Re: The friend???/ My Arse Walking Away

[Guest guest]

Not a friend after all.  Strange how we think someone is a friend and they are

not on our side.  They are on their side and want to criticize us. 

hugs,

Debra V.

Subject: " The friend " ???/ " My Arse Walking Away "

To: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group

Date: Friday, May 9, 2008, 12:49 PM

I had a close friend " V " . We saw one another almost every day, from ages 16-22,

we even

shared a place to live for a while. " V " was the Godmother of " Baby Girl " (the

young lady

with RA, who I have requested prayers for) and also a " Friend " of Baby Girls

Mum. This was

in England.

When I returned to the US, country I was born in, my " friend V " wrote to me

often and I

wrote to her. Everything was fine when I was teaching, when I was waitressing,

when I

went to University, when I was a socialworker. Even when I became a foster

parent to some

very troubled childen and considered adopting one of them- although my " friend

V " did

not hesitate to criticise any choices I made about medication for this child she

had never

met.

At some point " friend V " began to neglect her duties as Baby Girl's Godmother.

Later I

figured out that this coincided approximately with Baby Girl's Mum going

inpatient at a

mental hospital for a while.

We continued to exchange letters although this slowed down after my first

Psychiatric

hospitalisation. " Friend V " was very critical of the medications I was on and

quite certain

that I was in the " wrong kind of therapy. "

None the less, I did go visit her on my last trip to England in 2000. She was

hospitable

and seemed happy to see me, but she kept insisting that I hadn't changed a bit

in over ten

years. She also repatedly told me that I was not mentaly ill, just " rather

fragile. " I was so

glad to get out of there and backto my " Baby Girl " and her Mum- no questioning

my

diagnosis or meds in that family, unconditional love

true friendship.

Recently I contacted " FriendV " to tell abour her God Daughter's medical

condition. I

suggested this would be a good chance to offer Baby Girl an opportunity to see

her again.

" Friend V " was furious that I would " feel strongly " about this or any other

matter in her

life. I wrote her a reply e-mail titled " My Arse Walking Away. " I will leave it

to you to

imagine the body of the text!

Cassandra

Cassandra

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[Guest guest]

I don't think there is anything more hurtful than for a friend to

suddenly become distant! That started happening to me back in the

fall of 2006 and then into 2007. Within the past several months,

because I do not have her current cellphone number, I called her

youngest daughter to ask how she is and to let her know that I would

really like to hear from. Daughter was seeing mom next day and said

she would let her know! I called daughter's phone number several

days after she was to have lunch with mom and the telephone was

disconnected!! I was amazed that between Thursday and Monday or

Tuesday, daughter's number no longer worked. I have her cellphone #

but am not calling it. DH says she has been this was off and on

since we met some years ago.

I keep thinking before we make our move, I will send a book to

daughter as I borrowed one from her mother which she did not want to

let me have; but once we are gone, I have so many friends that have

been in my life forever, I know there is nothing I can do!

And she will probably have a hard time if she tries to reach us -- I

really don't care so much. But when it is someone you have shared so

much with, it really does hurt!!!

I have no idea what we/I did to offend her but, it's her loss.

>

> I had a close friend " V " . We saw one another almost every day, from

ages 16-22, we even

> shared a place to live for a while. " V " was the Godmother of " Baby

Girl " (the young lady

> with RA, who I have requested prayers for) and also a " Friend " of

Baby Girls Mum. This was

> in England.

> When I returned to the US, country I was born in, my " friend V "

wrote to me often and I

> wrote to her. Everything was fine when I was teaching, when I was

waitressing, when I

> went to University, when I was a socialworker. Even when I became a

foster parent to some

> very troubled childen and considered adopting one of them- although

my " friend V " did

> not hesitate to criticise any choices I made about medication for

this child she had never

> met.

>

> At some point " friend V " began to neglect her duties as Baby Girl's

Godmother. Later I

> figured out that this coincided approximately with Baby Girl's Mum

going inpatient at a

> mental hospital for a while.

