Re: delayed note to Jean

[Guest guest]

Sorry Jean to have taken so long to respond to your note (below) which I've

kept this long- but it made me happy to see how you are (apparently) having

SOME success with finding peace and even a bit of happiness with the sad

situation with your BPdaughter.

I so much feel your pain - but smashing your own head against

the wall won't help. A focus on the grandchildren is clearly the sane way for

YOU to go. SHE is sick, and your own health is at stake if you continue to

agonize over her. At least the grandchildren may help you - as you help them.

I wish you well - (non)

In a message dated 1/5/2006 10:30:24 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

cascorsam@... writes:

it has taken many years and I have only recently come to terms

with accepting how my daughter deals with life. When she first hooked up

with

the ghetto boy who fathered my two grandsons, I was kicking and screaming in

non acceptance. She had been rebellious just as she was beginning college,

but for the 1st 18 yrs of her life was the perfect child----straight A's,

went to a private school where they allowed her to go to Brown University

for

some Senior classes. She was beautiful---was runner up in the Miss RI Teen

Pageant------- too perfect I now realize. She never formed her own identity

back then. I think a good deal of what she has gone thru has to do with her

genes and my being overly protrective and a very controlling, know it all

mother

and she wanting to please me all the time, never rebelled when she should

have and did it royally during and after college to the tune of messing up

her

life greatly.

I do believe she is not happy or satisfied with her life as it is, but I am

offering no advice, money, or anything else. She is 32 and hopefully she

will evetually grow up. I see some distinct characteristics in her baby

girl----10 months old now. She gives me the same blank stare that I used to

see in

when she was a baby and always found it odd. I often wonder if the

father is BP. He does things like pull out his hair and his sister was a

bigtime cutter and is now into drugs as is he.

Why never found a nice, normal, middle class guy, I will never know.

Her positives are that she is a very hard worker when she has to be.

Also, can be a very big spender when she shouldn't be. It seems she

unconsciously deliberately puts herself in situations where she has to work

her butt

off just to survive and somehow seems happy while doing it. Yet last year

when she refinaced the house and had $50,000 in the bank, she manage to

blow

thru it without saving or working at all till this October when she was

pretty

much down to 2 or 3 mortgage payments in the bank. I jsut don't know what

she thinks when she blows thru all the money.

But accepting and sense of humor about it----I have no energy left to fight

this and if I don't joke about it, I would go insane myself. It still pains

me to see what a mess her life is, but I look at my 2 grandsons and see a

ton

of potential in them. They are both very bright---got her academic side and

the older one is also the star of his soccer team and has an arm on him that

won't quit. His little league coach thinks he has great athletic potential.

And they are wonderful, kind, beautiful children. My son is their role

model. The older one, , has said he wants to be a lawyer like his

Uncle

greg and the little one (who borders on Nerd) says HE wants to be a judge.

Great expectations. ANd believe me as long as I am alive, I will do my best

for these two little guys. My energy is now going into them, but if I begin

to

see them acting " perfect " , I'll jump right in and tell them I will love them

even more if they are not perfect but just human.