Re: Jill in TX/kids not understanding

April 26, 2008

Jill and Jeanne, how I can relate. I feel the same way. I guess I have told

you all that before.

But just knowing I will never be able to be a very active participant in their

lives is a hard pill to swallow.

love and hugs,

Debra V.

Subject: Jill in TX/kids not understanding(some sensitive material)

Date: Saturday, April 26, 2008, 10:20 AM

Hi Jill - I wanted to comment on your daughter not understanding that you are

too sick to be the same kind of parent as some kids have. I've been diagnosed

for 10 years which means my girls were 4 and 9 at the time. They had a tough

time coping, too. They had heard me break down one night in '98 and my telling

my DH that they would all be better off without me. I still feel that way

sometimes.

When my girls complained, I would apologize. I'd tell them that I understood

their feelings, and I didn't like being a sick mom either. Then we would talk

about kids who have parents that are dead, kids who have parents that beat and

abused them. I'd ask if they'd rather have that type of mom or no mom at all.

The one good thing about my weight loss surgery was that after losing 110 pounds

I was able to chaperone a field trip for each of my girls. But that didn't last

of course, and there have been countless times since then that they've been

disappointed. There are many disappointments in life, and our kids might learn

this faster than some other kids. It can be a good thing, although it might not

see like it at the time. Try not to beat yourself up about it as it will only

make your pain, both physical and emotional worse. Be kind to yourself. Let your

kids know every day that you love them. My youngest, Allie, is on the volleyball

team for 8th grade. I haven't been to one of her games. That's just the way it

is. I hope this helps some. Take care.

Jeanne in WI

I have a 9 yr old daughter and a 14 yo son. My daughter has said she feels like

I don't love her because I can never do anything with her because I hurt. My son

understands - but I feel like I am missing out on their whole childhood.

My husband is disabled- he has had 10 back surgeries and has been home for 5

years being the housewife. I work full time as a secretary

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