

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

> Blondie-Yes, it makes sense. Though I've read 3/4 of " Stop Walking On

> Eggshells " , I still cannot handle violence and it seems to take the police 20

> min or so to get here! By that time, she may have thrown something at me. I

> have not been around this kind of thing before and I HATE it!!! Of course, not

> that everyone else doesn't....Had a woman, a " Life Counselor " ask me today,

what

> will it take for enough to be enough for me?! Part of me is afraid and part of

> me doesn't know if I " should " do something specific for someone with this

> disease? I question my every thought and move. I feel like the dumbest parent

on

> earth with my daughter though I know I didn't have problems like this with my

> son and he is doing so well in his life. I actually can never wait until the

> week begins so that more people are at work to where I can continue to work on

> getting help.....help for just me and help for her!!! Not enough time in the

> work week to get ahold of all the people I want to

> contact, etc.

> I have been afraid to even do the contract thing. I KNOW I have to stick

> with it and I also KNOW she is going to have a fit! Over and over.....it's so

> exhausting. I

> Earlier today when I stopped writing so I could escape her violence, I was

> going to ask everyone, if their bpd had a car or a drivers license? Before

these

> behaviors got to the point of the horrific violence, I bought her a car and

yes,

> thinking that it would change her behaviors and she'd be happy. I question

> whether I am crazy to let her or if I am crazy not to let her. I personally am

> in a no win situation with my thoughts. I think I should know what to do and I

> don't. Part of me thinks the way people in Alanon do which is not to take on

> the responsibility. If she does something wrong or if something happens, that

is

> on her. Then another part of me thinks that I should know that someone with

> this bpd should never be allowed to drive to put themselves in danger and

> everyone else on the road. Please, anyone with any thoughts on this, I'd

really

> appreciate feedback. I am so distraught. Today, she wrote all over a bunch of

> scrap paper on my desk....f

> u.....b....(all the bad words and names) and f life and help

> me.............which I'm really not sure if the help me was that she was

feeling

> so much anger and hated me that she wanted someone to help her get away from

me

> or........if it was a cry for help. Not sure. She also had written me a letter

> addressing me by rather than mom and said she just wanted to let me

> know that she really did hate me and that she's choosing to leave so she can

be

> happy and all because I wouldn't answer my cell phone. Said that she's packed

> alot of her clothes and good bye! Later, she called and asked me if I saw the

> piece of paper on the floor that I wasn't to read it as she wrote it this

> morning when I left. Other papers she has written on that I found a few days

> ago say, " If I don't breathe, it won't hurt. " All is so confusing and scarey

as

> well as overwhelming. I sure do wish I did have a man in my life right now

that

> had been a father to her!! Whew!!!!

> I appreciate the hugs and prayers. Thank you and everyone else too for all

> your support. I hope I can make it thru this with her and I can be of some

real

> support to someone else but there's no light in the tunnel right now though

deep

> down, I know that this too shall pass to the extent it sounds like most are at

> now in their lives on here. It also bothers me that I made a promise to myself

> that this year I was really going to live, joined a womens group, fully

intended

> on having some fun....ha!! All I hope for now is my sanity but still wish I

> wasn't so old so I'd still have plenty of time. I know some will say for me to

> go ahead but it is so hard to plan anything for me right now. It's all I can

do

> to do my job right now which is out of my home though I work for someone else.

> I'm wondering if that book would help me though I still have to finish the one

> I'm on plus I have so much more to read and tapes to listen too that I got

from

> the bp support course. So, maybe I have enough if I can get the alone time to

> listen to them and read.

> Well, please reply anyone! Also, is anyone on here from Va. Beach,Va???

>

> TxCoastGal@... wrote:

>

> . I wish I had more words of wisdom for you.

> I can only think of sending you hugs for your pain over this, and to say

> that you do not have to put up with violence in your own home.

>

> I remember you stating that you have already called the police twice.

> , it may take calling them repeatedly. If your daughter is

> threatening you, you may need to call them every DAY if that is the case. I

> love my

> daughter very much. Too much to let her think that violence or threats are

> acceptable in my home, or anyone else's.

