Re: SEX....and now that I have your attention

[Guest guest]

Cassandra...... I think that many of us are affected the same way by this damn

disease.  It seems that the exhaustion and pain just make it almost undesirable,

if not almost impossible at times to have sex and some of our meds can be

contributing to that also.  I take Zoloft.  It is an SSRI of course and every

one of them dampers my libido.  BUT, I have to take it and have had to take

something of its class for a good 16 years.  Then add the fibro on top of that

which hit me about 5 or 6 years ago.  I don't have any easy answers to that. 

But just know you are not alone with this problem. 

The doctor also could have been judgemental towards you because of your sexual

orientation.  Who knows.  And he may have been uncomfortable discussing it or

making any suggestions.  But, as a doctor, he should address the whole

person.... thus the holistic approach to medicine. 

hugs,

Debra V.

Subject: SEX....and now that I have your attention

To: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group

Date: Sunday, April 27, 2008, 8:40 PM

Seriously. The muscle pain, stifness and muscle spasming make it really hard for

me and

my partner to have any satisfactory sex. There is no position that is

comfortable for either

of us. We both have huge fear about me getting injured. I get tired so easily.

It's been a

realy long time, I mean too long. Now I'm starting to not even be interested and

I'm sure

that's not good for me,or us as a couple.

The Pain Speciaist asked what areas of my life were affected by pain and me and

the mrs

said in unison " sex " . Weenie Dr didn't say anthing at all, let alone something

helpful. He

just made a note of it on the chart. I can imagine his weenie little mind now

" Hmm,no sex

since June--Psychological symptom, disregulation of sexual funtioning; patient

exhibits

hostility and frustration " Ya know I can't decide if I want to go to medical

records and get a

copy of his report or not- either way I will still despise the little weasle.

I was reading that maybe the best time for people with fibro to try sex is late

morning or

early afternoon. The logic to that was that in the evening we are exhausted and

hurt bad

all over (not fun) and in the morning we wake up very stiff for the first few

hours (I wake

up feeling like I been beaten with a stick all over) and by mid day we may be

over our

morning stiffness and not yet badly fatigued.

Any ideas anyone?

Peace

Cassandra

________________________________________________________________________________\

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[Guest guest]

Debra, I'm (again) feeling sorry for myself and quite rightly. It's just a

jumble to put the

pieces together so that I can have some kind of functional life. I Iook okay on

the outside

but, first it was the stuff in my head (it is psychological; it is real) and now

this constant

pain and muscle problems (also real; not psychlogical) Both totaly invisible and

very

disabling.Thanks for the empathy

Cassandra

debra van ness wrote:

> Cassandra...... I think that many of us are affected the same way by this damn

disease. 

It seems that the exhaustion and pain just make it almost undesirable, if not

almost

impossible at times to have sex and some of our meds can be contributing to that

also. 

>

[Guest guest]

I'm going to take a shot at some advice and general observations

regarding Fibro, intimacy, and sex. This may get to be a long thread

because it covers a lot of ground.

Your pain Dr's lack of a reasonable response to an answered question

was completely unprofessional, jotting down a few notes is not

" discussing " or offering solutions to the problem.

In a serious relationship, there is a mix of ingredients that go together:

1. Friendship

2. Communication

3. Trust

4. Intimacy

5. Sex

Sex is important, you will never be closer to anyone else than the

person you are regularly having sex with.

Most of us are not going to be able to endure the wild " let's have sex

on the washing machine during the spin cycle, with an unbalanced

load " . Not gonna happen in this life time.

When we have chronic pain or other health issues that interferes with

a base desire, a workaround is needed in some form or fashion.

Being a man with an L5 herniation along with the fibromyalgia in a

traditional relationship, my wife and I needed to learn how to modify

how and when we engaged in sexual activity.

It literally took a 5 year period to conceive our only child, and my

daughter was conceived in a lot of pain from my point of view. In my

case, the best part of having kids is " makin'them " didn't fit in the

big picture.

Five long years of, " Yea,...who's your daddy " gets old real quick.

It takes communication, need, desire, the time, and commitment to work

at having a sex life the two of you will enjoy.

