Re: Re: Why Do Friends Not Believe Us/ and now family too

[Guest guest]

And it's not just friends (as I'm sure you all know).

I asked my 29 year old daughter who works for a doctor, by the way, to help

me out with a yard work project this weekend since I can't do it and also

cannot expect hubby to do it all. Gees, you would have thought I asked her

to cut off her arm. And I only asked for about an hour of her time. We

talked about the fibro and my herniated disk and she had said, yeah, well my

back hurts too. Not saying her back doesn't hurt but she's 20 years younger

than I am. I thought she understood about my physical state, but after that

conversation - I think she thinks I'm being lazy.

God, I used to go out and do tons of yard work and help my dad split wood

and stack and haul it, clean his house and do everything around my house due

to an ex-husband who thought everything was a " woman's job " plus raise 3

kids and work a full time and part time job. Now I get frustrated because I

can't rake and when I need a little help from my daughter I get nothing but

grief - but it was okay that we let her come and live with us numerous

times, including the last time when she first had the baby and supported

them. Not too mention numerous things we still do for her now. Not asking

her to pay us back, but a little help here and there when I really need it

isn't too much to ask for.

Sorry, venting - just hurting really bad today and am hurt and frustrated

that I can't get her to believe me more than getting her to actually help me

with something.

Teri (central Wisconsin)

Re: Why Do " Friends " Not Believe Us

Welcome and sorry you have to be here. But glad you found us. That

supposed friend sounds like alot of others we all rub shoulders with.

Can't change those who have closed their minds.

girlsaylor

>>snip

I recently had a situation

> with a long time friend (we had been friends since grade school)that

> made me really realize that unless you have this debilitating pain,

> you really don't understand what we feel like. Upon ending our

> friendship she sent me a hateful letter stating that she didn't ever

> believe that I had fibro.

[Guest guest]

Teri - You should share your vent with her. She really needs to know how you

feel, especially about the not helping after you've helped her out numerous

times. Take care.

Jeanne in WI

And it's not just friends (as I'm sure you all know).

I asked my 29 year old daughter who works for a doctor, by the way, to help me

out with a yard work project this weekend since I can't do it and also

cannot expect hubby to do it all. Gees, you would have thought I asked her to

cut off her arm. And I only asked for about an hour of her time. We talked

about the fibro and my herniated disk and she had said, yeah, well my back hurts

too. Not saying her back doesn't hurt but she's 20 years younger than I am. I

thought she understood about my physical state, but after that

conversation - I think she thinks I'm being lazy.

God, I used to go out and do tons of yard work and help my dad split wood and

stack and haul it, clean his house and do everything around my house due to an

ex-husband who thought everything was a " woman's job " plus raise 3 kids and work

a full time and part time job. Now I get frustrated because I can't rake and

when I need a little help from my daughter I get nothing but grief - but it was

okay that we let her come and live with us numerous times, including the last

time when she first had the baby and supported them. Not too mention numerous

things we still do for her now. Not asking her to pay us back, but a little

help here and there when I really need it isn't too much to ask for.

[Guest guest]

Jeanne - I have tried and it seems to go in one ear and out the other. A

while back when she and I did manage to go to Texas to help my son, I

thought she actually had a hint of what I go through on a daily basis - but

I guess I was wrong. When I talk to her about it she says, " Yeah, I know, I

know, you've told me before. " Almost as if she just wants me to shut up.

I know it bothers her that I don't do the things I used to be able to do. I

tried watching the baby for her in the beginning, but doing that and working

didn't go too well, so I know she's angry about that. Now the baby is

almost two and requires a lot of chasing after and lifting - which I can't

do, so I know she's upset that I don't take the baby when she wants me to.

I feel bad because I would like to, but I simply can't.

My daughter used to ask about us going to do things as far as outings and

such but my life has changed so much since the fibro and back problems that

I just can't go and run like she does. So she says I'm anti-social and that

I like living the life of a hermit. It's frustrating because believe me, if

I could go out and do things - I would.

I don't know, maybe she is in denial and doesn't want to know. Maybe down

deep she's afraid she'll end up the same way because it does run in our

family.

Sorry - just really hurting today and it's getting me down.

Teri (central Wisconsin)

Re: Re: Why Do " Friends " Not Believe Us/ and now family too

Teri - You should share your vent with her. She really needs to know how you

feel, especially about the not helping after you've helped her out numerous

times. Take care.

Jeanne in WI