Janay Re: Re: Rasha's MRI results-Not good...

[Guest guest]

Yuka,

That makes perfect sense. When you really look at this particular

situation, that is exactly the case. Her hearing is no different

today than she was before Friday, or 2 weeks ago when they did the

test or August 2, 2005, when she was born. I think the rub is that

each hope is stripped in stages. I can only say that because this is

the " end of the line " for hoping for a cochlear implant solution.

Having that hope is what really helped me keep whatever sanity I

have left along the way. When she failed the newborn hearing screen,

we couldn't believe it because she always turned her head to see who

was there or see her toy on the side of the crib. Then it was

questionable responses along the way of a similar nature. In the

end, though, it is like you said. I am stripped of my hopes and

dreams. I believe I was stripped of expectations a long time ago-

thank God.

As I process this information (the understanding that it's my

personal junk and not hers), she keeps doing wonderful things to

remind us to keep moving forward. This weekend she stood barely

holding the side of her crib for nearly 3 minutes when my husband

got her to her feet. This coming from the kid who does a somersault

when she tries to sit! She makes it really hard to be sad for long!

Janay

>

> Janay-

>

> I think the sorrow and grief you felt is completely natural. It

is a Buddhist tenet that attachment is the source of suffering. I

have found this to be true for me. In similar situations of

diagnosis with I have discovered I had attachments to or

expectations of certain outcomes, especially when the outcomes did

not match my expectations. I do feel though that my grief was for

the expectation that was unmet, for the attachment to something that

never really was. I did not grieve for me or my child. For truly,

my child was the same wholeness before the diagnosis as after, as

was I, as were we.

>

> I know it is not that one cannot see the good in other outcomes.

It is that one must give oneself the care and time to grieve

specifically the outcome that was denied at that moment.

> To be cleared, the grief and suffering must be allowed to be fully

experienced (I have had many an unexpressed grief well up at a later

date).

>

> Does that make any sense?

>

> I think you are doing beautifully ~

>

> in love,

>

> Yuka

>

>

[Guest guest]

Janay,

I was happy to read this message today about how your perfect little angel

³makes it hard to be sad for long². Life is not easy for you these days and

that seemed like a lovely ray of sunshine.

pam

>

>

>

>

> Yuka,

>

> That makes perfect sense. When you really look at this particular

> situation, that is exactly the case. Her hearing is no different

> today than she was before Friday, or 2 weeks ago when they did the

> test or August 2, 2005, when she was born. I think the rub is that

> each hope is stripped in stages. I can only say that because this is

> the " end of the line " for hoping for a cochlear implant solution.

> Having that hope is what really helped me keep whatever sanity I

> have left along the way. When she failed the newborn hearing screen,

> we couldn't believe it because she always turned her head to see who

> was there or see her toy on the side of the crib. Then it was

> questionable responses along the way of a similar nature. In the

> end, though, it is like you said. I am stripped of my hopes and

> dreams. I believe I was stripped of expectations a long time ago-

> thank God.

>

> As I process this information (the understanding that it's my

> personal junk and not hers), she keeps doing wonderful things to

> remind us to keep moving forward. This weekend she stood barely

> holding the side of her crib for nearly 3 minutes when my husband

> got her to her feet. This coming from the kid who does a somersault

> when she tries to sit! She makes it really hard to be sad for long!

>

> Janay

>

>

>> >

>> > Janay-

>> >

>> > I think the sorrow and grief you felt is completely natural. It

> is a Buddhist tenet that attachment is the source of suffering. I

> have found this to be true for me. In similar situations of

> diagnosis with I have discovered I had attachments to or

> expectations of certain outcomes, especially when the outcomes did

> not match my expectations. I do feel though that my grief was for

> the expectation that was unmet, for the attachment to something that

> never really was. I did not grieve for me or my child. For truly,

> my child was the same wholeness before the diagnosis as after, as

> was I, as were we.

>> >

>> > I know it is not that one cannot see the good in other outcomes.

> It is that one must give oneself the care and time to grieve

> specifically the outcome that was denied at that moment.

>> > To be cleared, the grief and suffering must be allowed to be fully

> experienced (I have had many an unexpressed grief well up at a later

> date).

>> >

>> > Does that make any sense?

>> >

>> > I think you are doing beautifully ~

>> >

>> > in love,

>> >

>> > Yuka

>> >

>> >