Keep track of when you are at your best, when you have the energy,

your pain levels, how your medication is affecting you, when you can

best tolerate or recover from sex because it will hurt later.

During sex, be sure to your tell partner how much activity you can

tolerate, everyone is wired different and you have to discover what

makes each other tick.

You may have to try a different position than usual, or technique. Be

creative and don't hesitate to try something different, something

eventually will work out, don't give up.

A planned sexual encounter may work out better than the spur of the

moment " band a gong, let's get it on " , stay away from the rough stuff.

Initially it might make your hair stand on end but when it's time to

pay the piper,...well you get the picture.

[Guest guest]

Well said !!! WILL YOU MARRY ME????  

It's been close to a year for me and my husband, but we still have a very strong

and loving relationship. I know that sex is a part of a marriage, but like you

said , it's not the most important part.

Debra B

Gladewater, Texas

Re: SEX....and now that I have your attention

I'm going to take a shot at some advice and general observations

regarding Fibro, intimacy, and sex. This may get to be a long thread

because it covers a lot of ground.

Your pain Dr's lack of a reasonable response to an answered question

was completely unprofessional, jotting down a few notes is not

" discussing " or offering solutions to the problem.

In a serious relationship, there is a mix of ingredients that go together:

1. Friendship

2. Communication

3. Trust

4. Intimacy

5. Sex

Sex is important, you will never be closer to anyone else than the

person you are regularly having sex with.

Most of us are not going to be able to endure the wild " let's have sex

on the washing machine during the spin cycle, with an unbalanced

load " . Not gonna happen in this life time.

When we have chronic pain or other health issues that interferes with

a base desire, a workaround is needed in some form or fashion.

Being a man with an L5 herniation along with the fibromyalgia in a

traditional relationship, my wife and I needed to learn how to modify

how and when we engaged in sexual activity.

It literally took a 5 year period to conceive our only child, and my

daughter was conceived in a lot of pain from my point of view. In my

case, the best part of having kids is " makin'them " didn't fit in the

big picture.

Five long years of, " Yea,...who' s your daddy " gets old real quick.

It takes communication, need, desire, the time, and commitment to work

at having a sex life the two of you will enjoy.

Keep track of when you are at your best, when you have the energy,

your pain levels, how your medication is affecting you, when you can

best tolerate or recover from sex because it will hurt later.

During sex, be sure to your tell partner how much activity you can

tolerate, everyone is wired different and you have to discover what

makes each other tick.

You may have to try a different position than usual, or technique. Be

creative and don't hesitate to try something different, something

eventually will work out, don't give up.

A planned sexual encounter may work out better than the spur of the

moment " band a gong, let's get it on " , stay away from the rough stuff.

Initially it might make your hair stand on end but when it's time to

pay the piper,...well you get the picture.

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better friend, newshound, and

know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

[Guest guest]

My pain doctor gave me a testosterone shot... it helped with the

libido, BUT i had vaginal bleeding for almost 2 months, which dampened

things. If I were you, after talking to my GP about it, who was

shocked that my pain doctor gave me such a drastically high dose and

destroyed my hormones for months, she reccommended me trying a smaller

testosterone dose, like a transdermal cream. I havent tried it, bt I

have heard of people it worked wonders for, Maybe look into it?

Also... I had to take time to make myself aroused. I know tht sounds

weird. I used to be like BAM and turned on.. now with the pain... I

have to take time to focus on the things about my souse that turn me

on, long before the act... I stop and focus on the lines of my

husbands shoulders and hands, which are big turn ons for me. You have

to find what works for you to get that spark, but mainly, dont feel

bad for not being what you used to be in that realm, its not your

fault. And remind your partner to go slow... take time to turn you on

slowly, it always helps me relax enough to not have the bad muscle

tension and spasms... its still painful, but at least I do still enjoy it.

Ihope that helps..

-Suzanne

>

> Well said !!! WILL YOU MARRY ME????

> It's been close to a year for me and my husband, but we still have a

very strong and loving relationship. I know that sex is a part of a

marriage, but like you said , it's not the most important part.

> Debra B

> Gladewater, Texas

>

>

>

> Re: SEX....and now that I have your attention

>

>

> I'm going to take a shot at some advice and general observations

> regarding Fibro, intimacy, and sex. This may get to be a long thread

> because it covers a lot of ground.

