Re: DBT? / Toni P

[Guest guest]

Toni P - we have two Jeans here, so we just call the newest one Jean C., and

the one that's been here longer just Jean. So we could call you Toni P if

that's okay?

When I read the message from you earlier, the one that described your

daughter saying that she learned from the DBT skills that she could take a

'vacation' from stressful things, I reacted like a mother who's been pushed to

the

limit. As you say below, you work and work to set boundaries, and then if you

deviate from that, or let them inch away from them for a second, the whole

thing seems to go down the drain. So I was reading between the lines there,

and feeling as if mine had used that one on me! Goes back to the old saying -

give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile..... With our bpd kids it seems

they'll take five miles, doesn't it?

It's quite an accomplishment that your daughter has completed this year, and

done everything necessary to get through a year of college even if it is

just taking one subject. We always want more for them, that's the nature of

being a mother.

I always think of that saying - 'don't sweat the small stuff' ..... But

with bpd kids, sometimes it's the 'small stuff' where we see the signs of

bigger

problems..... Or at least it was like that for me. Does that make sense to

anyone else? Or do I just need more coffee this morning?

Blondie

In a message dated 5/20/2006 12:55:12 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

toni.potterton@... writes:

I got enough courage to put a contract and some boundaries in place.

Every time I weaken on any one point - she goes for the next one.

I am hanging in there because I am desperate for her to grow up and become

an adult and get out there and have a life. She is so intelligent that she

could do well. Given the choice she would much rather stay in bed , watch TV

and smoke. SO its a constant battle as we ALL know.

One step at a time I keep telling myself. After 2 years of no education and

just lying around the house she has gone back and is just about to complete

a year of doing just one subject. In September she will ( I pray) go back

full time and do 3 subjects.

So keep hoping and praying but rowing for shore!

Toni