Guest guest Posted April 3, 2008 Report Share Posted April 3, 2008 , It's ironic you talking about women and violence because one of the areas I have been looking into for going back to work is being a victim's advocate. I've had a little experience with it as an adult, but really went thru it with my mom and her psychotic bf. She didn't know he had been in prison for blowing his previous gf's face off and moved him in with us. He eventually became very abusive and she threw him out. Well, he went nuts and started stalking her. He would follow us everywhere and even watch me when I was at recess. he broke into our apartment and destroyed everything. Even cut up all my mom's clothes. He kept calling her and telling her he was going to kill her. The police did nothing since he hadn't actually touched her. Then he showed up at our apartment and tried to kill her. My dad happened to drop by and was able to fight him off. The police put her in hiding and I went to stay at my dad's. Then he came after me, so I had to go into hiding with my mom. It took about 8 weeks before they caught him and put him back in prison. Jill Re: I AM REALLY UPSET/JILL > > > Over 10 years ago I married a seemingly loving and understanding man. He > > knew that I had fibro and he went so far to educate himself on the > > disease, but > > when I worsened and couldn't perform sexually anymore, he began to cheat > > on > > me. A year and a half after marrying, he left me for another woman, but > > neither of us filed for divorce. Well, he married a younger woman, left > > her and > > them married a woman a little bit older than him and she was able to > > satisfy > > his sex drive. Last year it all caught up on him and he was ordered to > > divorce me and his other wives and do time in jail. He had fooled me > > completely. > > He made me believe that he loved me for me, so I was devastated when he > > left > > me, just because sex became a lot like aerobic exercise and wasn't > > enjoyable. I will never marry again, because he was my third and last. > > > > I feel for you, because too many people expect too much from us and they > > don't understand what we are dealing with. > > > > > > Love and gentle hugs, > > Debi/Central Cal.-55 > > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~ > > Be a good e-mail buddy, and ALWAYS > > protect your friends from email address harvesters which can lead to more > > Spam, unwanted mail, and even viruses. > > Copy and paste forwards into a new email and place parenthesis around the > > addresses. > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ > > > > > > > > > > > > ************ **Create a Home Theater Like the Pros. Watch the video on AOL > > Home. > > ( > > http://home. aol.com/diy/ home-improvement -eric-stromer? video=15& ncid=aolhom00030 000000001 > > ) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2008 Report Share Posted April 3, 2008 I think that finding out what qualifications are needed (and it may just be common sense and personal experience) but becoming a victum's advocate would be a very positive thing to do and also something that would give you pride in what you do. I think it was in 2006 but I could be wrong and the incidents were brought to trial in 2007. Anyway, since I almost always read my little home town paper, I was actually shocked when I saw at least three cases of child abuse get to the courts, the perps were found guilty of such heinous acts that the judge, who must have been one of the most honest and toughest judges I have ever read about, anyway, when the individuals in the 2 or 3 cases that made the front page of the paper ---- and IT WAS GRAPHIC AND SICK --- were found guilty by the jury, the judge announced in court that on at least one ocassion, he was so upset -- I don't remember the word he used, but he needed to spend the rest of that day and " sleep on it " before he passed sentences. In at least 2 cases, the adults involved were sentenced to 60 years with no opportunity for early release. And I have to also mention --- I've written about these situations here before, but what made them even more vile was that in each case a parent and a step-parent or b/g friend were both involved in the sexual abuse of those children. One thing I learned reading those horror stories is that they do have a professional organization that services about 5 counties and they have safe places for the children, and I have either emailed or spoken to one of the directors of the group and told her that because experienced sexual abuse as a child at the hands of my grandparents' neighbor, while not as vile as the more recent situation, I would really like to volunteer in some way when we move back. I don't think I could become a victum's advocate because, once you do so, you are committed to work with and protect the victum for a long time. But I can see myself doing something part time in one of the offices and I think they have satalite offices in just about each county in the area. But I also had a friend years ago who ran a women's support group at one of the major universities in Chicago until they hired another person in the area whose goals were not directed in really helping women, but more on a level that was not for women trying to get out of bad situations, but for women as a whole to impower themselves. That's not to say that was a bad thing, just that it didn't address crisis situations. So, I think now that we are much more aware of how large the situation is and how destructive abuse can be to women and children, there is a great need for people who can be there as an advocate. Funny, I was talking to a distant relative yesterday and made some remark about checking the zipcode where my niece lives to see how many sexual predators were in the area. It shocked me and I called my niece --- she has 3 daughters who range from 8 to 16. My niece just made some offhanded remark, " yes, that is a topic that the schools talk about once or twice a year. " I was really caught off guard and said well, I just have a fear of those dangers because I was abused as a child. And that was the end of that conversation -- but one time recently we had been to their house and I saw the 8 year old energizer bunny walking down the side street as we left and by the time we were driving away, she had made it around the block! Their immediate neighbors are families with children close to at least one of the girls, so I think they are safe playing out side but I do have concerns when I see that skinny, blonde headed sweet little girl running around an area I don't know. > > , > > It's ironic you talking about women and violence because one of the areas I have been looking into for going back to work is being a victim's advocate. I've had a little experience with it as an adult, but really went thru it with my mom and her psychotic bf. She didn't know he had been in prison for blowing his previous gf's face off and moved him in with us. He eventually became very abusive and she threw him