To Rise... sleeping, exhaustion and feeling worthless

[Guest guest]

Rise, I just read your post on sleeping.  I am going to share with you all I

know and have experienced with this illness in reagards to sleep.  And.... the

guilt we feel about our children. 

First of all, welcome to the group.  I don't think I had a chance to introduce

myself.  I am glad you are here.  I am Debra V.  I am 44 and live in east TX. I

was diagnosed with fibro about 5 years ago and it has done nothing but get

worse.

For as long as I can remember, I always required more sleep than the average

person. When I was young and had no idea that fibro was lurking, I required a

good 10-11 hours of sleep a night. But at least back then, it did some good.

Now it does no good at all. I feel like I have not slept in weeks no matter how

many hours I sleep.

With fibromyalgia, research has found a sleep disorder. Our brain waves have

" awake like bursts of activity " during sleep and we never reach the deepest

level of sleep which they call " stage 4 " . This is the sleep that allows the

muscles to rest and repair. We don't get that. Hence, chronic fatigue or what

I call exhaustion beyond belief.

I wake up most days feeling like I was run over by a mack truck. Pain is bad in

the mornings, with stiffness, back pain, all over muscle aches and pure

exhaustion.

Now, the part about the children. I can relate to that. I had my children late

in life. I had no idea I had fibro but it had been with me for several years

now with hindsight. I am 44 and have a girl almost 11 and a boy almost 6. It

is horrible how this disease has robbed me of motherhood. I cannot do for them.

I cannot play with my son. I can love them. But sometimes when my little boy

wants to crawl into my lap, the pain is unbelievable. I feel worthless most of

the time because I ask why was it that fate would have me have these two

beautiful children at a time im my life that they cannot have a mother who can

be a mother? If my husband did not take care of them, I don't know what I would

do.

I still work full time. It is VERY difficult to say the least. I don't know

how I will push my butt into work today. But I have pain pills and Lyrica and

if not for that, I don't know how I would work at all. I cannot quit work

because there is NO other answer right now. I am not ABLE to work, but somehow

I have to push on with the pain and fatigue that is constant.

But,,,,, please think of it this way honey. You love your children and if you

show your love to them everyday, that is the best gift a mother can give. Even

though you can't play with your babies or take them places you would like to,

remember that they feel your love. I hug mine every chance I get and tell them

how special they are to me. My daughter is about to hit the teen years when all

the extracurricular activities get massive. I know I will not be able to be

there for her most of the time. It hurts. But she knows her mother is ill. I

have to work to support them. So that is the best I can do.

Please write me anytime. ladybug75901@... is my email address. Also

write the site anytime. I am sorry it took so long to get to you. The group is

very large and the mail volume is massive. But it is a good group of loving

people.

hugs,

Debra V.

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