Re: Resected and so sad (loss, m/c ment)

[Guest guest]

Hi -

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I know what you are going through - I

had two early miscarriages and lost my daughter at 24 weeks due to a septum. I

was misdiagnosed too...actually told to try again after I lost Olivia only to

miscarry again at 8 weeks (went in for a routine visit and there was no

heartbeat - that's when the peri saw the 'abnormal uterus'). So, I know what you

are going through - the heartache, the frustration, the anger at everyone else,

the deep sorrow over the loss of a child. It sounds truly cliche, but the only

thing that lessened the loss of my daughter is time. Amazingly, each day that

goes by - the grief becomes more manageable. Time doesn't heal loss - you just

get used to the loss...it becomes part of you and the grief roller coaster

becomes less and less dramatic as time goes on. It will get better.

That said, I know it feels like eternity - especially after a loss as

devastating as ours and a DESIRE to want a child as great as ours. But, I also

believe that after an invasive procedure (even lap/hyst), your body needs time

to heal. Because we want children so badly, we think we should be ready to go

right away. It doesn't always work that way - physically, our bodies require

time. I was told to wait 1 cycle after my resection which translated to 2

months. But, for some reason, 3 months is a magic number. I would suggest you

really allow yourself the space to heal - physically and emotionally. You are

still torn up over Fletcher and rightly so, but perhaps coming to a more

emotionally stable place over that loss will allow you the space and energy to

bring new life into this world. I hope I don't sound too preachy, but I know

what you are going through. Here is my story:

After my resection, I wanted so badly to just get pregnant - I mean odds were in

my favor of a healthy pregnancy right? When I was told to wait, I felt very

discouraged - just like you...basically, I wouldn't have a baby in 2004. I was

upset, but then I took a step back (lots of yoga and meditation and acupuncture

helped me) and told myself that I needed the time emotionally and physically to

prepare for another baby. In the long run, for me, waiting the required amount

of time was the least I could do to try to have a healthy baby. Also, I needed

to be okay with a new life, not just a replacement for Olivia. I got pregnant

the 2nd time we tried and I delivered a very healthy boy March 12 - one year

after my resection and two years after my daughter died. The pregnancy was very

uneventful, but I needed a c-section because Ely was 10 lbs...so, my uterus did

work afterall. I was glad that I gave my body and mind time to heal a bit more

and prepare for Ely's birth. It was full of

emotions, but I believe that the time helped me to have a healthy pregnancy and

a very open heart for this new life.

I don't know if any of this helps you, but I wanted to share my thoughts and

story because I could relate so much to your pain. Have you seen a grief

counselor at all? It's not for everyone, but it helped me and my husband quite a

bit. Seeing the pregnant people around you - especially those who are

'complaining' about the small stuff can be really frustrating and annoying...try

to remember that people don't mean anything bad by the comments...people can be

very insensitive - they just don't 'get' this kind of grief. I would try to

surround myself with people who do or who are willing to try (e.g. support

group, this board, counselor, family - sometimes can be helpful..not always). It

is really sad to say but our society doesn't do death well, and doesn't do death

of children well at all. I felt isolated ALOT of the time.

On the plus side, you have a diagnosis...and after resections, your chances of a

normal healthy - full term - pregnancy go way up...pretty much the same as those

with 'normal' uteri. There are many women on this board with success stories

after loss and tragedy. Get your strength from these stories and be kind to

yourself...allow yourself the time to heal. I hope this helps and that you can

get some peace and strength in the coming months.

Best to you,

Grazia

SU - resected

mom to Olivia and Ely

megankwc megankwcampbell@...> wrote:

Hi Ladies,

I had my lap/hyst yesterday and they DID find a septum and removed it.

So it turns out I was misdiagnosed with the HSG and SHG (I know, big

surprise) and I'm glad that I insisted on the lap/hyst instead of an MRI.

In the meantime though, I have to say I am absolutely at the end of my

psychological rope. They discovered that I have a bicornuate fundus

that is not that deep - my uterus does truly look like a cute-shaped

heart from the outside...it doesn't dip down far. The septum was

definitely sizable, but my doctor described it as " small " . The thing

is, in the HSG and SHG, the angle of the horns was so wide that they

said it was almost impossible to imagine that it was a septum. So in

my mind, it seems like it would have been a really big septum, and I'm

confused about how big my recovery site is. I have pictures, but of

course, they don't mean a lot to me.

So as for my psychological rope...I think I'm about ready to lose it.

Both doctors who performed the procedure (OBs) say to wait three

months/cycles before trying again. I'm sorry for being so dramatic,

but this feels like a death sentence to me. After losing my son, I

feel like I am lost without the joy of a child. I had a miscarriage in

June (now attributed to the septum) and though that was heartbreaking

to lose the pregnancy and the little life inside of me, the hardest

part was how it made my grief over Fletcher so much worse. And now,

after this resection and the three month wait that they've diagnosed,

it feels just like the miscarriage, but even worse. Like this horrible

setback.

Please don't misunderstand...I am glad that they removed the septum

and I know how much this will improve my chances of a healthy

pregnancy, but it does not help me emotionally right now. I'm already

trying so hard to get through each day...It really doesn't help to

hear everybodys' Hallmark philosophies on how everything is going be

okay, because they don't know how I feel. I even snapped at a nurse

yesterday because she told me that this is " just how it's supposed to

be " . I'm sorry, but has anyone ever been helped by a statement like

that? I just can't stop crying. And my doctor was so sweet and called

and tried to encourage me by saying that I could get pregnant in

December and and have a baby in August. That's a year away. A YEAR. i

already had a baby, and I have already had to endure five months of

watching everyone else have their babies and complain about being fat

and miserable and hating breastfeeding and everything. I don't know

how I am going to do this. Especially if the septum regrows and I have

to go through all of this again after they do an HSG in December. I am

a Christian and I have faith that God is using this time for good, but

I am just so sad right now.

I'm sorry for the drama and for just complaining. I don't know what to

do with myself. Trying to distract myself with work or other things is

a fine idea but it never works. We are doing our foster care and

adoption licensing and we are really trying to be excited about that,

but there are still no guarantees that we'll get kids soon.

Thanks for listening. Does everyone agree that three months is

reasonable after a resection? I'm on an estrogen patch (and vicodin at

the moment...I am sooore) and will be for the entire three months (on

the estrogen, not the vicodin :-). There is no balloon.

I appreciate all the support. Thank you.

BU/SU resected yesterday

DS Fletcher b 3/14/05 d 3/28/05

M/C 6/28/05

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[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I tried desperately to write something positive to you. But, in the

end I realized that I just wanted you to know that I am grieving as

well and I understand your words. After loosing a child the grief

is so profound. I can feel your sadness and I relive my own loss

when as I read your post. I lost Lucas at 32 weeks almost four

months ago on 05.05.05. I never really knew sadness until I

experienced this.

I was resected just eight days ago. My SU dx was explanation #4 for

Lucas' demise. From the pregnancy US I can now tell that he was

in

fact attached to the septum. I have my post op with the RE next

week and I have a vague idea about what he will say regarding ttc.

Distractions and " work " have yet to " help " me either.

But, this MA

board has been pivotal in helping me understand the process of

waiting. There seems to be so many of us with loss, recently

resected and waiting for our bodies to regain cyclic normalcy. I do

hope that you have a good day tomorrow.

Billie

ds lucas (sb 05.05.05)

mthfr homozygous

waiting too