Siblings and Grandparents and BPD

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/5/2006 3:30:06 PM Eastern Standard Time,

shadoweve@... writes:

My mother's mother (grandma ) used to be so mean to the kids.

She had custody of my sister from age 2-4 and she used to lock her

up in the walk-in hall closet from right after breakfast till just

before bedtime.

I just realized something else with all this stuff w/my grandson. For his

first 3 years of life, my son and his mother would lock him in his bedroom all

day so they could " sleep off " their nitely drinking. No wonder he's wound up

like an 8 day clock!!

DebbieL

[Guest guest]

HOW COME we can't see the obvious when its smacking us in the face??

Right now...along with my third cup of coffee, I have had to bring

out the big guns! Dark Chocolate candy from the Candy Basket in

Gresham Oregon!!!

My sister (my only sibling) suffered with BPD!! It just now hit me!

All this time I attributed all her behavorial stuff to alcohol. I

now see it was more than than mood swings and her constant crying

jags, her demands on everybody and he abandonment of her kids. Oh I

can't bear to think about it.....I am going to go take a nap. This

is just too overwhelming.

Jean, your post hit me right in the face.

My mother's mother (grandma ) used to be so mean to the kids.

She had custody of my sister from age 2-4 and she used to lock her

up in the walk-in hall closet from right after breakfast till just

before bedtime. No way to go pottie, no water, no playmates and no

light. It was like a cave. My cousins who lived next door told me

that my sister (Sondra) would scream and cry hysterically. But

grandma gleefully ignored her. It was only when grandpa came home

unexpentantly and found out what was going on that all hell broke

loose and Sondra got out of the closet. Whimpering and hysterical. I

dont know what kept grandpa from killing grandma. He used to get

very angry over this and yet, he never did anything sucessful to

stop it. My sister grew up to be a highly functioning wild woman who

drank herself to death.

It is only right now, today that I realized she had to have suffered

witih BPD and that my grandmother was most likely a sciopath. I

think I am going to be sick.

I have had all I can handle today. I will be back tomorrow when I

have had some time to get out from under all this flooding of

emotion.

Shanara

>

> Shanara

>

> I read that one (The Sociopath Next Door) last summer. Wasn't

that an eye

> openeer. I think my grandmother on my father's side fit the bill

on that one.

> SHe was sooo tapped. When I was a child, my mother left me with

her over

> Chrisitmas vacation while she was working and the woman locked me

in her

> basement (dirt floor, old coal furnace and 5 scrungy cats all

rubbing up against

> me-----I still cringe). I screamed and cried and when she opened

the door to

> let me out she said, " Oh I must have forgotten you " and smiled

her fake

> little smile. Another time I was with her, I became ill with an

upset stomach and

> she locked me in the bedroom for what seemed like most of the

day so that I

> vomited all over the floor. Rumor had it that my father's two

little

> brothers died of neglect back in the 30's within 6 weeks of each

other. Perhaps

> they died at her hand ---never mind neglect. They were 3 and 4

years old.

>

> And then when I was engaged to my ex and my picture was in the

paper, she

> sent me a letter with all cut out words from newspapers and

magazines (like you

> see in movies) telling me she hoped I got killed in a car

accident. I know

> it was her because my aunt (by marriage) had her living with them

in an in

> law apt in her house and she found the magazines with all the

words cut out.

> My aunt always felt bad for her but also has always said my

grandmother was

> never " right " .

>

> Don't know why I am still sane. Maybe I am not !!!

>

> Jean

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Shanara

I am sorry that my stroll down memory lane stirred up all those horrible

memories for you. It is really strange how children react differently to what

is done to them. I wonder what I would be like today had I had to actually be

raised by that evil nutcase. Your poor sister.

I do think getting all these memories and crap from our childhoods and

analyzing us and our children is a good thing. It brings the garbage to the

surface so we can then see it for what it is and rid ourselves of it.

I " think " dear old gram. had no effect on me, but she may have contirbuted

to my fears of abandonment as a child and young woman. Who knows, perhaps,

had I not had to deal with her and my father's alcoholism (now we know why he

was an alcoholic), I might have had a good marriage to someone without the

baggage he had (his father blew out his brains when my ex was 10---he had an

inoperable brain tumor). My ex had just had a big fight with his dad and the

dad went out into his backyard and killed himself. A lot for a 10 yr old to

deal with. My ex has no emotions---I used to refer to him as Mr Spock.

Brilliant but NO emotion to this day. I guess, in retrospect he must have just

shut down as a child and has felt nothing all these years.

I hope you are feeling better tonight.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Shanara

I am very sorry that your sister has passed on and was obviously so unhappy

all her life. It's just one big domino effect, isn't it. What people do to

other people is criminal.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Shanara

What was your mother like? Did your grandmother torture her growing up as

well?

Jean

[Guest guest]

Shanara, as I wrote in my last post re: grandmothers, I believe that much

of this is passed down to family. I have a sister that has been diagnosed

bi-polar, but honestly she seems more like bpd to me!

I think often, how my daughter and my sister have many similarities.

My sister was often called selfish, spoiled, and jealous.

I remember one time when my sister's husband told my mother (after my Dad's

funeral), that he loved her. My sister became really mad! Over her husband

telling my mother that he loved her! This is a man who'd known my mother and

Dad his whole life. I would have given my eye teeth for one of my husband's

to have held my mother in that regard.

My sister will retell things, to this day, that have no bearing in the

truth. I'm not sure if she knows that she is telling falsehoods, or if she

believes them!

Blondie

In a message dated 6/5/2006 2:30:07 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

shadoweve@... writes:

HOW COME we can't see the obvious when its smacking us in the face??

Right now...along with my third cup of coffee, I have had to bring

out the big guns! Dark Chocolate candy from the Candy Basket in

Gresham Oregon!!!

My sister (my only sibling) suffered with BPD!! It just now hit me!

All this time I attributed all her behavorial stuff to alcohol. I

now see it was more than than mood swings and her constant crying

jags, her demands on everybody and he abandonment of her kids

[Guest guest]

Below you say...my son and his mother... that would be you.. who did you mean?

S

Re: Siblings and Grandparents and BPD

In a message dated 6/5/2006 3:30:06 PM Eastern Standard Time,

shadoweve@... writes:

My mother's mother (grandma ) used to be so mean to the kids.

She had custody of my sister from age 2-4 and she used to lock her

up in the walk-in hall closet from right after breakfast till just

before bedtime.

I just realized something else with all this stuff w/my grandson. For his

first 3 years of life, my son and his mother would lock him in his bedroom all

day so they could " sleep off " their nitely drinking. No wonder he's wound up

like an 8 day clock!!

DebbieL

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/6/2006 6:33:34 AM Eastern Standard Time,

lolxoxo444@... writes:

Below you say...my son and his mother... that would be you.. who did you mean?

S

I was referring to my grandson, the child of my son and grandson's mother.

DebbieL