>

> Your pain Dr's lack of a reasonable response to an answered question

> was completely unprofessional, jotting down a few notes is not

> " discussing " or offering solutions to the problem.

>

> In a serious relationship, there is a mix of ingredients that go

together:

> 1. Friendship

> 2. Communication

> 3. Trust

> 4. Intimacy

> 5. Sex

>

> Sex is important, you will never be closer to anyone else than the

> person you are regularly having sex with.

>

> Most of us are not going to be able to endure the wild " let's have sex

> on the washing machine during the spin cycle, with an unbalanced

> load " . Not gonna happen in this life time.

>

> When we have chronic pain or other health issues that interferes with

> a base desire, a workaround is needed in some form or fashion.

>

> Being a man with an L5 herniation along with the fibromyalgia in a

> traditional relationship, my wife and I needed to learn how to modify

> how and when we engaged in sexual activity.

>

> It literally took a 5 year period to conceive our only child, and my

> daughter was conceived in a lot of pain from my point of view. In my

> case, the best part of having kids is " makin'them " didn't fit in the

> big picture.

> Five long years of, " Yea,...who' s your daddy " gets old real quick.

>

> It takes communication, need, desire, the time, and commitment to work

> at having a sex life the two of you will enjoy.

>

> Keep track of when you are at your best, when you have the energy,

> your pain levels, how your medication is affecting you, when you can

> best tolerate or recover from sex because it will hurt later.

>

> During sex, be sure to your tell partner how much activity you can

> tolerate, everyone is wired different and you have to discover what

> makes each other tick.

>

> You may have to try a different position than usual, or technique. Be

> creative and don't hesitate to try something different, something

> eventually will work out, don't give up.

>

> A planned sexual encounter may work out better than the spur of the

> moment " band a gong, let's get it on " , stay away from the rough stuff.

> Initially it might make your hair stand on end but when it's time to

> pay the piper,...well you get the picture.

>

>

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Be a better friend, newshound, and

> know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

>

>

[Guest guest]

> My pain doctor gave me a testosterone shot... it helped with the

> libido, BUT i had vaginal bleeding for almost 2 months, which dampened

> things. If I were you, after talking to my GP about it, who was

> shocked that my pain doctor gave me such a drastically high dose and

> destroyed my hormones for months, she reccommended me trying a smaller

> testosterone dose, like a transdermal cream. I havent tried it, bt I

> have heard of people it worked wonders for, Maybe look into it?

I take DHEA, which is a precursor to testosterone. I've been taking

it since shortly after my hyst/loss of my remaining ovary in 1996.

My doc recommended the stuff made by Pure Encapsulations, because of

the consistent quality. I can't swear to the libido effects (no man

= no sex ;D), but I do know that it brought my DHEA blood level up to

normal. I recently had to increase it since my duodenal switch

(weight loss surgery) probably because of the malabsorptive effect of

the surgery. I've never had hair growth or deeping voice with the

DHEA like is common with testosterone, probably because I'm not on a

super-high dose.

You might want to talk to your doc about checking your DHEA level

(which may be sky-high since your testosterone shot so it may be

misleading), and whether it would be possible to go the DHEA route.

Z

[Guest guest]

>

> My pain doctor gave me a testosterone shot... it helped with the

> libido,

As a man I'd be afraid of the " seasoned bull syndrome "

Mount anything that moves.

That could get scary real quick, and I'd have to call the fire

department to bring the " jaws of life " to free me.

[Guest guest]

Wow, that did get my attention....boy I wish I could help you...probably there

is no perfect time. Pooh, I have you beat. June ain't nothing...but that's a

whole nuther story. I know mentally I do worry about not being able to shall we

say move in the right way to enable it...but I guess if that happens you quit

for the time being anyway. I'm sorry your doctor didn't give you any help. Take

a day off have a glass of wine, mood music...see what happens....seriously, I

don't mean to make light of this..I know it is a real problem, I do hope you

find a way to work it out.

Hugs,

/Mi

[Guest guest]

>

> Well said !!! WILL YOU MARRY ME????

Unfortunately I had 37yrs of " no takers " and met my wife through a

personal ad in Metal Edge magazine.

