Re: Dear Fuzzy Brain (vulnerabilities)

[Guest guest]

Dear Casey,

I'm glad you shared. You were one of those held in my heart as I ventured a

word on the subject.

I, too, sincerely hope it is the first option, and you can manage it easily.

---

When you think of how many days you've no doubt said to yourself, " oh, I'm

fine.. "

or " I'll be fine " , and you just go on. Sometimes I feel I live my life now

from crisis

to crisis. If there's nothing that needs to be addressed, part of me is on

hold...waiting.

I wouldn't have believed that of myself 10 years ago, maybe not even 5

years ago.

But this is where time has brought me. There comes a day...always too

soon...

when you get introduced to your own vulnerability.

It's not any kind of martyr complex. I just know that for myself, the last

thing

I want to do is willingly go spend any time with yet another doctor. lol. I

don't

care who it's for. So, it's my visits that don't happen. Like Casey.

I'm not sure where to go with this, except to say that even though we feel

fine, and

capable, and up to every challenge for a long time, there is another

aspect of

Charge that can quietly act on the parents, and it has to do with LONG-TERM

stress,

and a heart sometimes tinged with sadness, no matter how joyful given moments

are. I don't want to depress anyone, or add any burden. Knowledge is

power, right? Forewarned is forearmed. What I'm not sure of is 1.

whether we all

really realize the potential of this circumstance, and 2. if we really

know what to do about

it. It's hard to be proactive when you don't feel any problem, any need.

But I've seen it in the faces of some through the years. Maybe we can find

those who

have not suffered a personal toll, and interview them.

Massage, anyone?

;-)

in Ma.

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

,

I have been thinking about this a lot here lately. Especially since my doc is

now in the process of deciding whether or not what is going on with me is

pre-diabetes 2 or Lupus.. Stress is a major factor in controlling either. I

haven't been taking care of myself very well either way, but believe me if it

has to be one or the other I'll take the diabetes. My SIL has Lupus and hers is

mild for now but she goes through hell during a flare.

Proved my own point a couple months ago.. wasn't feeling well for a while and

figured what the heck had a doc appt so I'd just drop by my doc and she'd

tell me I had bronchitis, give me some antibiotics and I'd be on my way.. No

such luck.. I show up, my sats in the low 70's, and the next thing I know I'm in

an ambulance on the way to the hosp and am there for a week, home on O2.. all

sorts of funzies and meds..

I too, have always placed problems, and all the kids, above my own. But

now it looks like it wasn't such a good idea, I have let myself get run down.

Whether or not the medical problems I have now are related to that I don't know,

but I would like to stress to parents to take care of themselves, we can't take

care of our kids if we are the ones in the hospital.

So please parents, take care, some things you just can't ignore and hope it will

all go away.

Casey

Mom to 15 CHARGE, Ken 17, Dawn 28

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Great advice Casey, I think most of our guilty of the same thing.

>

> ,

>

> I have been thinking about this a lot here lately. Especially since my doc

> is now in the process of deciding whether or not what is going on with me is

> pre-diabetes 2 or Lupus.. Stress is a major factor in controlling either. I

> haven't been taking care of myself very well either way, but believe me if

> it has to be one or the other I'll take the diabetes. My SIL has Lupus and

> hers is mild for now but she goes through hell during a flare.

>

> Proved my own point a couple months ago.. wasn't feeling well for a while

> and figured what the heck had a doc appt so I'd just drop by my doc

> and she'd tell me I had bronchitis, give me some antibiotics and I'd be on

> my way.. No such luck.. I show up, my sats in the low 70's, and the next

> thing I know I'm in an ambulance on the way to the hosp and am there for a

> week, home on O2.. all sorts of funzies and meds..

>

> I too, have always placed problems, and all the kids, above my own.

> But now it looks like it wasn't such a good idea, I have let myself get run

> down. Whether or not the medical problems I have now are related to that I

> don't know, but I would like to stress to parents to take care of

> themselves, we can't take care of our kids if we are the ones in the

> hospital.

>

> So please parents, take care, some things you just can't ignore and hope

> it will all go away.

>

> Casey

> Mom to 15 CHARGE, Ken 17, Dawn 28

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Great advice Casey, I think most of our guilty of the same thing.

>

> ,

>

> I have been thinking about this a lot here lately. Especially since my doc

> is now in the process of deciding whether or not what is going on with me is

> pre-diabetes 2 or Lupus.. Stress is a major factor in controlling either. I

> haven't been taking care of myself very well either way, but believe me if

> it has to be one or the other I'll take the diabetes. My SIL has Lupus and

> hers is mild for now but she goes through hell during a flare.

>

> Proved my own point a couple months ago.. wasn't feeling well for a while

> and figured what the heck had a doc appt so I'd just drop by my doc

> and she'd tell me I had bronchitis, give me some antibiotics and I'd be on

> my way.. No such luck.. I show up, my sats in the low 70's, and the next

> thing I know I'm in an ambulance on the way to the hosp and am there for a

> week, home on O2.. all sorts of funzies and meds..

>

> I too, have always placed problems, and all the kids, above my own.

> But now it looks like it wasn't such a good idea, I have let myself get run

> down. Whether or not the medical problems I have now are related to that I

> don't know, but I would like to stress to parents to take care of

> themselves, we can't take care of our kids if we are the ones in the

> hospital.

>

> So please parents, take care, some things you just can't ignore and hope

> it will all go away.

