Guest guest Posted April 20, 2000 Report Share Posted April 20, 2000 LOL! These are really funny June. Thanks for the laugh. Joan do NOT pay attention to #17.!!! a ----- Original Message ----- From: " JUNE " <juner24@...> " onelist " < egroups> Sent: Thursday, April 20, 2000 4:02 PM Subject: [ ] kind of cute > Doctors' notes on patients' hospital charts > (purportedly unedited) > > 1. Patient has chest pain if lying on her left side for > over a year. > > 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better, and on the 3rd > day it disappeared altogether. > > 3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began > seeing me in 1997. > > 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also > appears to be depressed. > > 5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. > > 6. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally > alert but forgetful. > > 7. The patient refused an autopsy. > > 8. The patient has no past history of suicides. > > 9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. > > 10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably > insignificant, with only a 40 pound weight gain in the > past three days. > > 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. > > 12. She is numb from her toes down. > > 13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and > sent home. > > 14. The skin was moist and dry. > > 15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches > > 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. > > 17. Rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid. > > 18. She stated that she had been constipated most of her > life, until she got a divorce. > > 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car > for physical therapy. > > 20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, > he took a job as a lawyer instead. > > 21. Skin: somewhat pale but present. > > 22. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor. > > 23. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who > felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree. > > 24. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her > husband says that last night in bed, she was very hot. > > 25. Patient has two teen-age children, but no more > abnormalities. > > > > ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ > > ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Good friends, school spirit, hair-dos you'd like to forget. > Classmates.com has them all. And with 4.4 million alumni already > registered, there's a good chance you'll find your friends here: > 1/2885/4/_/478567/_/956250314/ > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > URL to change your membership options: /group/ > RA-support website: http://www.rasupport.webprovider.com/ > Our chat room: www.delphi.com/RheumatoidArth1/start > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2000 Report Share Posted April 20, 2000 Doctors' notes on patients' hospital charts (purportedly unedited) 1. Patient has chest pain if lying on her left side for over a year. 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better, and on the 3rd day it disappeared altogether. 3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1997. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 6. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 7. The patient refused an autopsy. 8. The patient has no past history of suicides. 9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. 10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead. 21. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 22. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor. 23. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree. 24. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband says that last night in bed, she was very hot. 25. Patient has two teen-age children, but no more abnormalities. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2000 Report Share Posted April 20, 2000 Hilarious, June!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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