>

> We continued to exchange letters although this slowed down after my

first Psychiatric

> hospitalisation. " Friend V " was very critical of the medications I

was on and quite certain

> that I was in the " wrong kind of therapy. "

>

> None the less, I did go visit her on my last trip to England in

2000. She was hospitable

> and seemed happy to see me, but she kept insisting that I hadn't

changed a bit in over ten

> years. She also repatedly told me that I was not mentaly ill,

just " rather fragile. " I was so

> glad to get out of there and backto my " Baby Girl " and her Mum- no

questioning my

> diagnosis or meds in that family, unconditional love

> true friendship.

>

> Recently I contacted " FriendV " to tell abour her God Daughter's

medical condition. I

> suggested this would be a good chance to offer Baby Girl an

opportunity to see her again.

> " Friend V " was furious that I would " feel strongly " about this or

any other matter in her

> life. I wrote her a reply e-mail titled " My Arse Walking Away. " I

will leave it to you to

> imagine the body of the text!

> Cassandra

>

> Cassandra

>

[Guest guest]

and Cassandra and the rest of us who have lost friends along the

way,

I think, in many cases, what it boils down to is they DON'T know how

to deal with us. Our issues are chronic and life-lasting. Some days

are very very good and we can fool ourselves a little, and other days

are so bad we wish we could be run over by a train. Friends who have

had family members who have suffered mental illnesses or chronic

illnesses are usually the ones that " stick " around. They get it when

you can't go to X because your legs decided today was the day they

were going to burn then tingle. Instead, they may come over and bring

you lunch or dinner.

I can't say that I've lost many friends because the ones from work

that I thought were friends were, well, work friends only, if that

makes sense. We didn't share stuff outside of work at all. I can

count on both hands the # of friends I could call on in a crisis.

That's not many at this stage in life, but you know what? It's okay.

I figure anyone who feels that friendship with me is too hard because

of all my chronic illnesses should just move on. Life is too short.

And yes, mourn the friendships that were lost but when you are done

grieving, take off the rose-colored glasses and really examine the

friendship to see if it was really that to begin with. Often it

isn't. Rather it's a matter of give and take and well, when we can no

longer give to the taker, they leave.

Just my thoughts......

Darlene

> >

> > I had a close friend " V " . We saw one another almost every day,

from

> ages 16-22, we even

> > shared a place to live for a while. " V " was the Godmother

of " Baby

> Girl " (the young lady

> > with RA, who I have requested prayers for) and also a " Friend " of

> Baby Girls Mum. This was

> > in England.

> > When I returned to the US, country I was born in, my " friend V "

> wrote to me often and I

> > wrote to her. Everything was fine when I was teaching, when I was

> waitressing, when I

> > went to University, when I was a socialworker. Even when I became

a

> foster parent to some

> > very troubled childen and considered adopting one of them-

although

> my " friend V " did

> > not hesitate to criticise any choices I made about medication for

> this child she had never

> > met.

> >

> > At some point " friend V " began to neglect her duties as Baby

Girl's

> Godmother. Later I

> > figured out that this coincided approximately with Baby Girl's

Mum

> going inpatient at a

> > mental hospital for a while.

> >

> > We continued to exchange letters although this slowed down after

my

> first Psychiatric

> > hospitalisation. " Friend V " was very critical of the medications

I

> was on and quite certain

> > that I was in the " wrong kind of therapy. "

> >

> > None the less, I did go visit her on my last trip to England in

> 2000. She was hospitable

> > and seemed happy to see me, but she kept insisting that I hadn't

> changed a bit in over ten

> > years. She also repatedly told me that I was not mentaly ill,

> just " rather fragile. " I was so

> > glad to get out of there and backto my " Baby Girl " and her Mum-

no

> questioning my

> > diagnosis or meds in that family, unconditional love

> > true friendship.

> >

> > Recently I contacted " FriendV " to tell abour her God Daughter's

> medical condition. I

> > suggested this would be a good chance to offer Baby Girl an

> opportunity to see her again.

> > " Friend V " was furious that I would " feel strongly " about this or

> any other matter in her

> > life. I wrote her a reply e-mail titled " My Arse Walking Away. "

I

> will leave it to you to

> > imagine the body of the text!

> > Cassandra

> >

> > Cassandra

> >

>