>

> Casey

> Mom to 15 CHARGE, Ken 17, Dawn 28

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

casye hope its nto lupas i no soemone who died from it a few years ago love

u heaps

>

> Dear Casey,

>

> I'm glad you shared. You were one of those held in my heart as I ventured

> a

> word on the subject.

> I, too, sincerely hope it is the first option, and you can manage it

> easily.

> ---

> When you think of how many days you've no doubt said to yourself, " oh, I'm

>

> fine.. "

> or " I'll be fine " , and you just go on. Sometimes I feel I live my life now

>

> from crisis

> to crisis. If there's nothing that needs to be addressed, part of me is on

>

> hold...waiting.

>

> I wouldn't have believed that of myself 10 years ago, maybe not even 5

> years ago.

> But this is where time has brought me. There comes a day...always too

> soon...

> when you get introduced to your own vulnerability.

>

> It's not any kind of martyr complex. I just know that for myself, the last

>

> thing

> I want to do is willingly go spend any time with yet another doctor. lol.

> I

> don't

> care who it's for. So, it's my visits that don't happen. Like Casey.

>

>

> I'm not sure where to go with this, except to say that even though we feel

>

> fine, and

> capable, and up to every challenge for a long time, there is another

> aspect of

> Charge that can quietly act on the parents, and it has to do with

> LONG-TERM

> stress,

> and a heart sometimes tinged with sadness, no matter how joyful given

> moments

> are. I don't want to depress anyone, or add any burden. Knowledge is

> power, right? Forewarned is forearmed. What I'm not sure of is 1.

> whether we all

> really realize the potential of this circumstance, and 2. if we really

> know what to do about

> it. It's hard to be proactive when you don't feel any problem, any need.

> But I've seen it in the faces of some through the years. Maybe we can find

>

> those who

> have not suffered a personal toll, and interview them.

>

> Massage, anyone?

> ;-)

> in Ma.

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** See what's free at

> http://www.aol.com.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Good grief ,

Did you (sweetly and humbly) mention to God that he needn't have made it on

your

b-day? That there was no way you were going to be able to forget no matter

how hard

you tried.

I would guess it was being so young that allowed you to pull thru-that, and

of course

this life we were intended to live. To recover with no back/leg pain is

incredible.

Yes, love and purpose. The best and greatest motivators. As long as we keep

ourselves in receiving mode too.

BTW, I'm very disappointed. I was counting on you to be closer to the

same age as me. I sincerely hope this whole tangent is not just the

unsettling consequence of another passing year. It's probably more

that 's entering another big life-change, and I'm not feeling the

energy I'd

like to have to do the job, or the best job for her; that my lack will end

up as

her lack. Crap. Not good. We've said before-pace yourself, this isn't a

sprint.

It's going to be a marathon. Right when you'd like to " retire " is when you

need

your best " 2nd (3,4,5th) wind " . I think you all are identifying many

important

pieces of what it takes to go all the way, well. And hopefully we can think

of

even more, so nobody gets caught by surprise. Sally and hubby started

planning early

and did very well with all of it.

>>>I begin each day now with the thought " Okay what am I suppose to be

doing here. " For me the signs seem to come. Allot of time from my

heart.<<<

That's wisdom. I also try to do the same.

Heaven forbid, I learned a long time ago-I don't want to handle any unguided

thing by

my hand or my head alone.

Haha. I just saw Pam's Holy Smokes. Funny. " You've got us all smoking and

griefing " Lol.

;-)

in Ma.

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

It is so true that the tought of your own mortality can sneak up on

you. At 23 I was trying to get pregnant with a second child. Oh, I'd

been having some back pain. Had some problems with my legs going to

sleep at night. I kept telling myself what could be wrong with me at

the age of 23. I was young hadn't had any serious injuries. One

routine checkup and that all changed. Doctor ordered an xray. Had me

come right back into the office same day. Sent me to an orthopedic

surgeon that same day. They wanted to admit me that same day. How

well I remember because it was my birthday. Surgeon told me I had a

severe curvature of the spine. (sway back) I was having 75% slippage

in the last 3 vertibra of my spine. The numbness I was experiencing

at night was my spinal colume being pinched.

I had a 3 year old daughter at home. I couldn't just let them admit

me that day. I went home in a full corset brace with steel bars on

each side of my spine until I could make arrangments to come back for

surgery.

After having surgery for a spinal fusion I was made to lay flat on my

back for two weeks then they were going to put a cast on me to go

home in. The cast went from my armpits to my knees. I'm 52 now so

casts back then were the big/hot plaster ones. Back then I was back

on birth control and smoked cigerates and they put me flat on my back

after major surgery.

Thank God I was still in hospital when I formed the first blood clot

which lodged in my lung. They put me on blood thinners. They had just

switched from IV to pill form (coumadin) when I hemmoraged on the

spine. It happened late at night and at first they thought I had

kidney stones. By 6 am my doctors came in and dx. the hemmorage. I

had lost all feeling from the waist down. Couldn't feel them sticking

pins into me. Took me into emergency surgery but weren't sure I was

ever going to get feeling back or walk again. They removed the cast

and hoped to get me up and walking to prevent more clots. I had

feeling after surgery but had to learn to walk all over again. A few

more weeks in hospital and I developed terrible pain in my groin

area. Doctors thought I might be getting shingles. They continued to

try and make me walk but the pain got so intense I refused to get out

of bed. They were going to send me home thinking still that my pain

was shingles. It was a Friday and I was to go home by ambulance on

Sat. They sent a doctor I had never seen before to do my discharge

exam. (To this day I think he was a Guardian Angel.) He reviewed my

chart then refused to sign my discharge. He ordered nuclear medicine

to xray my legs for clots immediatly. In the Xray department they

stopped counting at 7 clots. I was told to lay very still and not

move my legs. The clots were large enough to kill me if they went to

my heart/lungs/or brain. They took me into surgery immediatly. They

put a restricting clamp on my inferior vena cava vein and one on a

ovary vein that was large and by passed the vena cara clamp. It was

the 3rd major surgery in about 25 days. I survived the surgery but

wasn't doing well. Put in intensive care on resperater and doctors

said family should come in because I may not make it. 62 days after

being admitted I walked out of the hospital on my own two legs. Once

home I got myself back to what I had been. (without the back pain.)