3 Months of writing letters

1 year of dating

6 months of being engaged

5 years later, first (and last child)

8 years married, 9th year on May 28th

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's a couple of Never Do's

Never say on your anniversary,.. " Has it been that long? "

If you want to remember your anniversary,...just forget it..one time

Bubba!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The brides can remember -everything- about the wedding, literally.

The date, time, who was there, the weather, how many people wore

glasses, the number of chairs, the entire honeymoon, the room number,

the color of the drapes, the floor it was on, what time you got there,

what time you left, how many pieces of luggage you had, what was in

each suitcase, ect. X 20.

All the groom remembers was that,...he was there.

[Guest guest]

Heheh... my husband was terrified of the testosterone shot. The main

thing with me was I couldnt orgasm because of the pain meds. My sex

drive had gone down some, but not 100% lost. My husband and I had both

slowed down due to meds, but my libido was always higher than his. The

testosterone improved the libido some... but mainly, it let me orgasm

again.

But still... my husband had these visions the day I got the shot of

being assaulted 24/7 by a psychotically sex crazed wife.... while

completely untrue and not hat happened, I laughed so hysterically

while that night after the doctor appt, he told me his fear, looked

panicked, and rocked back and forth... it honestly was funny.

I then pointed out most men would love to have their wife climb them,

and the typical male part of him kicked back in and he thought it ould

be cool. lol...

> >

> > My pain doctor gave me a testosterone shot... it helped with the

> > libido,

>

> As a man I'd be afraid of the " seasoned bull syndrome "

> Mount anything that moves.

>

> That could get scary real quick, and I'd have to call the fire

> department to bring the " jaws of life " to free me.

>

[Guest guest]

You know... I have often thought my husband had the typical female

mindset and i was more typically male in my thoughts... dont get me

wrong, he is very masculine, but he IS more emotional than me.

And he remembers EVERYTHING about the wedding.

I remember it was outside...i think...

> >

> > Well said !!! WILL YOU MARRY ME????

>

> Unfortunately I had 37yrs of " no takers " and met my wife through a

> personal ad in Metal Edge magazine.

>

> 3 Months of writing letters

>

> 1 year of dating

>

> 6 months of being engaged

>

> 5 years later, first (and last child)

>

> 8 years married, 9th year on May 28th

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> Here's a couple of Never Do's

>

> Never say on your anniversary,.. " Has it been that long? "

>

> If you want to remember your anniversary,...just forget it..one time

> Bubba!

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> The brides can remember -everything- about the wedding, literally.

>

> The date, time, who was there, the weather, how many people wore

> glasses, the number of chairs, the entire honeymoon, the room number,

> the color of the drapes, the floor it was on, what time you got there,

> what time you left, how many pieces of luggage you had, what was in

> each suitcase, ect. X 20.

>

> All the groom remembers was that,...he was there.

>

[Guest guest]

> I then pointed out most men would love to have their wife climb them,

> and the typical male part of him kicked back in and he thought it

would be cool. lol...

>

>

That kind of scenario could be worked into a fascinating aspect of

sex,..role playing. " Attack of the Amazon " or something there abouts.

The repair man is a common scenario:

" There you go lady,...all fixed "

" Gee, I don't seem to have any money "

" That's OK lady,..we can work something out " .

[Guest guest]

sadly, my hubby hates role play.

He had this ex that took it way too far and then one day she told him

that she was really into the whole " slave/master " thing, and had an

online " master " she had to answer to, and that she had online

" relations " with him and was his " slave " and that she told him

everything about jon and her's relationship but had never mentioned

any of this to her fiancee, my now husband... its a long story but she

was one seriously sick puppy... so jon is kinda anti-role play at all...

which is actually ok with me. it means he doesnt need me to pretend to

be anything but me... which is kinda hot...

but ill admit i think every now andthen a little role play might be fun

>

> > I then pointed out most men would love to have their wife climb them,

> > and the typical male part of him kicked back in and he thought it

> would be cool. lol...

> >

> >

> That kind of scenario could be worked into a fascinating aspect of

> sex,..role playing. " Attack of the Amazon " or something there abouts.