> My driving force throughout the years was to teach mine how to live in

> society. And in society, these things are unacceptable. When we threaten

> others,

> there are consequences.

>

> - does any of what I've said make sense to you?

>

> Blondie

>

>

>

> In a message dated 5/20/2006 9:49:03 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

> connect4love@... writes:

>

> Hi...this is with hopefully a few minutes or so of

> peace to maybe be able to write this and read any replys???

> I am at my wits end and I am losing it....I just want to

> leave and stay gone. It's horrible to feel this way but I

> can't seem to get anywhere. I am so afraid to be around my

> apparent bpdd. I have not been able to find any sort of

> counselor, clinician or psychologist that counsels specifically

> for this disorder. I have a call into one place close by that

> shows as a treatment center for the dbt therapy but no one has

> called me back. Plus, if they only do inhouse treatment, then

> that's out of the question as my daughter would have to agree

> not to mention how I'd find a way to pay for it. Of course, if

> she would ever agree to go, I'll find a way!!! I'll call

> everyone for the funds, etc. But, no use in talking about that

> at this point. I am a single parent, totally single and it's

> just the two of us. I am so beat down. Seems the anger and

> violent raging has escalated. CMH (community mental health) whom

> is the only ppl that can say she needs to be hospitalized, opps, gotta

> get out of here, d is starting vilence

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Nice advice, Joan.

Carol

--------- Re: Re: hi everyone--.....I need help so bad.../

>

> Date: Sat, 20 May 2006 17:28:14 -0700 (PDT)

>

> Blondie-Yes, it makes sense. Though I've read 3/4 of " Stop Walking On

> Eggshells " , I still cannot handle violence and it seems to take the police

> 20 min or so to get here! By that time, she may have thrown something at me.

> I have not been around this kind of thing before and I HATE it!!! Of

> course, not that everyone else doesn't....Had a woman, a " Life Counselor "

> ask me today, what will it take for enough to be enough for me?! Part of me

> is afraid and part of me doesn't know if I " should " do something specific

> for someone with this disease? I question my every thought and move. I feel

> like the dumbest parent on earth with my daughter though I know I didn't

> have problems like this with my son and he is doing so well in his life. I

> actually can never wait until the week begins so that more people are at

> work to where I can continue to work on getting help.....help for just me

> and help for her!!! Not enough time in the work week to get ahold of all the

> people I want to

> contact, etc.

> I have been afraid to even do the contract thing. I KNOW I have to

> stick with it and I also KNOW she is going to have a fit! Over and

> over.....it's so exhausting. I

> Earlier today when I stopped writing so I could escape her violence, I

> was going to ask everyone, if their bpd had a car or a drivers license?

> Before these behaviors got to the point of the horrific violence, I bought

> her a car and yes, thinking that it would change her behaviors and she'd be

> happy. I question whether I am crazy to let her or if I am crazy not to let

> her. I personally am in a no win situation with my thoughts. I think I

> should know what to do and I don't. Part of me thinks the way people in

> Alanon do which is not to take on the responsibility. If she does something

> wrong or if something happens, that is on her. Then another part of me

> thinks that I should know that someone with this bpd should never be allowed

> to drive to put themselves in danger and everyone else on the road. Please,

> anyone with any thoughts on this, I'd really appreciate feedback. I am so

> distraught. Today, she wrote all over a bunch of scrap paper on my

> desk....f

> u.....b....(all the bad words and names) and f life and help

> me.............which I'm really not sure if the help me was that she was

> feeling so much anger and hated me that she wanted someone to help her get

> away from me or........if it was a cry for help. Not sure. She also had

> written me a letter addressing me by rather than mom and said she

> just wanted to let me know that she really did hate me and that she's

> choosing to leave so she can be happy and all because I wouldn't answer my

> cell phone. Said that she's packed alot of her clothes and good bye! Later,

> she called and asked me if I saw the piece of paper on the floor that I

> wasn't to read it as she wrote it this morning when I left. Other papers

> she has written on that I found a few days ago say, " If I don't breathe, it

> won't hurt. " All is so confusing and scarey as well as overwhelming. I sure

> do wish I did have a man in my life right now that had been a father to

> her!! Whew!!!!

> I appreciate the hugs and prayers. Thank you and everyone else too

> for all your support. I hope I can make it thru this with her and I can be

> of some real support to someone else but there's no light in the tunnel

> right now though deep down, I know that this too shall pass to the extent it

> sounds like most are at now in their lives on here. It also bothers me that

> I made a promise to myself that this year I was really going to live, joined

> a womens group, fully intended on having some fun....ha!! All I hope for now

> is my sanity but still wish I wasn't so old so I'd still have plenty of

> time. I know some will say for me to go ahead but it is so hard to plan

> anything for me right now. It's all I can do to do my job right now which

> is out of my home though I work for someone else. I'm wondering if that

> book would help me though I still have to finish the one I'm on plus I have

> so much more to read and tapes to listen too that I got from

> the bp support course. So, maybe I have enough if I can get the alone

> time to listen to them and read.

> Well, please reply anyone! Also, is anyone on here from Va.

> Beach,Va???

>

> TxCoastGal@... wrote:

>

> . I wish I had more words of wisdom for you.

> I can only think of sending you hugs for your pain over this, and to say

> that you do not have to put up with violence in your own home.

>

> I remember you stating that you have already called the police twice.

> , it may take calling them repeatedly. If your daughter is

> threatening you, you may need to call them every DAY if that is the case.

> I love my

> daughter very much. Too much to let her think that violence or threats are

> acceptable in my home, or anyone else's.

> My driving force throughout the years was to teach mine how to live in

> society. And in society, these things are unacceptable. When we threaten

> others,

> there are consequences.

>

> - does any of what I've said make sense to you?

>

> Blondie

>

>

>

> In a message dated 5/20/2006 9:49:03 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

> connect4love@... writes:

>

> Hi...this is with hopefully a few minutes or so of

> peace to maybe be able to write this and read any replys???

> I am at my wits end and I am losing it....I just want to

> leave and stay gone. It's horrible to feel this way but I

> can't seem to get anywhere. I am so afraid to be around my

> apparent bpdd. I have not been able to find any sort of

> counselor, clinician or psychologist that counsels specifically

> for this disorder. I have a call into one place close by that

> shows as a treatment center for the dbt therapy but no one has

> called me back. Plus, if they only do inhouse treatment, then

> that's out of the question as my daughter would have to agree

> not to mention how I'd find a way to pay for it. Of course, if

> she would ever agree to go, I'll find a way!!! I'll call

> everyone for the funds, etc. But, no use in talking about that

> at this point. I am a single parent, totally single and it's

> just the two of us. I am so beat down. Seems the anger and

> violent raging has escalated. CMH (community mental health) whom

> is the only ppl that can say she needs to be hospitalized, opps, gotta

> get out of here, d is starting vilence

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Helen,

I, too, keep a journal to see if their was a pattern with my daughter's teenage

behavior. I could not connect it to pms, but I did make a connection with her

social life, if she felt accepted by her " friends " or rejected. Or, rejected by

me! Then, the behavior would accelerate. So, I worked very hard to find

something positive about her to share with her, and put her on a daily award

system, so she could earn allowance for example, but instead of weekly, which

she couldn't stick to, to prorated daily. Behavior improved.

Carol

--------- Re: Re: hi everyone--.....I need help so bad.../

>

>

>

> Blondie-Yes, it makes sense. Though I've read 3/4 of " Stop Walking On

> Eggshells " , I still cannot handle violence and it seems to take the police

> 20 min or so to get here! By that time, she may have thrown something at me.

> I have not been around this kind of thing before and I HATE it!!! Of course,

> not that everyone else doesn't....Had a woman, a " Life Counselor " ask me

> today, what will it take for enough to be enough for me?! Part of me is

> afraid and part of me doesn't know if I " should " do something specific for

> someone with this disease? I question my every thought and move. I feel like

> the dumbest parent on earth with my daughter though I know I didn't have

> problems like this with my son and he is doing so well in his life. I

> actually can never wait until the week begins so that more people are at

> work to where I can continue to work on getting help.....help for just me

> and help for her!!! Not enough time in the work week to get ahold of all the

> people I want to

> contact, etc.