Funny the fusion was a hugh success but I was told I should never

attempt to have any more children. Not because of my back but because

of the blood clots.

At 52 I can look back and believe all things happen for a reason. As

awful as it was, if not for the complications of back surgery I would

not have fostered or adopted children. I would not have found

and I would not have found . If not for needing my

heart surgery (again not disease but birth defect) I would not have

gone for 's home. I would not have met Debra, and Greg.

There were so many close calls when I could very well have died. If

they had sent me home that sat. I would have thrown a large clot

which more than likely would have killed me at the age of 23. The

doctors said it was short a miracle that I had feeling after loosing

all function from the waist down including bowels and bladder with

the pressure of over a pint of blood on my spinal colume for 8 hours.

God had a mission for me. I think I wasn't listening 100% so he gave

me some wakeup calls over the years. I'm kinda thick so he had to get

a little physical on me.

I begin each day now with the thought " Okay what am I suppose to be

doing here. " For me the signs seem to come. Allot of time from my

heart. I don't take anything for granted. Enjoy each moment and never

turn away from someone in need but for the Grace of God it could be

me who is the one in need.

Well, I'm the long winded one tonight. Go and be good to

yourselves. After all God have given us all a mission with our kids.

To love, learn and forever to be better.

All my love to you guys,

mom to 31

>

> Dear Casey,

>

> I'm glad you shared. You were one of those held in my heart as I

ventured a

> word on the subject.

> I, too, sincerely hope it is the first option, and you can manage

it easily.

> ---

> When you think of how many days you've no doubt said to

yourself, " oh, I'm

> fine.. "

> or " I'll be fine " , and you just go on. Sometimes I feel I live my

life now

> from crisis

> to crisis. If there's nothing that needs to be addressed, part of

me is on

> hold...waiting.

>

> I wouldn't have believed that of myself 10 years ago, maybe not

even 5

> years ago.

> But this is where time has brought me. There comes a day...always

too

> soon...

> when you get introduced to your own vulnerability.

>

> It's not any kind of martyr complex. I just know that for myself,

the last

> thing

> I want to do is willingly go spend any time with yet another

doctor. lol. I

> don't

> care who it's for. So, it's my visits that don't happen. Like

Casey.

>

>

> I'm not sure where to go with this, except to say that even though

we feel

> fine, and

> capable, and up to every challenge for a long time, there is

another

> aspect of

> Charge that can quietly act on the parents, and it has to do with

LONG-TERM

> stress,

> and a heart sometimes tinged with sadness, no matter how joyful

given moments

> are. I don't want to depress anyone, or add any burden.

Knowledge is

> power, right? Forewarned is forearmed. What I'm not sure of

is 1.

> whether we all

> really realize the potential of this circumstance, and 2. if we

really

> know what to do about

> it. It's hard to be proactive when you don't feel any problem,

any need.

> But I've seen it in the faces of some through the years. Maybe we

can find

> those who

> have not suffered a personal toll, and interview them.

>

> Massage, anyone?

> ;-)

> in Ma.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** See what's free at

http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Holy Smoke, !!!

I don't even know what to say other than, Holy Smoke!!! Thank you for sharing;

thank you for living; thank you for doing all you do and all you help us with.

pam

Re: Dear Fuzzy Brain (vulnerabilities)

It is so true that the tought of your own mortality can sneak up on

you. At 23 I was trying to get pregnant with a second child. Oh, I'd

been having some back pain. Had some problems with my legs going to

sleep at night. I kept telling myself what could be wrong with me at

the age of 23. I was young hadn't had any serious injuries. One

routine checkup and that all changed. Doctor ordered an xray. Had me

come right back into the office same day. Sent me to an orthopedic

surgeon that same day. They wanted to admit me that same day. How

well I remember because it was my birthday. Surgeon told me I had a

severe curvature of the spine. (sway back) I was having 75% slippage

in the last 3 vertibra of my spine. The numbness I was experiencing

at night was my spinal colume being pinched.

I had a 3 year old daughter at home. I couldn't just let them admit

me that day. I went home in a full corset brace with steel bars on

each side of my spine until I could make arrangments to come back for

surgery.

After having surgery for a spinal fusion I was made to lay flat on my

back for two weeks then they were going to put a cast on me to go

home in. The cast went from my armpits to my knees. I'm 52 now so

casts back then were the big/hot plaster ones. Back then I was back

on birth control and smoked cigerates and they put me flat on my back

after major surgery.