>

> The repair man is a common scenario:

>

> " There you go lady,...all fixed "

>

> " Gee, I don't seem to have any money "

>

> " That's OK lady,..we can work something out " .

>

[Guest guest]

This is my perspective on " havin' an affair "

Anybody that wants to have an affair, go home and have an affair with

your spouse or partner.

A " virtual " partner does not make sense, and this includes movies,

magazines, the internet, or other means of outside contact.

Why do people look at something they can't possibly have?

A dummy once told me a joke about the " married man's " Playboy, it has

the same centerfold every month, a one Ha! joke.

The truth is, the married man's Playboy usually disease free, so

you're less likely to die from it. Read -STD's-

It's available 24/7(usually) and it's real, beats the one night stand

or virtual stupidity by a long shot.

[Guest guest]

you get an AMEN from me.

And I will be honest... Yes I had one or 2 sexual partners before I

was married. I am not proud of that, because call me prudish if you

want, I wish I had waited. Actually our past partners caused issues

with us, and people say " oh you should accept your partners past no

matter what because you have no right to judge " . My sister in law

preached that (bear in mind she is extremely promiscuous and never

been married) anyways, that was never the problem. We never argued or

were jealous about past stuff, but it does shape you and give you

baggage that your spouse WILL have to deal with. I wish I hadnt

brought that to my marriage, and my hubby does too.

But... married sex is the most awesome sex... the security thats there

is so awesome... the first time it occurred to me while we were in the

act that this man made a vow that he never wanted to have that

intimate act with anyone for the rest of his life but me.. it was

soooo hot! ahnd he says the same thing all the time too.

not to mention the STD issue... I dont have to worry, I dont have to

wonder... its nice.

>

> This is my perspective on " havin' an affair "

>

> Anybody that wants to have an affair, go home and have an affair with

> your spouse or partner.

>

> A " virtual " partner does not make sense, and this includes movies,

> magazines, the internet, or other means of outside contact.

>

> Why do people look at something they can't possibly have?

>

> A dummy once told me a joke about the " married man's " Playboy, it has

> the same centerfold every month, a one Ha! joke.

>

> The truth is, the married man's Playboy usually disease free, so

> you're less likely to die from it. Read -STD's-

>

> It's available 24/7(usually) and it's real, beats the one night stand

> or virtual stupidity by a long shot.

>

[Guest guest]

I wish young people would get this concept into their heads, you

cannot " undo " your virginity.

It takes 2 seconds to lose it and you can never get it back.

My wife at 36 years old was a virgin when we were married not because

of lack of opportunity, rather because of the concept, " No vows, no

ring, no thing " . Or " He just wants your body " , what's wrong with " If

he marries me he can have it " .

Here's an observation:

Women have to be in the mood,...men just have to be in the room.

[Guest guest]

If you don't mind, I think I would like to from now on refer to you as

Prof...if that's okay with you,,.

Re: SEX....and now that I have your attention

I'm going to take a shot at some advice and general observations

regarding Fibro, intimacy, and sex. This may get to be a long thread

because it covers a lot of ground.

Your pain Dr's lack of a reasonable response to an answered question

was completely unprofessional, jotting down a few notes is not

" discussing " or offering solutions to the problem.

In a serious relationship, there is a mix of ingredients that go together:

1. Friendship

2. Communication

3. Trust

4. Intimacy

5. Sex

Sex is important, you will never be closer to anyone else than the

person you are regularly having sex with.

Most of us are not going to be able to endure the wild " let's have sex

on the washing machine during the spin cycle, with an unbalanced

load " . Not gonna happen in this life time.

When we have chronic pain or other health issues that interferes with

a base desire, a workaround is needed in some form or fashion.

Being a man with an L5 herniation along with the fibromyalgia in a

traditional relationship, my wife and I needed to learn how to modify

how and when we engaged in sexual activity.

It literally took a 5 year period to conceive our only child, and my

daughter was conceived in a lot of pain from my point of view. In my

case, the best part of having kids is " makin'them " didn't fit in the

big picture.

Five long years of, " Yea,...who's your daddy " gets old real quick.

It takes communication, need, desire, the time, and commitment to work

at having a sex life the two of you will enjoy.

