Earthdog/frustrations/from Marti

[Guest guest]

Hi Earthdog,

Are you new to the group or am I just terribly behind in reading posts? If

you are new Welcome. I think you will like it here.

I grew up in the same environment you describe and developed DID and PTSD

because of it, although I didn't know it until I was dx in early 1990. I went

from that upbringing to marry at 20 (how ridiculous that was) a man who turned

out to be an abusive alcoholic. I was married to him for 28 years so I was so

use to being the peacemaker in the family that I finally went crazy - so to

speak - or did I finally become less crazy. I divorced him in 1996. I was dx

with Fibromyalgia in 1990. So I was used to being in pain and trying to deal

with a destructive person and mediating between him and my children. It's so

hard to stop being that way, but I finally mastered it to some extent. It will

definitely continue to make your fibro worse every time he has a " tantrum " and

then apologizes. That's what they do. So you fool yourself into believing that

when he is nice that is the real person and that it won't happen again and he

did apologize. At least that's the way it

continued for me. We had some really good periods, but the bad ones always

came back. The rollercoaster of abuse.

I hope you are able to sort things out and to stop trying to make the peace.

The tantrums happen whether you do or don't. If it isn't one thing that sets it

off then it will just be another.

My house is a cluttered mess. When I try to straighten it up I just get

overwhelmed and stop. So it is mess on top of mess. I am always embarrassed

when someone comes over. I try to rush and clean stuff up, but of course

there's way too much for me to do that so I end of with piles of stuff

everywhere. I have to move soon so I'm having to go through stuff and it is

really hard. (The fibro brain fog plays a role here too.)

Cleaning and laundry are also beyond my grasp it seems. I clean tiny parts of

my home at one time so that by the time I get back to that part it is really bad

again. I can never catch up. I have a lot of pain in my neck, shoulders and

upper back (and hips) so even holding things up to look at them to wash or fold

them hurts like crazy and for a long time afterward. Even washing my hair and

drying it is a painful ordeal that I put off. I have to sit down and lean my

head over so I can prop up my arm to dry it. Also lifting the vacuum and doing

a sweeping motion drive me up the wall with pain. So I do very little of it.

So you are not alone. I do believe that misery loves company and I'm right

there with you.

Take care,

Marti

Jeanne and Dave djgraves9497@...> wrote:

Hello Earthdog. I don't recall seeing you post before, so let me say

welcome to our wonderful group. I think your therapist was right about stopping

your peacemaker behavior. You can't solve yours and your DH's frustrations by

overdoing, because it will just make it all worse. You are not alone. My house

is a cluttered pig sty. I'm embarassed to have anyone come to our house. But

it's my reality for now. We almost never have a prepared meal. We fix grab and

go stuff. I hope it helps some to know that we all feel the frustration as well.

Jeanne in WI

My hubby lets me sleep as long as I need to on week-ends....even brings me

breakfast in bed. But sometimes he gets so sick and tired of me being so

sick and tired. The house is never company ready, meals are rarely on the table

when he gets home (he cooks a lot of the time), and the laundry is often a mount

washmore. But the worse thing is having to borrow money from his mom just to

keep the lights on, because I don't bring in my share of the income anymore.

It's all very stressful and there are times he loses it, throwing stuff

(magazines, clothes...nothing hard or heavy though) across the room and arguing

about everything I don't (read can't) do anymore. Of

course afterwards he always apologizes. But hey, I'm frustrated and angry too!

Not to mention in a heck of a lot of pain. But my psych. therapist said that

because I grew up in an abusive home (physical, emotional,

sexual), I tend to be a peacemaker and when he goes off on his frustrated rants,

I always end up trying to do more and end up being in even more pain, and she

that I have to stop doing that. But what I did was stop going to the

therapist...