p.s. Re: Mood - anyone have this?

[Guest guest]

" He can get it together if he wants to "

Those words haunted me for several years.

Because our youngest acted out with the greatest passion when overwhelmed, he

seemed so inconsistent/contradictory (he can be so terribly loud but can be

sensitive to loudness? he can totally lean onto a person with more than just

his body weight and yet be so sensitive to touch?) and he could be " fine " in

what appeared to me to be the same situation as another time where he was very

not " fine " - I vacillated between feeling a failure as a parent or a victim to

his seeming unreasonableness. This was only exacerbated when initially we would

try reward systems and the novelty of which seemed to work at first. But truly,

I believe these responses are organic. He would try so hard to earn the

rewards, and then just give up.

Once I understood the nature of his sensory integration challenges - it is very

much the same as allergies. There is a " virtual " pipeline, and various elements

fill it up, and once it's full, his system would overload. Carefully being

mindful of the triggers, balancing the pipeline and what is necessary to endure

became key - in both sensory input and allergens. (connection potential is

calling out 's name! ) )

The keys to his success have been -

Including him in the challenge. Telling him what I notice and how it is a

problem and letting him know I don't know. Just living with the question seems

to empower him to create his own solution strategies. (This began out of sheer

collapse and defeat, and inadvertently created a solution. Noticing that, I

began to approach challenges this way to fruitful results)

Telling him what the stated goal is and letting him work his own path there. I

had previously given him systems to follow, which only made things worse.

Recognizing the true source of his challenge, acknowledging and affirming him,

his challenges and his successes.

It was not easy. When he was 4 1/2 I asked him to get his own roommate and move

out. I could go visit him.

At six we hired an educational consultant as a weekly tutor preparing for a

rough adolescence ahead.

At nine we had an SST meeting in which the teacher felt he needed to be

medicated, though he did not demonstrate " classic " ADHD. My anxiety was as his

case was not straightforward, I was unwilling to risk uncovering tics or

possibly creating co-morbid conditions. Basically, my gut said " no " .

Through this time I immersed myself in information about ADD, ADHD, Autism

spectrum disorders, rewards based systems, the Nurtured Heart program,

homeopathic therapy, essential oil therapy, nutriceutical supplements, food

allergy elimination, whole food supplement enhancement, playing with caffeine

..... and while on an ADHD listserve I noticed so many parents talking about

Sensory Integration. That is how I came to the Sensory Integration list serve.

I had read " The Out Of Sync " child before, but the connection didn't come

through to me on my first read when he was three - but the connection to our

whole family was resoundingly affirming when he was a bit older.

Now he is a very lively, spirited, delightful and true to his own nature at all

times nearly thirteen year old who has his very own unique and organic systems

for everything - but never loses things (homework, lunch money, locker keys, gym

clothes), turns all his work in completed and on time and does very well at

school. Most importantly he likes and enjoys himself, has formed wonderful

friendships and is aware of his strengths and the admiration he earns from peers

and teachers. He is no longer the kid that " on a good day is almost like the

rest of us. "

***whew***

I hope this wasn't too off track---

Yuka

Re: Mood - anyone have this?

Deb--tim is like this to some degree. we tried the psychologist at one point

probably ayear and ahalf ago--no help--one thing they did mention was

asbergers--but didn't think it was him.

again he is fine at school--just home--I think part of it is pre-teen stuff.

but if he doesn't get his way the shit hits the fan sometimes throws stuff-hits

things kicks--yells cries--major scene. but he can get it together if he wants

to,

.

[Guest guest]

p.s. Re: Mood - anyone have this?

Yuka wrote:

Once I understood the nature of his sensory integration challenges - it is

very much the same as allergies. There is a " virtual " pipeline, and various

elements fill it up, and once it's full, his system would overload. Carefully

being mindful of the triggers, balancing the pipeline and what is necessary to

endure became key - in both sensory input and allergens. (connection potential

is calling out 's name! ) )

********************

Yuka, I was not completely clear if you meant that your son has sensory input

issues as well as allergen issues or just the one - sensory input issues. At

first I thought the latter, but at the end of your paragraph I thought maybe you

were implying the former.