out. Well, he went nuts and started stalking her. He would follow us everywhere and even watch me when I was at recess. he broke into our apartment and destroyed everything. Even cut up all my mom's clothes. He kept calling her and telling her he was going to kill her. The police did nothing since he hadn't actually touched her. Then he showed up at our apartment and tried to kill her. My dad happened to drop by and was able to fight him off. The police put her in hiding and I went to stay at my dad's. Then he came after me, so I had to go into hiding with my mom. It took about 8 weeks before they caught him and put him back in prison. > > Jill > Re: I AM REALLY UPSET/JILL > > > > > > > > Over 10 years ago I married a seemingly loving and understanding > man. He > > > knew that I had fibro and he went so far to educate himself on the > > > disease, but > > > when I worsened and couldn't perform sexually anymore, he began > to cheat > > > on > > > me. A year and a half after marrying, he left me for another > woman, but > > > neither of us filed for divorce. Well, he married a younger > woman, left > > > her and > > > them married a woman a little bit older than him and she was able > to > > > satisfy > > > his sex drive. Last year it all caught up on him and he was > ordered to > > > divorce me and his other wives and do time in jail. He had fooled > me > > > completely. > > > He made me believe that he loved me for me, so I was devastated > when he > > > left > > > me, just because sex became a lot like aerobic exercise and wasn't > > > enjoyable. I will never marry again, because he was my third and > last. > > > > > > I feel for you, because too many people expect too much from us > and they > > > don't understand what we are dealing with. > > > > > > > > > Love and gentle hugs, > > > Debi/Central Cal.-55 > > > > > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~ > > > Be a good e-mail buddy, and ALWAYS > > > protect your friends from email address harvesters which can lead > to more > > > Spam, unwanted mail, and even viruses. > > > Copy and paste forwards into a new email and place parenthesis > around the > > > addresses. > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ************ **Create a Home Theater Like the Pros. Watch the > video on AOL > > > Home. > > > ( > > > http://home. aol.com/diy/ home-improvement -eric-stromer? > video=15& ncid=aolhom00030 000000001 > > > ) > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2008 Report Share Posted April 3, 2008 , First of all, I'm sorry you were abused! The requirements for being a victim's advocate varies depending on the agency. All require at least a BA degree. Some require a Master's and to be bilingual. All of them like you to have personal experience. I have a double bachelor's degree.....but that's it. I would love to get a graduate degree in forensic psychology, but don't want to spend the money unless I know I can work full time. It would be great for you to volunteer in this area. They also have advocates for foster children. You would be assigned one child and make recommendations to the court and make sure their needs are being met. I think this would also be very rewarding. I'm hoping to get my health better because I also want to adopt older foster children. We moved to Austin, bought a big house and were all ready to start the adoption process again (our twins are also adopted) but my health fell apart. I'm also considering being an adoption social worker since adoption is a passion of mine! Realistically, this might be a better choice since crisis management for a victim's advocate may stress me out too much and make me sicker. However, I might adopt every child I come across if I work in that field! I'm surprised at your niece's reaction to the sex offenders. Although, they are hard to get away from. I'm always checking areas and it seems like they are everywhere. The other problem is that they don't always register. My neighbor turned out to be a sex offender and he never registered. This was in a family orientated neighborhood and it took over 3 years before it became public. A parent can never be too careful! I watch my kids like a hawk! An 8 yr old girl walking around the neighborhood by herself, I don't think so! I don't let my kids go over to someone else's house unless I know the parents either. I can't believe how many kids wind up in my house and I don't even know where they came from. How do their parent's know I'm not a bad person? They don't know if I have an unfenced swimming pool or handguns or if my Old Uncle Harry is a child molester. And then when they leave, how do their parents know they are on there way and if they don't make it? My kids at 5 yrs old already see the difference between me and a lot of other parents. They think it's not fair and get really mad at me. Their friends are allowed to ride their bikes around the neighborhood without a parent. These are 4 and 5 yr olds! Not my kids! And don't even get me started on not wearing helmets.............I just tell them the most important thing I do as a parent is to keep them safe, no matter how mad they get. Jill Re: I AM REALLY UPSET/JILL > > > > > > > > Over 10 years ago I married a seemingly loving and understanding > man. He > > > knew that I had fibro and he went so far to educate himself on the > > > disease, but > > > when I worsened and couldn't perform sexually anymore, he began > to cheat > > > on > > > me. A year and a half after marrying, he left me for another > woman, but > > > neither of us filed for divorce. Well, he married a younger > woman, left > > > her and > > > them married a woman a little bit older than him and she was able > to > > > satisfy > > > his sex drive. Last year it all caught up on him and he was > ordered to > > > divorce me and his other wives and do time in jail. He had fooled > me > > > completely. > > > He made me believe that he loved me for me, so I was devastated > when he > > > left > > > me, just because sex became a lot like aerobic exercise and wasn't > > > enjoyable. I will never marry again, because he was my third and > last. > > > > > > I feel for you, because too many people expect too much from us > and they > > > don't understand what we are dealing with. > > > > > > > > > Love and gentle hugs, > > > Debi/Central Cal.-55 > > > > > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~ > > > Be a good e-mail buddy, and ALWAYS > > > protect your friends from email address harvesters which can lead > to more > > > Spam, unwanted mail, and even viruses. > > > Copy and paste forwards into a new email and place parenthesis > around the > > > addresses. > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ************ **Create a Home Theater Like the Pros. Watch the > video on AOL > > > Home. > > > ( > > > http://home. aol.com/diy/ home-improvement -eric-stromer? > video=15& ncid=aolhom00030 000000001 > > > ) > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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