Thank God I was still in hospital when I formed the first blood clot

which lodged in my lung. They put me on blood thinners. They had just

switched from IV to pill form (coumadin) when I hemmoraged on the

spine. It happened late at night and at first they thought I had

kidney stones. By 6 am my doctors came in and dx. the hemmorage. I

had lost all feeling from the waist down. Couldn't feel them sticking

pins into me. Took me into emergency surgery but weren't sure I was

ever going to get feeling back or walk again. They removed the cast

and hoped to get me up and walking to prevent more clots. I had

feeling after surgery but had to learn to walk all over again. A few

more weeks in hospital and I developed terrible pain in my groin

area. Doctors thought I might be getting shingles. They continued to

try and make me walk but the pain got so intense I refused to get out

of bed. They were going to send me home thinking still that my pain

was shingles. It was a Friday and I was to go home by ambulance on

Sat. They sent a doctor I had never seen before to do my discharge

exam. (To this day I think he was a Guardian Angel.) He reviewed my

chart then refused to sign my discharge. He ordered nuclear medicine

to xray my legs for clots immediatly. In the Xray department they

stopped counting at 7 clots. I was told to lay very still and not

move my legs. The clots were large enough to kill me if they went to

my heart/lungs/or brain. They took me into surgery immediatly. They

put a restricting clamp on my inferior vena cava vein and one on a

ovary vein that was large and by passed the vena cara clamp. It was

the 3rd major surgery in about 25 days. I survived the surgery but

wasn't doing well. Put in intensive care on resperater and doctors

said family should come in because I may not make it. 62 days after

being admitted I walked out of the hospital on my own two legs. Once

home I got myself back to what I had been. (without the back pain.)

Funny the fusion was a hugh success but I was told I should never

attempt to have any more children. Not because of my back but because

of the blood clots.

At 52 I can look back and believe all things happen for a reason. As

awful as it was, if not for the complications of back surgery I would

not have fostered or adopted children. I would not have found

and I would not have found . If not for needing my

heart surgery (again not disease but birth defect) I would not have

gone for 's home. I would not have met Debra, and Greg.

There were so many close calls when I could very well have died. If

they had sent me home that sat. I would have thrown a large clot

which more than likely would have killed me at the age of 23. The

doctors said it was short a miracle that I had feeling after loosing

all function from the waist down including bowels and bladder with

the pressure of over a pint of blood on my spinal colume for 8 hours.

God had a mission for me. I think I wasn't listening 100% so he gave

me some wakeup calls over the years. I'm kinda thick so he had to get

a little physical on me.

I begin each day now with the thought " Okay what am I suppose to be

doing here. " For me the signs seem to come. Allot of time from my

heart. I don't take anything for granted. Enjoy each moment and never

turn away from someone in need but for the Grace of God it could be

me who is the one in need.

Well, I'm the long winded one tonight. Go and be good to

yourselves. After all God have given us all a mission with our kids.

To love, learn and forever to be better.

All my love to you guys,

mom to 31

>

> Dear Casey,

>

> I'm glad you shared. You were one of those held in my heart as I

ventured a

> word on the subject.

> I, too, sincerely hope it is the first option, and you can manage

it easily.

> ---

> When you think of how many days you've no doubt said to

yourself, " oh, I'm

> fine.. "

> or " I'll be fine " , and you just go on. Sometimes I feel I live my

life now

> from crisis

> to crisis. If there's nothing that needs to be addressed, part of

me is on

> hold...waiting.

>

> I wouldn't have believed that of myself 10 years ago, maybe not

even 5

> years ago.

> But this is where time has brought me. There comes a day...always

too

> soon...

> when you get introduced to your own vulnerability.

>

> It's not any kind of martyr complex. I just know that for myself,

the last

> thing

> I want to do is willingly go spend any time with yet another

doctor. lol. I

> don't

> care who it's for. So, it's my visits that don't happen. Like

Casey.

>

>

> I'm not sure where to go with this, except to say that even though

we feel

> fine, and

> capable, and up to every challenge for a long time, there is

another

> aspect of

> Charge that can quietly act on the parents, and it has to do with

LONG-TERM

> stress,

> and a heart sometimes tinged with sadness, no matter how joyful

given moments

> are. I don't want to depress anyone, or add any burden.

Knowledge is

> power, right? Forewarned is forearmed. What I'm not sure of

is 1.

> whether we all

> really realize the potential of this circumstance, and 2. if we

really

> know what to do about

> it. It's hard to be proactive when you don't feel any problem,

any need.

> But I've seen it in the faces of some through the years. Maybe we

can find

> those who

> have not suffered a personal toll, and interview them.

>

> Massage, anyone?

> ;-)

> in Ma.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** See what's free at

http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

LInda,

you are a crack up.

pam

Re: Re: Dear Fuzzy Brain (vulnerabilities)

Good grief ,

Did you (sweetly and humbly) mention to God that he needn't have made it on

your

b-day? That there was no way you were going to be able to forget no matter

how hard

you tried.

I would guess it was being so young that allowed you to pull thru-that, and

of course

this life we were intended to live. To recover with no back/leg pain is

incredible.

Yes, love and purpose. The best and greatest motivators. As long as we keep

ourselves in receiving mode too.

BTW, I'm very disappointed. I was counting on you to be closer to the

same age as me. I sincerely hope this whole tangent is not just the

unsettling consequence of another passing year. It's probably more

that 's entering another big life-change, and I'm not feeling the

energy I'd

like to have to do the job, or the best job for her; that my lack will end

up as

her lack. Crap. Not good. We've said before-pace yourself, this isn't a

sprint.

It's going to be a marathon. Right when you'd like to " retire " is when you

need

your best " 2nd (3,4,5th) wind " . I think you all are identifying many

important

pieces of what it takes to go all the way, well. And hopefully we can think

of

even more, so nobody gets caught by surprise. Sally and hubby started

planning early

and did very well with all of it.

>>>I begin each day now with the thought " Okay what am I suppose to be

doing here. " For me the signs seem to come. Allot of time from my

heart.<<<

That's wisdom. I also try to do the same.

Heaven forbid, I learned a long time ago-I don't want to handle any unguided

thing by

my hand or my head alone.

Haha. I just saw Pam's Holy Smokes. Funny. " You've got us all smoking and

griefing " Lol.

;-)

in Ma.

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

My dearest ,

I am soooo sorry to disappoint you. Am I older than you or younger

than you?????? Come on you can whisper in my ear and no one else will

know..... If it helps, I look much,much younger......or older

depending on how old you are.....

>

> LInda,

> you are a crack up.

> pam

>

>

> Re: Re: Dear Fuzzy Brain (vulnerabilities)

>

> Good grief ,

>

> Did you (sweetly and humbly) mention to God that he needn't have

made it on

> your

> b-day? That there was no way you were going to be able to forget

no matter

> how hard

> you tried.

>

> I would guess it was being so young that allowed you to pull thru-

that, and

> of course

> this life we were intended to live. To recover with no back/leg

pain is

> incredible.

>

> Yes, love and purpose. The best and greatest motivators. As long

as we keep

> ourselves in receiving mode too.

>

> BTW, I'm very disappointed. I was counting on you to be closer

to the

> same age as me. I sincerely hope this whole tangent is not just

the

> unsettling consequence of another passing year. It's probably

more

> that 's entering another big life-change, and I'm not feeling

the

> energy I'd

> like to have to do the job, or the best job for her; that my lack

will end

> up as

> her lack. Crap. Not good. We've said before-pace yourself,

this isn't a

> sprint.

> It's going to be a marathon. Right when you'd like to " retire " is

when you

> need

> your best " 2nd (3,4,5th) wind " . I think you all are identifying

many

> important

> pieces of what it takes to go all the way, well. And hopefully we

can think

> of

> even more, so nobody gets caught by surprise. Sally and hubby

started

> planning early

> and did very well with all of it.

>

> >>>I begin each day now with the thought " Okay what am I suppose

to be

> doing here. " For me the signs seem to come. Allot of time from my

> heart.<<<

> That's wisdom. I also try to do the same.

> Heaven forbid, I learned a long time ago-I don't want to handle

any unguided

> thing by

> my hand or my head alone.

>

> Haha. I just saw Pam's Holy Smokes. Funny. " You've got us all

smoking and

> griefing " Lol.

>

> ;-)

> in Ma.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** See what's free at

http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

hahaha,

this is funny, Ladies. And given that I am in your same side of the boat (I am

older than you, ) we can invite the lovely to join us. Actually,

, I think I am older than you, as well!!!

pam

Re: Re: Dear Fuzzy Brain (vulnerabilities)

>

> Good grief ,

>

> Did you (sweetly and humbly) mention to God that he needn't have

made it on

> your

> b-day? That there was no way you were going to be able to forget

no matter

> how hard

> you tried.

>

> I would guess it was being so young that allowed you to pull thru-

that, and

> of course

> this life we were intended to live. To recover with no back/leg

pain is

> incredible.

>

> Yes, love and purpose. The best and greatest motivators. As long

as we keep

> ourselves in receiving mode too.

>

> BTW, I'm very disappointed. I was counting on you to be closer

to the

> same age as me. I sincerely hope this whole tangent is not just

the

> unsettling consequence of another passing year. It's probably

more

> that 's entering another big life-change, and I'm not feeling

the

> energy I'd

> like to have to do the job, or the best job for her; that my lack

will end

> up as

> her lack. Crap. Not good. We've said before-pace yourself,

this isn't a

> sprint.

> It's going to be a marathon. Right when you'd like to " retire " is

when you

> need

> your best " 2nd (3,4,5th) wind " . I think you all are identifying

many

> important

> pieces of what it takes to go all the way, well. And hopefully we

can think

> of

> even more, so nobody gets caught by surprise. Sally and hubby

started

> planning early

> and did very well with all of it.

>

> >>>I begin each day now with the thought " Okay what am I suppose

to be

> doing here. " For me the signs seem to come. Allot of time from my

> heart.<<<

> That's wisdom. I also try to do the same.

> Heaven forbid, I learned a long time ago-I don't want to handle

any unguided

> thing by

> my hand or my head alone.

>

> Haha. I just saw Pam's Holy Smokes. Funny. " You've got us all

smoking and

> griefing " Lol.

>

> ;-)

> in Ma.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** See what's free at

http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OK, Time for a show of birth certificates..... I'm right up there wiht you guys

Casey

RE: Re: Dear Fuzzy Brain (vulnerabilities)

hahaha,

this is funny, Ladies. And given that I am in your same side of the boat (I am

older than you, ) we can invite the lovely to join us. Actually,

, I think I am older than you, as well!!!

pam

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Dear Vic,Cas, and Pam,

Fine. But I'm only telling you three, and you have to PROMISE to keep it a

secret.

Number 59 is coming down the pike at around 200 miles per hr.

I believe that puts me in the boat bow. (that is if you can help me get in)

>>If it helps, I look much,much younger.....If it helps

depending on how old you are.....<<

, that is the sweetest (and most clever) offering anyone has ever

given me.

Now, if Ms. , one of our classic energizer bunnies, also belongs in the

boat,

I'm definitely swearing off something. I don't know what, but I'm swearing

it off!!!!

Lawsy, lawsy...there's Pam again...with AARP. Hahaha. I can't stand it. I

was going

to check their insurance prices sometime today. Face it, it's over.....

Did anybody grab a bailing can????

Love,

in Ma.

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

Hahaha,

2/3/52 making me 55. (and quite happy about this! I haven¹t used my AARP

³clout² at the movies yet, but next time!!

pam

>

>

>

>

> OK, Time for a show of birth certificates..... I'm right up there wiht you

> guys

>

> Casey

>

> RE: Re: Dear Fuzzy Brain (vulnerabilities)

>

> hahaha,

> this is funny, Ladies. And given that I am in your same side of the boat (I

> am older than you, ) we can invite the lovely to join us.

> Actually, , I think I am older than you, as well!!!

> pam

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hey,

We can use the pee pot if we all wear our depends......for bailing

that is......LOL

PS I will not say who's mom I am to forgo embarrassing him....

>

> Dear Vic,Cas, and Pam,

>

> Fine. But I'm only telling you three, and you have to PROMISE to

keep it a

> secret.

> Number 59 is coming down the pike at around 200 miles per hr.

> I believe that puts me in the boat bow. (that is if you can help me

get in)

>

> >>If it helps, I look much,much younger.....If it helps

> depending on how old you are.....<<

> , that is the sweetest (and most clever) offering anyone

has ever

> given me.

>

> Now, if Ms. , one of our classic energizer bunnies, also

belongs in the

> boat,

> I'm definitely swearing off something. I don't know what, but I'm

swearing

> it off!!!!

>

> Lawsy, lawsy...there's Pam again...with AARP. Hahaha. I can't

stand it. I

> was going

> to check their insurance prices sometime today. Face it, it's

over.....

>

> Did anybody grab a bailing can????

>

> Love,

> in Ma.

>

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** See what's free at

http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You two are hysterical together!

pam

>

>

>

>

> Hey,

>

> We can use the pee pot if we all wear our depends......for bailing

> that is......LOL

>

>

>

> PS I will not say who's mom I am to forgo embarrassing him....

>

>

>> >

>> > Dear Vic,Cas, and Pam,

>> >

>> > Fine. But I'm only telling you three, and you have to PROMISE to

> keep it a

>> > secret.

>> > Number 59 is coming down the pike at around 200 miles per hr.

>> > I believe that puts me in the boat bow. (that is if you can help me

> get in)

>> >

>>>> > >>If it helps, I look much,much younger.....If it helps

>> > depending on how old you are.....<<

>> > , that is the sweetest (and most clever) offering anyone

> has ever

>> > given me.

>> >

>> > Now, if Ms. , one of our classic energizer bunnies, also

> belongs in the

>> > boat,

>> > I'm definitely swearing off something. I don't know what, but I'm

> swearing

>> > it off!!!!

>> >

>> > Lawsy, lawsy...there's Pam again...with AARP. Hahaha. I can't

> stand it. I

>> > was going

>> > to check their insurance prices sometime today. Face it, it's

> over.....

>> >

>> > Did anybody grab a bailing can????

>> >

>> > Love,

>> > in Ma.

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > ************************************** See what's free at

> http://www.aol.com.

>> >

>> >

>> >

[Guest guest]

wow!! I guess we don't always know our plan for life--and even though they

aren't the one we may have chosen there is a reason for everything. I'm glad

that dr. was there--so you are here now.

Re: Dear Fuzzy Brain (vulnerabilities)

It is so true that the tought of your own mortality can sneak up on

you. At 23 I was trying to get pregnant with a second child. Oh, I'd

been having some back pain. Had some problems with my legs going to

sleep at night. I kept telling myself what could be wrong with me at

the age of 23. I was young hadn't had any serious injuries. One

routine checkup and that all changed. Doctor ordered an xray. Had me

come right back into the office same day. Sent me to an orthopedic

surgeon that same day. They wanted to admit me that same day. How

well I remember because it was my birthday. Surgeon told me I had a

severe curvature of the spine. (sway back) I was having 75% slippage

in the last 3 vertibra of my spine. The numbness I was experiencing

at night was my spinal colume being pinched.

I had a 3 year old daughter at home. I couldn't just let them admit

me that day. I went home in a full corset brace with steel bars on

each side of my spine until I could make arrangments to come back for

surgery.

After having surgery for a spinal fusion I was made to lay flat on my

back for two weeks then they were going to put a cast on me to go

home in. The cast went from my armpits to my knees. I'm 52 now so

casts back then were the big/hot plaster ones. Back then I was back

on birth control and smoked cigerates and they put me flat on my back

after major surgery.

Thank God I was still in hospital when I formed the first blood clot

which lodged in my lung. They put me on blood thinners. They had just

switched from IV to pill form (coumadin) when I hemmoraged on the

spine. It happened late at night and at first they thought I had

kidney stones. By 6 am my doctors came in and dx. the hemmorage. I

had lost all feeling from the waist down. Couldn't feel them sticking

pins into me. Took me into emergency surgery but weren't sure I was

ever going to get feeling back or walk again. They removed the cast

and hoped to get me up and walking to prevent more clots. I had

feeling after surgery but had to learn to walk all over again. A few

more weeks in hospital and I developed terrible pain in my groin

area. Doctors thought I might be getting shingles. They continued to

try and make me walk but the pain got so intense I refused to get out

of bed. They were going to send me home thinking still that my pain

was shingles. It was a Friday and I was to go home by ambulance on

Sat. They sent a doctor I had never seen before to do my discharge

exam. (To this day I think he was a Guardian Angel.) He reviewed my

chart then refused to sign my discharge. He ordered nuclear medicine

to xray my legs for clots immediatly. In the Xray department they

stopped counting at 7 clots. I was told to lay very still and not

move my legs. The clots were large enough to kill me if they went to

my heart/lungs/or brain. They took me into surgery immediatly. They

put a restricting clamp on my inferior vena cava vein and one on a

ovary vein that was large and by passed the vena cara clamp. It was

the 3rd major surgery in about 25 days. I survived the surgery but

wasn't doing well. Put in intensive care on resperater and doctors

said family should come in because I may not make it. 62 days after

being admitted I walked out of the hospital on my own two legs. Once

home I got myself back to what I had been. (without the back pain.)

Funny the fusion was a hugh success but I was told I should never

attempt to have any more children. Not because of my back but because

of the blood clots.

At 52 I can look back and believe all things happen for a reason. As

awful as it was, if not for the complications of back surgery I would

not have fostered or adopted children. I would not have found

and I would not have found . If not for needing my

heart surgery (again not disease but birth defect) I would not have

gone for 's home. I would not have met Debra, and Greg.

There were so many close calls when I could very well have died. If

they had sent me home that sat. I would have thrown a large clot

which more than likely would have killed me at the age of 23. The

doctors said it was short a miracle that I had feeling after loosing

all function from the waist down including bowels and bladder with

the pressure of over a pint of blood on my spinal colume for 8 hours.

God had a mission for me. I think I wasn't listening 100% so he gave

me some wakeup calls over the years. I'm kinda thick so he had to get

a little physical on me.

I begin each day now with the thought " Okay what am I suppose to be

doing here. " For me the signs seem to come. Allot of time from my

heart. I don't take anything for granted. Enjoy each moment and never

turn away from someone in need but for the Grace of God it could be

me who is the one in need.

Well, I'm the long winded one tonight. Go and be good to

yourselves. After all God have given us all a mission with our kids.

To love, learn and forever to be better.

All my love to you guys,

mom to 31

>

> Dear Casey,

>

> I'm glad you shared. You were one of those held in my heart as I

ventured a

> word on the subject.

> I, too, sincerely hope it is the first option, and you can manage

it easily.

> ---

> When you think of how many days you've no doubt said to

yourself, " oh, I'm

> fine.. "

> or " I'll be fine " , and you just go on. Sometimes I feel I live my

life now

> from crisis

> to crisis. If there's nothing that needs to be addressed, part of

me is on

> hold...waiting.

>

> I wouldn't have believed that of myself 10 years ago, maybe not

even 5

> years ago.

> But this is where time has brought me. There comes a day...always

too

> soon...

> when you get introduced to your own vulnerability.

>

> It's not any kind of martyr complex. I just know that for myself,

the last

> thing

> I want to do is willingly go spend any time with yet another

doctor. lol. I

> don't

> care who it's for. So, it's my visits that don't happen. Like

Casey.

>

>

> I'm not sure where to go with this, except to say that even though

we feel

> fine, and

> capable, and up to every challenge for a long time, there is

another

> aspect of

> Charge that can quietly act on the parents, and it has to do with

LONG-TERM

> stress,

> and a heart sometimes tinged with sadness, no matter how joyful

given moments

> are. I don't want to depress anyone, or add any burden.

Knowledge is

> power, right? Forewarned is forearmed. What I'm not sure of

is 1.

> whether we all

> really realize the potential of this circumstance, and 2. if we

really

> know what to do about

> it. It's hard to be proactive when you don't feel any problem,

any need.

> But I've seen it in the faces of some through the years. Maybe we

can find

> those who

> have not suffered a personal toll, and interview them.

>

> Massage, anyone?

> ;-)

> in Ma.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** See what's free at

http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Casey,

I hope things work out for the best. I know you must be scared. I'll be

thinking of you. Remember, one day at a time.

I am right there with you. I don't know why people think adulthood is

going to be easy. It sure isn't. I always thought because we worked so

hard to get Patty and appropriate education and knew all the laws and services

that it would be easy. It isn't and that is not specific to CHARGE but is

true for all who have disabilities. I have spoken to many people who are going

through the same struggles. You know CHARGE doesn't go away just because

their school career is over. I too will have to be in Patty's life intensely

till she finally gets the opportunity to be independent. She can be, she just

needs to be provided that chance.

The good news is we had another meeting on Thursday. Her counselor from the

MA Commission for the Deaf/Blind was there as was her counselor for Easter

Seals. It was great! Mr. Tan, from the MA commission could not be more

empathetic and more positive for Patty. They are working on narrowing it down

for

an " appropriate " job for her and not just " a job. " Patty will be working on

computer data input.

They are also looking for an appropriate and safe apartment. Patty's been

accepted before at a few places but they were in areas like Roxbury.

Dangerous! There might be a chance coming up soon which is close to where I

work.

I'm keeping my heart crossed on that. We were told she still has to wait

about three more years for the Arsenal apartments. , get your daughter on

that waiting list even if she isn't accepting it as a choice. Just put her on

it anyway.

He also is providing her with information on where she can meet other deaf

individuals within the Boston area.

I'm telling you this guy is great. Her past person was a fool. Mr. Tan is

actually not only doing what she should have years ago, but he's taking it a

step further. He sees potential where she saw disability. And by the way,

the deafblind world is incredibly small and is full of gossip and such. Patty

is now staying away from that. Me too. It brings her to sad places. With

that she is able to spread her wings further and is now ready to fly alone!

That's because she has people who believe in her and value her as a person.

And now for the other news. This has been killing us. We have had to learn

what's out there, who can help, who limits people, what, why, when,

were....and how. Besides that and the medical events continuing to happen it

has

taken a toll on all of us. was recently hospitalized. I almost lost him.

As he is my heart and soul I can not tell you how hard that was. He's is

absolutely fine now but I just don't ever want to take him for granted. I also

have to reduce our stressors but I don't know how. I think Mr. Tan being

involved takes some of that away.

The stressors on Kris has lessened. Kris has healed quite nicely. Her part

as a sister and daughter will remain as unique as always but she's coming

into her own and identifying herself as a individual. That's exactly what

siblings need. I am proud of her. I just can't explain what a beautiful soul

she is.

As for me, I have to have surgery for an injury on my neck. I hope to be

doing that this summer. The reason I add it is because I feel stress plays

such a negative role on our health. We are all back in counseling just to be

able to remain healthy. If we are healthy emotionally then we get healthier

physically.

And for Patty, she meets stress head on with a positive attitude. I wish I

were more like her. Her soul is strong beyond belief. She gives me

strength. She also keeps me on my toes.

So yes we are vulnerable. We always will be. It's just nice to know others

understand and can give us support and hope. Hope is what I continue to

live on.

Miracles happen along the way. We just have to remember to keep our eyes

open enough to see them.

I'm trying to open my eyes.

Bonnie, Mom to Kris 24, Patty CHARGE 22, and wife to

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

wow! hope your surgery goes well. so glad paul is ok and here's hoping thing

work out well for patty. yea! Kris!

love and hugs

and the guys

Re: Dear Fuzzy Brain (vulnerabilities)

Casey,

I hope things work out for the best. I know you must be scared. I'll be

thinking of you. Remember, one day at a time.

I am right there with you. I don't know why people think adulthood is

going to be easy. It sure isn't. I always thought because we worked so

hard to get Patty and appropriate education and knew all the laws and services

that it would be easy. It isn't and that is not specific to CHARGE but is

true for all who have disabilities. I have spoken to many people who are going

through the same struggles. You know CHARGE doesn't go away just because

their school career is over. I too will have to be in Patty's life intensely

till she finally gets the opportunity to be independent. She can be, she just

needs to be provided that chance.

The good news is we had another meeting on Thursday. Her counselor from the

MA Commission for the Deaf/Blind was there as was her counselor for Easter

Seals. It was great! Mr. Tan, from the MA commission could not be more

empathetic and more positive for Patty. They are working on narrowing it down

for

an " appropriate " job for her and not just " a job. " Patty will be working on

computer data input.

They are also looking for an appropriate and safe apartment. Patty's been

accepted before at a few places but they were in areas like Roxbury.

Dangerous! There might be a chance coming up soon which is close to where I

work.

I'm keeping my heart crossed on that. We were told she still has to wait

about three more years for the Arsenal apartments. , get your daughter on

that waiting list even if she isn't accepting it as a choice. Just put her on

it anyway.

He also is providing her with information on where she can meet other deaf

individuals within the Boston area.

I'm telling you this guy is great. Her past person was a fool. Mr. Tan is

actually not only doing what she should have years ago, but he's taking it a

step further. He sees potential where she saw disability. And by the way,

the deafblind world is incredibly small and is full of gossip and such. Patty

is now staying away from that. Me too. It brings her to sad places. With

that she is able to spread her wings further and is now ready to fly alone!

That's because she has people who believe in her and value her as a person.

And now for the other news. This has been killing us. We have had to learn

what's out there, who can help, who limits people, what, why, when,

were....and how. Besides that and the medical events continuing to happen it

has

taken a toll on all of us. was recently hospitalized. I almost lost him.

As he is my heart and soul I can not tell you how hard that was. He's is

absolutely fine now but I just don't ever want to take him for granted. I also

have to reduce our stressors but I don't know how. I think Mr. Tan being

involved takes some of that away.

The stressors on Kris has lessened. Kris has healed quite nicely. Her part

as a sister and daughter will remain as unique as always but she's coming

into her own and identifying herself as a individual. That's exactly what

siblings need. I am proud of her. I just can't explain what a beautiful soul

she is.

As for me, I have to have surgery for an injury on my neck. I hope to be

doing that this summer. The reason I add it is because I feel stress plays

such a negative role on our health. We are all back in counseling just to be

able to remain healthy. If we are healthy emotionally then we get healthier

physically.

And for Patty, she meets stress head on with a positive attitude. I wish I

were more like her. Her soul is strong beyond belief. She gives me

strength. She also keeps me on my toes.

So yes we are vulnerable. We always will be. It's just nice to know others

understand and can give us support and hope. Hope is what I continue to

live on.

Miracles happen along the way. We just have to remember to keep our eyes

open enough to see them.

I'm trying to open my eyes.

Bonnie, Mom to Kris 24, Patty CHARGE 22, and wife to

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Bonnie, I'll be thinking of you and yours also.

Casey

________________________________________________________________________________\

____Got a little couch potato?

Check out fun summer activities for kids.

http://search.yahoo.com/search?fr=oni_on_mail&p=summer+activities+for+kids&cs=bz

[Guest guest]

bonne u noo u allways make me feel that life istn just roses coz it isnt did

u c that story i showed on here bout some friends i no who were talking bout

services out here i will find ti again and email u it privatly wat the mum

says there is everything u say only they r not charge lol

>

> Thanks Bonnie, I'll be thinking of you and yours also.

>

> Casey

>

> __________________________________________________________Got a little

> couch potato?

> Check out fun summer activities for kids.

>

>

http://search.yahoo.com/search?fr=oni_on_mail&p=summer+activities+for+kids&cs=bz

>

>