from Debra V.- I Just do what I have to do-narcotics

[Guest guest]

I completely understand what you mean honey.  I did not want to have to take

this crap either.  It just came to a point really fast that the pain and

exhaustion were so unrelentless that I had to do something in order to keep on

working.  I believe I could cut back on pain meds quite a bit if I did not have

to still go to work.  Now that said, I always have pills left when I go to the

doc for my monthly appt.  I am never out.  So I actually don't always take as

much as I am allowed to.

In addition to the agravation of taking so MANY pills, it is the fact that I

take several that are prescription.  I guess I would not mind as much if they

were all over the counter meds.  I would not feel nearly as insecure about it. 

But I have to do what I have to do for now because quitting work is NOT an

option unfortunately.  I try sometimes to make it through a shift without taking

pain meds at work.  Everytime, it seems like about 4 or 5 hours into my shift or

sooner that I am in so damn much pain and exhaustion I don't know how I can

still put one foot in front of the other. 

But girl, I can't blame you for not wanting to take narcotics.  It is not that I

have horrible side effects or that they impair me at all.... because they

don't..... no one would even know I just took hydrocodone at work because I

never get " high " or " wasted " on them.  But the most fearful part is probably

that I have to depend on the mercy of another human being to prescribe them for

me.  There are just too many " what ifs " involved.  And yes, if I cold turkey

this stuff I WILL have withdrawals that would not be fun.  Not because I am a

drug addict who takes them for jollies, but because my body is dependent on

them.

Well, you understand what I mean. 

Thanks for the post.

love and hugs,

Debra V.

> It is just that I feel a little bit of fear.... like what if

> something happens and I cannot get them anymore????? ?? What the

> hell??? Will I just die and have horrible pain? It is more the

> thought of some crisis for example, if my doctor goes out of

> practice or something and some damn moron takes my meds from me and

> decides to change everything up? Or what if he just tells me I am

> an idiot and a drug addict and dismisses me like alot of people

> here experience? And to think that I have to depend on these

> chemicals to stay out of pain, out of depression, control my

> anxiey, control my b/p..... It is a little scary to me. However, I

> have no choice. I have the right meds now to help me really.

> But..... I sure can't prescribe them for myself. You see? Yes, in

> that sense I am in a prison of pills because I cannot survive a

> halfway normal life and work

I understand this. It's one reason why I didn't stay on Cymbalta.

The insurance company had so many hoops to jump through and I ran

out. There are some meds, like Cymbalta, Lyrica, certain

antidepressants, that you simply can't run out of.

It's another reason why I hope that I will never have to use

narcotics for fibromyalgia pain. I've seen on this group what people

go through. That's another kind of med that you just can't stop

cold, at least without really unpleasant withdrawal. I have days of

really severe pain - recently a whole week of this kind of fibro

pain, but I made it through without taking any of my three remaining

hydrocodone, though at times I just didn't know what I was going to

do, and the pain went on so long that I didn't think it was ever

going to end. Pretty much, it's the knowledge that the pain will lift

in a few days that gets me through the bad days.

I follow up with my docs carefully, and every one - my insurance PCP,

my thinks-outside- the-box doc, my GI guy, and my meds shrink - know

everything I'm taking down to the last acidopholous capsule. I've

been fortunate to maintain long term relationships with these docs.

If they leave or stop practicing, there will be records of my visits,

and records of my prescription, and histories going back years.

I feel for the people who are taking narcotics. I just don't want to

go there if I can help it.

Z