Re: -Resected and so sad (loss, m/c ment)

[Guest guest]

PS. That Vicodan is sure to be making you feel much

worse emotinoally as well. That stuff is toxic. get

off it as soon as you can b/c it has severe

depressogenic effects in some people

--- megankwc megankwcampbell@...> wrote:

> Hi Ladies,

>

> I had my lap/hyst yesterday and they DID find a

> septum and removed it.

> So it turns out I was misdiagnosed with the HSG and

> SHG (I know, big

> surprise) and I'm glad that I insisted on the

> lap/hyst instead of an MRI.

>

> In the meantime though, I have to say I am

> absolutely at the end of my

> psychological rope. They discovered that I have a

> bicornuate fundus

> that is not that deep - my uterus does truly look

> like a cute-shaped

> heart from the outside...it doesn't dip down far.

> The septum was

> definitely sizable, but my doctor described it as

> " small " . The thing

> is, in the HSG and SHG, the angle of the horns was

> so wide that they

> said it was almost impossible to imagine that it was

> a septum. So in

> my mind, it seems like it would have been a really

> big septum, and I'm

> confused about how big my recovery site is. I have

> pictures, but of

> course, they don't mean a lot to me.

>

> So as for my psychological rope...I think I'm about

> ready to lose it.

> Both doctors who performed the procedure (OBs) say

> to wait three

> months/cycles before trying again. I'm sorry for

> being so dramatic,

> but this feels like a death sentence to me. After

> losing my son, I

> feel like I am lost without the joy of a child. I

> had a miscarriage in

> June (now attributed to the septum) and though that

> was heartbreaking

> to lose the pregnancy and the little life inside of

> me, the hardest

> part was how it made my grief over Fletcher so much

> worse. And now,

> after this resection and the three month wait that

> they've diagnosed,

> it feels just like the miscarriage, but even worse.

> Like this horrible

> setback.

>

> