Dear Fuzzy Brain (vulnerabilities)

[Guest guest]

Martha said,

>>>>it is our kids' vulnerabilities that I want to write about in coming

days. <<<

---

My deepest sympathies Martha, for what you were forced to endure. You

aren't

really fuzzy-your post was very clear. (smiles).

--

I almost wrote the other day about vulnerabilities as well, only I was

thinking about

us parents.

Since her birth, has been the principle determining factor in my life.

Just about every choice/decision I've ever made is in consideration of it's

impact on her,

and still is. Even to my own health and welfare, the motivator is .

I feel I need to be here till she is secure in her future. There is no one

else, at least

right now, that I could or would turn that responsibility over to. And I

don't have any picture

of a liberated life for myself after she is successfully independent; be

that " right or wrong " .

But what I was really thinking about was that word vulnerability, and how we

and others

in like circumstances, inherit that feeling as a result of the birth of our

child.

Surely it is not the same as losing a child. We have the luxury of becoming

massively

motivated to a cause. We have great company along the way of doctors,

nurses,

therapists, educators, etc. We are sustained by " team " .

So, we quickly move from shock into warrior mode, and throw ourselves into

the battle

to sustain life, then improve life, but do we lose some innocence-some

elemental trust

in the goodness or fairness of life, and not just because of what happened

to us as

joyful expectant parents, but also in feeling the heartache of our child's

vulnerability on a daily

basis.

So, many of us cling tightly to a faith in a Loving God, who sustains us.

But do we, can we, come far enough; are we taking care of ourselves well

enough

to eradicate the damage of deep, on going stress and emotional pain, not to

mention

the other top stressors of all-time that also often accompany the birth of a

compromised

child: financial problems, conflicts of time, energy and attention with

partners, possible

divorce, possibly having to move, living with the potential passing of a

beloved child,

living every day on the outskirts of " normal " .

I wish I could conclude with a stellar answer, but this is really a

question, especially

to the parents of older kids, and with a mind as to how we are doing.

How have we done, how did we manage with the stress-and as stress is

responsible

for some 80% of all ills, they say, what have we learned from our own

experience

that could benefit those that are younger, feeling good, but still living

through it.

Did we do enough to protect ourselves, heal, both physically and

emotionally?

Any thoughts?

;-)

in Ma.

(and no, I don't think I'm dying, any moreso than any other day, in case

this strikes

anyone as morose, lol.)

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