Keep track of when you are at your best, when you have the energy,

your pain levels, how your medication is affecting you, when you can

best tolerate or recover from sex because it will hurt later.

During sex, be sure to your tell partner how much activity you can

tolerate, everyone is wired different and you have to discover what

makes each other tick.

You may have to try a different position than usual, or technique. Be

creative and don't hesitate to try something different, something

eventually will work out, don't give up.

A planned sexual encounter may work out better than the spur of the

moment " band a gong, let's get it on " , stay away from the rough stuff.

Initially it might make your hair stand on end but when it's time to

pay the piper,...well you get the picture.

[Guest guest]

>

> If you don't mind, I think I would like to from now on refer to you

as Prof...if that's okay with you,,.

>

That's fine, I even have the graying beard for it.

[Guest guest]

>

> alright PROF. ! don`t get your panties in a knot!

Don't forget the fishnet stocking and 4 " stiletto heels, garter belt

optional.

[Guest guest]

now your talking...lol

> >

> > alright PROF. ! don`t get your panties in a knot!

>

> Don't forget the fishnet stocking and 4 " stiletto heels, garter belt

> optional.

>

[Guest guest]

Lol I've been not really coherent for the last week or so, and I came

on to my email and saw this thread of emails. Gotta say it was an

interesting thread to come back to! LOL.

Not sure when you joined the board, , I'm sooo bad at names but

if youre new(newer than me anyways im still a newbie lol), welcome

welcome!

And i have to agree with the entire thread, although i found it vastly

amusing to come back after not being around for a week+ and have this

entire thread about it.

I have to say for my part, I've been incredibly lucky, I've spent

about 6 of my 9 years married in chronic pain, without even a more

definite diagnosis beyond severe migraines(recent diagnosis of fibro),

and my husband has never doubted it or pushed me, in any way, even

though its not 'visible' pain. I know its definitely affected my

libido, but like it was written earlier... you work with what you got,

and find ways around it, when do you feel better, whats your

tolerance.. And hes been very understanding of all of that even before

we really knew what we were dealing with.

the initial threads on this topic got deleted out of my inbox

automaticaly by my email program, how did this thread start

anyways? Just curious

-Nina

[Guest guest]

2nd choice the pirate boots and Dumbo ears

[Guest guest]

,

I have to agree with you. I have been (slowly) developing many

chronic health issues, the latest being fibro and the blood clot.

Because I am COPD (asthma and bronchitis), too much " activity " causes

me to go into coughing spells which triggers an asthma attack. And a

great deal of time (before the official fibro dx) I would get muscle

spasms in my shoulders and upper back. So basically, my DH is/was

afraid of the sex aspect of our lives - we have been on hold for 2

yrs now and quite frankly, I am pissed off about it *but* this is the

first time in my life that I have been married to someone who thought

about " me " before " him " . And that cannot be easy at all. I have told

him, quite bluntly as a matter of fact, that I'll keep the inhaler

next to the bed (I do anyhow) and pain meds as well and if necessary,

take the one for muscle spasms ahead of time.

But as you said, sex is a small part of the overall marital

relationship. There is communication, intimacy which doesn't

necessarily translate into sex, and trust. Because of the multiple

health issues I have developed since we said " I do " nearly 4 yrs ago,

we have developed a good level of intimacy - the man has had to see

me in all conditions (except childbirth) and take care of me. I trust

him to do that. When 2 unexpected hospital stays hit me this year, he

had to " handle it all " - house, kids, pets, job and me, lying in a

hospital bed. That has strengthened our relationship, but as for sex,

it makes it more difficult for me to " talk " him into it.....lol....

And while it is fun to think about the chandelier stuff, well, most

of us are probably beyond that age and pain-wise.....heheheh....so,

we'll accept the *quiet* kind that further enhances the overall level

of intimacy.

My DH is my best friend. We tell each other everything and while he

is somewhat " over " hearing that I hurt (I try not to say it too much,

but we all have those days), he has taken over a great deal of stuff

that I cannot do, and we are currently working toward adding " that "

back into our equation.

Will it be easy? Nope. But as you said, different techniques,

different positions, whatever it takes.

Darlene

>

> I'm going to take a shot at some advice and general observations

> regarding Fibro, intimacy, and sex. This may get to be a long thread

> because it covers a lot of ground.