> I have been afraid to even do the contract thing. I KNOW I have to

> stick with it and I also KNOW she is going to have a fit! Over and

> over.....it's so exhausting. I

> Earlier today when I stopped writing so I could escape her violence, I

> was going to ask everyone, if their bpd had a car or a drivers license?

> Before these behaviors got to the point of the horrific violence, I bought

> her a car and yes, thinking that it would change her behaviors and she'd be

> happy. I question whether I am crazy to let her or if I am crazy not to let

> her. I personally am in a no win situation with my thoughts. I think I

> should know what to do and I don't. Part of me thinks the way people in

> Alanon do which is not to take on the responsibility. If she does something

> wrong or if something happens, that is on her. Then another part of me

> thinks that I should know that someone with this bpd should never be allowed

> to drive to put themselves in danger and everyone else on the road. Please,

> anyone with any thoughts on this, I'd really appreciate feedback. I am so

> distraught. Today, she wrote all over a bunch of scrap paper on my

> desk....f

> u.....b....(all the bad words and names) and f life and help

> me.............which I'm really not sure if the help me was that she was

> feeling so much anger and hated me that she wanted someone to help her get

> away from me or........if it was a cry for help. Not sure. She also had

> written me a letter addressing me by rather than mom and said she

> just wanted to let me know that she really did hate me and that she's

> choosing to leave so she can be happy and all because I wouldn't answer my

> cell phone. Said that she's packed alot of her clothes and good bye! Later,

> she called and asked me if I saw the piece of paper on the floor that I

> wasn't to read it as she wrote it this morning when I left. Other papers

> she has written on that I found a few days ago say, " If I don't breathe, it

> won't hurt. " All is so confusing and scarey as well as overwhelming. I sure

> do wish I did have a man in my life right now that had been a father to

> her!! Whew!!!!

> I appreciate the hugs and prayers. Thank you and everyone else too for

> all your support. I hope I can make it thru this with her and I can be of

> some real support to someone else but there's no light in the tunnel right

> now though deep down, I know that this too shall pass to the extent it

> sounds like most are at now in their lives on here. It also bothers me that

> I made a promise to myself that this year I was really going to live, joined

> a womens group, fully intended on having some fun....ha!! All I hope for now

> is my sanity but still wish I wasn't so old so I'd still have plenty of

> time. I know some will say for me to go ahead but it is so hard to plan

> anything for me right now. It's all I can do to do my job right now which

> is out of my home though I work for someone else. I'm wondering if that

> book would help me though I still have to finish the one I'm on plus I have

> so much more to read and tapes to listen too that I got from

> the bp support course. So, maybe I have enough if I can get the alone time

> to listen to them and read.

> Well, please reply anyone! Also, is anyone on here from Va. Beach,Va???

>

> TxCoastGal@... wrote:

>

> . I wish I had more words of wisdom for you.

> I can only think of sending you hugs for your pain over this, and to say

> that you do not have to put up with violence in your own home.

>

> I remember you stating that you have already called the police twice.

> , it may take calling them repeatedly. If your daughter is

> threatening you, you may need to call them every DAY if that is the case.

> I love my

> daughter very much. Too much to let her think that violence or threats are

>

> acceptable in my home, or anyone else's.

> My driving force throughout the years was to teach mine how to live in

> society. And in society, these things are unacceptable. When we threaten

> others,

> there are consequences.

>

> - does any of what I've said make sense to you?

>

> Blondie

>

>

>

> In a message dated 5/20/2006 9:49:03 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

> connect4love@... writes:

>

> Hi...this is with hopefully a few minutes or so of

> peace to maybe be able to write this and read any replys???

