Victim, or Martyr?

[Guest guest]

I came across these excellent descriptions of victim and martyr, and

recognized myself, (and other people of course....LOL) so I thought I'd share

them

with you all.

Hope this helps someone. : )

I edited some of the contents to shorten.

Blondie

Differences between being a martyr or a victim?

1. Martyrs are people who recognize they are being taken advantage of and

choose to remain in the situation.

Victims are people who are taken advantage of but are unaware of being

treated as such. Once victims recognize that they are being treated unfairly,

they

have the choice of remaining in the situation or not. If they stay, they

risk becoming martyrs.

2. Martyrs are those who recognize that their rights are ignored and abused

but choose to remain in the situation and continue to be treated this way.

Victims are individuals whose rights are ignored and abused but were unaware

that they would be treated in this manner before they entered the situation.

Martyrs are people who let others know how unfairly they are being treated

but choose to remain in this unfair position.

Victims are people who let others know they have been treated unfairly. They

have the chance to leave or change the situation in which they have been

victimized. Victims often suffer silently for long periods of time.

Martyrs often knowingly continue to enable or set up situations in which

their rights are violated or ignored. This ``setting up'' is like a prediction

or prophecy of failure into which, consciously or unconsciously, the martyrs

play, fulfilling the prophecy.

Victims often unknowingly set themselves up for continued abuse and

violation of their rights. They are often confused and bewildered as to why

this

occurs. They lack insight into the actions that bring on this abuse.

Martyrs frequently let the people whom they feel are taking advantage of

them know how badly they are being treated. Martyrs often resort to nagging,

threatening, and belittling those whom they perceive to be taking advantage of

them.

Victims rarely let the people who are taking advantage of them know how they

feel about this treatment.

Martyrs often believe it is their obligation to remain in their position in

life. They would feel guilty if they let go of the current situation.

Victims often want a change and are desperate for a solution to their

situation.

Martyrs have a story line which is habitual. They rarely change their tales

of woe. One can meet them several years later and find them still suffering

from the fate they were experiencing when you last talked to them.

Victims experience their plight temporarily, get help, and are more apt to

get out of the situation. If after getting help and changing, victims

experience the same problems later, they could be martyrs at that time.

Martyrs often mask their behavior with an aura of willingness and desire for

change in their lives. Usually they are only fooling themselves, since the

others in their lives can see by their behavior and attitude that there is no

possibility of change.

Victims usually are open and honest about their discomfort and willingly

seek behavioral change. Their sincerity is easily perceived by others due to

the

actions and behavioral changes that take place.

Martyrs are ``professional'' help seekers. They make the rounds of paid and

volunteer helpers, counselors, anyone willing to listen to their tale of woe.

Unfortunately, they usually ignore the assistance, advice, or direction they

are given. This frequently results in their ``helpers'' giving up on them in

frustration and discouragement.

Victims, on the other hand, seek help in a ``crisis'' only after the

pressure of their problems becomes too great for them to bear. Then they might

be

motivated to change.

(http://www.coping.org/growth/beliefs.htm#Content:)

So in short - here's a

comparison of victim and martyr characteristics

Victim

Martyr

1. Usually has short-term problem

Long-term problem

2. Motivated to change

Stuck in their problem

3. Rights violated by others

Rights violated by others

4. Did not choose the problem

Chooses to remain in problem situation

5. Never complains

Complains all the time

6. Lacks insight into problem

Frequently has insight into the problem

7. Unknowingly plays an active part in the problem

Frequently knowingly plays an active part in the problem

8. Doesn't often seek help

Seeks help all the time

9. Wants to ``let go'' of problem

``Holds on to'' the problem

10. Guilt free

Guilt driven

11. Solution oriented

Problem oriented

12. Powerless due to lack of knowledge

Powerless out of a free will choice to be so

13. Unique problem

Stereotypic, with habitual problems

14. Sincere desire to change

Mask of sincerity

15. Honest to self and others about the problem

Dishonest to self and others about the desire to change

16. Hesitant to get help

Seeks out help habitually

17. Reticent to talk about problem

Relishes the attention received in talking about the problem

18. Embarrassed about the problem

Wears problem as a badge of courage (purple heart)

19. Wants a quick solution to their crisis

Creates crises out of everything but blocks all solutions

20. Open to all new ideas

Holds a ``yes- but'' attitude to all new ideas