Re: Judy and others/ ruining the fun

[Guest guest]

Even though we live

> only 20 minutes apart, I have found that some of my

> best conversations with my daughter have been via

> email or messenger. Sometimes its just a quick note

> to let her know that I'm thinking about her ... I

> send her a " hug " , a cute message or whatever pops

> into my head.

Hi Judy,

I've found e-mail to be great, too. It's those

off-the-cuff conversations that wreck so much havoc.

E-mail and text messaging allow for some thought and

reflection. It's also a good way to ask the kids to

do something. " I love you and by the way, it's your

turn to clean the tub! " Then when you actually see

them you can skip that part.

About bpd's ruining the fun for everyone. Oh yes!

Once my daughter went to college, I always remembered

to carry my cell phone, so that if we heard from her

while we were out, we didn't have to give particulars

about what we were doing or why I hadn't answered the

phone. Even when she was still at home we just got

used to leaving her here and enjoying the outing

anyway (or even more!) Just learning that they don't

have to know everything or be in on everything makes

it easier for you. This last Christmas my bpd

daughter deliberately planned to be out of town when

my other daughter was here with her boyfriend. She

was able to be honest that it would be hard for her

since she had recently broke up with her own

boyfriend. Now that we are used to operating like

this, it's just easier to have the one or the other

around, and we've even taking to encouraging it rather

than lots of togetherness when we make ourselves

miserable. My husband asked his brother NOT to come

for the holidays because our bpd daughter hasn't been

well. It seemed cold-hearted, but I'm sure it saved

my sanity. Thanks to staggered visits, no

brother-in-law, and our written list of dos and donts

so " We can all live peacefully in the same house, " we

had one of the nicest holidays in years. My younger

daughter is doing well in her freshman year in college

and I've let her know that we appreciate her being in

such a good place because it frees us up to

concentrate on her sister's needs right now. She

seemed content to be appreciated -- not to mention

content with her new boyfriend. Thank God for small

blessings!

This last week we have started to see a new doctor and

my daughter is starting all over with new medication.

She is desperate to start the healing process, and we

have very high hopes that we are on the path to health

and some small degree of happiness!! Keep us in your

prayers!!

Deborah

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