> I am at my wits end and I am losing it....I just want to

> leave and stay gone. It's horrible to feel this way but I

> can't seem to get anywhere. I am so afraid to be around my

> apparent bpdd. I have not been able to find any sort of

> counselor, clinician or psychologist that counsels specifically

> for this disorder. I have a call into one place close by that

> shows as a treatment center for the dbt therapy but no one has

> called me back. Plus, if they only do inhouse treatment, then

> that's out of the question as my daughter would have to agree

> not to mention how I'd find a way to pay for it. Of course, if

> she would ever agree to go, I'll find a way!!! I'll call

> everyone for the funds, etc. But, no use in talking about that

> at this point. I am a single parent, totally single and it's

> just the two of us. I am so beat down. Seems the anger and

> violent raging has escalated. CMH (community mental health) whom

> is the only ppl that can say she needs to be hospitalized, opps, gotta

> get out of here, d is starting vilence

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Carol,

I did something like that with her too. I had a daily list of chores for her

to do, and her allowance was based on how much she had done by the end of

the week. However, to encourage consistency you had to have five of a kind

done for it to count (picking up your room only once in the week didn't get

you anything). That helped for a while, and then I had to change it. I have

made many changes to the allowance and rewards systems over the years! It

seems that we are constantly adjusting for these kids!

Helen

> RE: Re: hi everyone--.....I need

> help so bad.../

>

> Helen,

>

> I, too, keep a journal to see if their was a pattern with my

> daughter's teenage behavior. I could not connect it to pms,

> but I did make a connection with her social life, if she felt

> accepted by her " friends " or rejected. Or, rejected by me!

> Then, the behavior would accelerate. So, I worked very hard

> to find something positive about her to share with her, and

> put her on a daily award system, so she could earn allowance

> for example, but instead of weekly, which she couldn't stick

> to, to prorated daily. Behavior improved.

>

> Carol

>

> --------- Re: Re: hi everyone--.....I need help so

> > bad.../

> >

> >

> > Blondie-Yes, it makes sense. Though I've read 3/4 of " Stop

> Walking On

> > Eggshells " , I still cannot handle violence and it seems to take the

> > police 20 min or so to get here! By that time, she may have

> thrown something at me.

> > I have not been around this kind of thing before and I HATE

> it!!! Of

> > course, not that everyone else doesn't....Had a woman, a " Life

> > Counselor " ask me today, what will it take for enough to be

> enough for

> > me?! Part of me is afraid and part of me doesn't know if I

> " should " do

> > something specific for someone with this disease? I

> question my every

> > thought and move. I feel like the dumbest parent on earth with my

> > daughter though I know I didn't have problems like this with my son

> > and he is doing so well in his life. I actually can never

> wait until

> > the week begins so that more people are at work to where I can

> > continue to work on getting help.....help for just me and help for

> > her!!! Not enough time in the work week to get ahold of all

> the people

> > I want to contact, etc.

> > I have been afraid to even do the contract thing. I KNOW I have to

> > stick with it and I also KNOW she is going to have a fit! Over and

> > over.....it's so exhausting. I Earlier today when I stopped

> writing so

> > I could escape her violence, I was going to ask everyone,

> if their bpd

> > had a car or a drivers license?

> > Before these behaviors got to the point of the horrific violence, I

> > bought her a car and yes, thinking that it would change her

> behaviors

> > and she'd be happy. I question whether I am crazy to let

> her or if I

> > am crazy not to let her. I personally am in a no win

> situation with my

> > thoughts. I think I should know what to do and I don't. Part of me

> > thinks the way people in Alanon do which is not to take on the

> > responsibility. If she does something wrong or if something

> happens,

> > that is on her. Then another part of me thinks that I

> should know that

> > someone with this bpd should never be allowed to drive to put

> > themselves in danger and everyone else on the road. Please, anyone

> > with any thoughts on this, I'd really appreciate feedback. I am so

> > distraught. Today, she wrote all over a bunch of scrap paper on my

> > desk....f u.....b....(all the bad words and names) and f

> life and help

> > me.............which I'm really not sure if the help me was

> that she

> > was feeling so much anger and hated me that she wanted

> someone to help

> > her get away from me or........if it was a cry for help.