>

> Your pain Dr's lack of a reasonable response to an answered question

> was completely unprofessional, jotting down a few notes is not

> " discussing " or offering solutions to the problem.

>

> In a serious relationship, there is a mix of ingredients that go

together:

> 1. Friendship

> 2. Communication

> 3. Trust

> 4. Intimacy

> 5. Sex

>

> Sex is important, you will never be closer to anyone else than the

> person you are regularly having sex with.

>

> Most of us are not going to be able to endure the wild " let's have

sex

> on the washing machine during the spin cycle, with an unbalanced

> load " . Not gonna happen in this life time.

>

> When we have chronic pain or other health issues that interferes

with

> a base desire, a workaround is needed in some form or fashion.

>

> Being a man with an L5 herniation along with the fibromyalgia in a

> traditional relationship, my wife and I needed to learn how to

modify

> how and when we engaged in sexual activity.

>

> It literally took a 5 year period to conceive our only child, and my

> daughter was conceived in a lot of pain from my point of view. In my

> case, the best part of having kids is " makin'them " didn't fit in the

> big picture.

> Five long years of, " Yea,...who's your daddy " gets old real quick.

>

> It takes communication, need, desire, the time, and commitment to

work

> at having a sex life the two of you will enjoy.

>

> Keep track of when you are at your best, when you have the energy,

> your pain levels, how your medication is affecting you, when you can

> best tolerate or recover from sex because it will hurt later.

>

> During sex, be sure to your tell partner how much activity you can

> tolerate, everyone is wired different and you have to discover what

> makes each other tick.

>

> You may have to try a different position than usual, or technique.

Be

> creative and don't hesitate to try something different, something

> eventually will work out, don't give up.

>

> A planned sexual encounter may work out better than the spur of the

> moment " band a gong, let's get it on " , stay away from the rough

stuff.

> Initially it might make your hair stand on end but when it's time to

> pay the piper,...well you get the picture.

>

[Guest guest]

I wanted to add this into the equation, just because you are married

or in a serious relationship does not not mean you can't seduce or

entice your spouse or partner. You can be as naughty as you want to

be, a simple whisper, " Take me now,...you big strong man,....you " will

peak his interest. Or " I dropped something on the floor,...and

completely forgot I didn't have any underwear on...silly me " . Or,

" Have I shown you this recently " (You can fill in the blank here).

All of this sets the ground work for a later encounter if you are not

able to engage in sex immediately.

Keep in mind that you are your spouses one and only sex partner for

life, and like pen pals seduction is a lost art.

Men generally operate off the primitive part of their brains, " Come

here woman and let me stick my tongue down your throat " needs some work.

Has anyone directly asked their spouse or partner what their ultimate

fantasy was? You should be able to communicate at this base level with

them, remember you're laying the ground work for a future healthy sex

life and at the same time expressing interest in satisfying them.

The balls in your court,..go and score one for the home team!

[Guest guest]

LOL.... you are so right . Similar to your " come here woman and

let me stick my tongue down your throat " is my husbands " drop pants

and yell LOOKY! " concept. It always gets me laughing, but thats not

usually the plan... hehehe

>

> I wanted to add this into the equation, just because you are married

> or in a serious relationship does not not mean you can't seduce or

> entice your spouse or partner. You can be as naughty as you want to

> be, a simple whisper, " Take me now,...you big strong man,....you " will

> peak his interest. Or " I dropped something on the floor,...and

> completely forgot I didn't have any underwear on...silly me " . Or,

> " Have I shown you this recently " (You can fill in the blank here).

> All of this sets the ground work for a later encounter if you are not

> able to engage in sex immediately.

> Keep in mind that you are your spouses one and only sex partner for

> life, and like pen pals seduction is a lost art.

> Men generally operate off the primitive part of their brains, " Come

> here woman and let me stick my tongue down your throat " needs some work.

> Has anyone directly asked their spouse or partner what their ultimate

> fantasy was? You should be able to communicate at this base level with

> them, remember you're laying the ground work for a future healthy sex

> life and at the same time expressing interest in satisfying them.

> The balls in your court,..go and score one for the home team!

>