Re: Kids snapping / Deborah and all....

[Guest guest]

Mercy Deborah! I had a mother in law just like this!

Do you really think that one person's negativity, and minding other's

business can cause our kids to be BPD?

(With all the afflictions that go along with that disorder?)

Blondie

In a message dated 3/6/2006 5:11:22 P.M. Central Standard Time,

minamimuki2004@... writes:

My mother-in-law (who I live with), told my kids all

kinds of lies about me when they were little (Of

course I learned about it years later). Also the

minute I left she'd start with the " OK this is what

Mommy said but we're not going to listen to her, are

we? " crap.

I left them with her as little as possible, but it had

to happen occasionally. My younger daughter managed

to survive this, but I've always wondered how much of

an effect this had on my elder getting bpd. Her

family meant so much to her, I think it might have

been impossible for her to reconcile someone she loved

so much (g'mother) talking like that about someone she

also loved so much (mother). I wonder if that is what

causes the " snap. " My bpd has hardly talked to her

g'mother in 8 years. M-i-l has no idea that anything

she did could have caused this. It's hard for me and

my husband because we're in the middle, but we've long

ago decided that, although it is rude, bpd daughter is

probably instinctively trying to protect herself from

anymore hurt from this woman. I feel sorry for m-i-l,

now close to 80, because we all have such a

superficial relationship with her, but I figure she

had lots and lots of chances years ago, and blew every

last one of them. We've all pretty much opted for

self-protection, and I feel no duty to give her any

explanations.

> This was the

> trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father

> sat her down one day

> when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when

> she was around 4 yrs. old.

> She had never known of it, we moved on with our

> marriage, going to counseling,

> putting it behind us.