> Not sure. She

> > also had written me a letter addressing me by

> rather than mom

> > and said she just wanted to let me know that she really did hate me

> > and that she's choosing to leave so she can be happy and

> all because I

> > wouldn't answer my cell phone. Said that she's packed alot of her

> > clothes and good bye! Later, she called and asked me if I saw the

> > piece of paper on the floor that I wasn't to read it as she

> wrote it

> > this morning when I left. Other papers she has written on

> that I found

> > a few days ago say, " If I don't breathe, it won't hurt. " All is so

> > confusing and scarey as well as overwhelming. I sure do wish I did

> > have a man in my life right now that had been a father to

> her!! Whew!!!!

> > I appreciate the hugs and prayers. Thank you and everyone

> else too for

> > all your support. I hope I can make it thru this with her

> and I can be

> > of some real support to someone else but there's no light in the

> > tunnel right now though deep down, I know that this too

> shall pass to

> > the extent it sounds like most are at now in their lives on

> here. It

> > also bothers me that I made a promise to myself that this

> year I was

> > really going to live, joined a womens group, fully intended

> on having

> > some fun....ha!! All I hope for now is my sanity but still wish I

> > wasn't so old so I'd still have plenty of time. I know some

> will say

> > for me to go ahead but it is so hard to plan anything for me right

> > now. It's all I can do to do my job right now which is out

> of my home

> > though I work for someone else. I'm wondering if that book

> would help

> > me though I still have to finish the one I'm on plus I have so much

> > more to read and tapes to listen too that I got from the bp support

> > course. So, maybe I have enough if I can get the alone time

> to listen to them and read.

> > Well, please reply anyone! Also, is anyone on here from Va.

> Beach,Va???

> >

> > TxCoastGal@... wrote:

> >

> > . I wish I had more words of wisdom for you.

> > I can only think of sending you hugs for your pain over

> this, and to

> > say that you do not have to put up with violence in your own home.

> >

> > I remember you stating that you have already called the

> police twice.

> > , it may take calling them repeatedly. If your daughter is

> > threatening you, you may need to call them every DAY if

> that is the case.

> > I love my

> > daughter very much. Too much to let her think that violence

> or threats

> > are

> >

> > acceptable in my home, or anyone else's.

> > My driving force throughout the years was to teach mine how

> to live in

> > society. And in society, these things are unacceptable. When we

> > threaten others, there are consequences.

> >

> > - does any of what I've said make sense to you?

> >

> > Blondie

> >

> >

> >

> > In a message dated 5/20/2006 9:49:03 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > connect4love@... writes:

> >

> > Hi...this is with hopefully a few minutes or so of

> peace to

> > maybe be able to write this and read any replys???

> > I am at my wits end and I am losing it....I just want to leave and

> > stay gone. It's horrible to feel this way but I can't seem to get

> > anywhere. I am so afraid to be around my apparent bpdd. I have not

> > been able to find any sort of counselor, clinician or psychologist

> > that counsels specifically for this disorder. I have a call

> into one

> > place close by that shows as a treatment center for the dbt therapy

> > but no one has called me back. Plus, if they only do inhouse

> > treatment, then that's out of the question as my daughter

> would have

> > to agree not to mention how I'd find a way to pay for it.

> Of course,

> > if she would ever agree to go, I'll find a way!!! I'll call

> everyone

> > for the funds, etc. But, no use in talking about that at

> this point. I

> > am a single parent, totally single and it's just the two of

> us. I am

> > so beat down. Seems the anger and violent raging has escalated. CMH

> > (community mental health) whom is the only ppl that can say

> she needs

> > to be hospitalized, opps, gotta get out of here, d is

> starting vilence

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

That same kind of response works well for us, too.

Toni

funnygirl1154@... wrote:

In a message dated 5/21/2006 7:24:17 AM Eastern Standard Time,

dheby@... writes:

Sure, we look

for advice from others with experience, but the kids can't come and say

" Well, gets this so I should too " . My answer to that is always " Well,

that's and her mom. I make my decisions for you, and 's mom makes

hers " . End of discussion.

Helen,

I like your response. When my daughter would say something like this, I

would retort, " Well, you are not and I'm not 's MOM! " Or, " Good for

" .

She would usually drop the subject and move on.

DebbieL