Resected and so sad (loss, m/c ment)

[Guest guest]

Hi Ladies,

I had my lap/hyst yesterday and they DID find a septum and removed it.

So it turns out I was misdiagnosed with the HSG and SHG (I know, big

surprise) and I'm glad that I insisted on the lap/hyst instead of an MRI.

In the meantime though, I have to say I am absolutely at the end of my

psychological rope. They discovered that I have a bicornuate fundus

that is not that deep - my uterus does truly look like a cute-shaped

heart from the outside...it doesn't dip down far. The septum was

definitely sizable, but my doctor described it as " small " . The thing

is, in the HSG and SHG, the angle of the horns was so wide that they

said it was almost impossible to imagine that it was a septum. So in

my mind, it seems like it would have been a really big septum, and I'm

confused about how big my recovery site is. I have pictures, but of

course, they don't mean a lot to me.

So as for my psychological rope...I think I'm about ready to lose it.

Both doctors who performed the procedure (OBs) say to wait three

months/cycles before trying again. I'm sorry for being so dramatic,

but this feels like a death sentence to me. After losing my son, I

feel like I am lost without the joy of a child. I had a miscarriage in

June (now attributed to the septum) and though that was heartbreaking

to lose the pregnancy and the little life inside of me, the hardest

part was how it made my grief over Fletcher so much worse. And now,

after this resection and the three month wait that they've diagnosed,

it feels just like the miscarriage, but even worse. Like this horrible

setback.

Please don't misunderstand...I am glad that they removed the septum

and I know how much this will improve my chances of a healthy

pregnancy, but it does not help me emotionally right now. I'm already

trying so hard to get through each day...It really doesn't help to

hear everybodys' Hallmark philosophies on how everything is going be

okay, because they don't know how I feel. I even snapped at a nurse

yesterday because she told me that this is " just how it's supposed to

be " . I'm sorry, but has anyone ever been helped by a statement like

that? I just can't stop crying. And my doctor was so sweet and called

and tried to encourage me by saying that I could get pregnant in

December and and have a baby in August. That's a year away. A YEAR. i

already had a baby, and I have already had to endure five months of

watching everyone else have their babies and complain about being fat

and miserable and hating breastfeeding and everything. I don't know

how I am going to do this. Especially if the septum regrows and I have

to go through all of this again after they do an HSG in December. I am

a Christian and I have faith that God is using this time for good, but

I am just so sad right now.

I'm sorry for the drama and for just complaining. I don't know what to

do with myself. Trying to distract myself with work or other things is

a fine idea but it never works. We are doing our foster care and

adoption licensing and we are really trying to be excited about that,

but there are still no guarantees that we'll get kids soon.

Thanks for listening. Does everyone agree that three months is

reasonable after a resection? I'm on an estrogen patch (and vicodin at

the moment...I am sooore) and will be for the entire three months (on

the estrogen, not the vicodin :-). There is no balloon.

I appreciate all the support. Thank you.

BU/SU resected yesterday

DS Fletcher b 3/14/05 d 3/28/05

M/C 6/28/05