Either way, I totally agree with you that there can be a tipping point after

which it is hard to keep things working well. Being mindful of that point is

really helpful. If our children can understand the point or 'triggers' so much

the better. In allergy or other overload potential areas I have seen the

concept of overload referred to as a 'toxic' tipping point. It is really

beneficial when one can stay below that point.

:-)

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[Guest guest]

Yuka,

Thank you for all of your experiences and information. I am definitely

going to read that book and address all of these concerns with his OT. I

think between you and , I will be headed in hopefully a better

direction with this. I'll keep you posted.

Debbie

p.s. Re: Mood - anyone have this?

" He can get it together if he wants to "

Those words haunted me for several years.

Because our youngest acted out with the greatest passion when overwhelmed,

he seemed so inconsistent/contradictory (he can be so terribly loud but can

be sensitive to loudness? he can totally lean onto a person with more than

just his body weight and yet be so sensitive to touch?) and he could be

" fine " in what appeared to me to be the same situation as another time where

he was very not " fine " - I vacillated between feeling a failure as a parent

or a victim to his seeming unreasonableness. This was only exacerbated when

initially we would try reward systems and the novelty of which seemed to

work at first. But truly, I believe these responses are organic. He would

try so hard to earn the rewards, and then just give up.

Once I understood the nature of his sensory integration challenges - it is

very much the same as allergies. There is a " virtual " pipeline, and various

elements fill it up, and once it's full, his system would overload.

Carefully being mindful of the triggers, balancing the pipeline and what is

necessary to endure became key - in both sensory input and allergens.

(connection potential is calling out 's name! ) )

The keys to his success have been -

Including him in the challenge. Telling him what I notice and how it is a

problem and letting him know I don't know. Just living with the question

seems to empower him to create his own solution strategies. (This began out

of sheer collapse and defeat, and inadvertently created a solution. Noticing

that, I began to approach challenges this way to fruitful results)

Telling him what the stated goal is and letting him work his own path there.

I had previously given him systems to follow, which only made things worse.

Recognizing the true source of his challenge, acknowledging and affirming

him, his challenges and his successes.

It was not easy. When he was 4 1/2 I asked him to get his own roommate and

move out. I could go visit him.

At six we hired an educational consultant as a weekly tutor preparing for a

rough adolescence ahead.

At nine we had an SST meeting in which the teacher felt he needed to be

medicated, though he did not demonstrate " classic " ADHD. My anxiety was as

his case was not straightforward, I was unwilling to risk uncovering tics or

possibly creating co-morbid conditions. Basically, my gut said " no " .

Through this time I immersed myself in information about ADD, ADHD, Autism

spectrum disorders, rewards based systems, the Nurtured Heart program,

homeopathic therapy, essential oil therapy, nutriceutical supplements, food

allergy elimination, whole food supplement enhancement, playing with

caffeine .... and while on an ADHD listserve I noticed so many parents

talking about Sensory Integration. That is how I came to the Sensory

Integration list serve.

I had read " The Out Of Sync " child before, but the connection didn't come

through to me on my first read when he was three - but the connection to our

whole family was resoundingly affirming when he was a bit older.

Now he is a very lively, spirited, delightful and true to his own nature at

all times nearly thirteen year old who has his very own unique and organic

systems for everything - but never loses things (homework, lunch money,

locker keys, gym clothes), turns all his work in completed and on time and

does very well at school. Most importantly he likes and enjoys himself, has

formed wonderful friendships and is aware of his strengths and the

admiration he earns from peers and teachers. He is no longer the kid that

" on a good day is almost like the rest of us. "

***whew***

I hope this wasn't too off track---

Yuka

Re: Mood - anyone have this?

Deb--tim is like this to some degree. we tried the psychologist at one point

probably ayear and ahalf ago--no help--one thing they did mention was

asbergers--but didn't think it was him.

again he is fine at school--just home--I think part of it is pre-teen stuff.

but if he doesn't get his way the shit hits the fan sometimes throws

stuff-hits things kicks--yells cries--major scene. but he can get it

together if he wants to,

..