Re: Jean / Catching up / K (long...)/Blondie

[Guest guest]

Amen!

I am going to copy this and paste it around my house.

Milena

TxCoastGal@... wrote:

Oh you poor dear, Jean.

Ok - number one - you say you're sick of listening to all this.

Yes, you are sick Jean. You have been enmeshed so deeply that it made you

physically ill. You said you felt you might have been having a stroke.

STOP!

You say in the post below - I have to go there and watch two screaming

babies. No, no, you do not. You do not have to do ONE blessed thing to lift a

finger in K's situation. Nothing. Zip. Nada. You owe her nothing.

Jean, I am not trying to sound harsh but you have either to begin a

consistent set of boundaries, or it will put you in your grave. We are not

getting

any younger Jean. Do you want to go on til you die thinking you're

responsible to

a. pay the mortgage

b. babysit at the drop of a hat, any, and every time she wishes

c. be the recipient of her verbal abuse - including, but not limited to:

name calling, threats (everything from 'you can't see the kids', to 'if

you don't do it my way .. blah, blah, blah',

her deadlines (making you feel under pressure)

d. have a gun held to your head with her emotional blackmail

e. have the dirtbag son in law running around partying and not

being responsible for even paying for diapers for those children,

not to mention food, clothing, the whole ball of wax.....

f. pay the mortgage and possibly then be supporting the dirtbag that

might be living there FREE from your earnings..... and possibly

impregnating K again while doing it?

Jean - I say all this because I've grown to love and care about you here.

And because I hear my own feelings when you speak. When my dirtbag son in law

was still alive the feelings that I had were just like yours.

Helen, Milena, Debbie, Carol, Toni, Kelley, and more folks (including

yourself) have said to create boundaries. Limitations. Stick with them. Do not

allow yourself to go down with her. Someone likened this to their family

drowning, and the bpd child pulling them down with her by flailing her arms and

saying ' go away ', until they all drowned.

Print out the words from all of them and STICK with it!!! Please do not

drown, Jean! Please. Save yourself. You must, or you'll not be able to be

there for your grandchildren.

Make a list of things you WILL, and things that you WILL NOT do.

It's hard! It's terribly hard. You keep coming back to saying you cannot

let your grandchildren live in substandard housing, etc.

Call me uncaring, less than stellar as a Gramma, hard hearted, call me

anything - but don't call me when it's time to pay a mortgage of $2700.00 and

your

daughter has no intention of doing anything differently in the future.

Sooner or later it's time to pay the piper.

Will you truly be able to cover the 32,000.00 plus dollars it costs in

mortgage costs alone per year where she is living now? Even if you had the money

to burn, is it really helping K learn that she must support her own family if

she keeps having babies? Yes, I have watched my grandbabies live in

hellholes before. People can be 'righteous' all they want and say how awful that

is. Yes, it's awful. And after a year of living in those apartments finally

my daughter decided it was awful as well. And so far, the kids are still

alive, and they have really learned to stay away from some of those people in

the

world. There are harsh realities out there that I hope will continue

sinking in with my daughter. She has moved, as of a month ago, and is now living

in a tiny country home.

Mine will probably end up pregnant with her fifth, since she is now involved

with another man. If she marries that man - the children will still receive

their monthly SS survivor benefits, but daughter will lose her own monthly

allotment. Ce'st las vie.... such is life.

So get your pen (use a Sharpie...), your notebook, and begin jotting down

things one by one just like Milena advised, and make that list.

Make copies.

I WILL tell K to talk about her addiction to Will with the counselor, and

not myself.

I WILL not let myself engage in a conversation where I am being abused

verbally.

I WILL tell her I'll hang up the phone if she yells at me - and I'll DO IT!

I WILL NOT be responsible for her monthly bills any longer.

I WILL let her be responsible for her own life / finances / jobs

If my daughter were anyone else - or a 'friend' of mine, she'd never get

away with abuse. She will not get away with it by simply having a common

bloodline.

I WILL NOT go down with the ship.

I LOVE YOU JEAN - don't do it!

Blondie

In a message dated 6/15/2006 1:16:09 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

WTOParentsOfBPs writes:

I am just so sick of listening to all this. I have really reached my

saturation point. She will never be any better. She IS a loser, will

always be a

loser BECAUSE SHE doesn't WANT to change. Stopped going to counseling. I

am

sick of babaysitting the 4 of them. I work at this real estate which is

busy now and demeanding so I have to have my wits about me or get sued and

then

I have to go there and watch 2 screaming babies. The boysm are no trouble.

I hate my daughter at this point---I really do. For all I know, she

probably

did sleep with him yesterday AM and will be pregnant yet again.

Jean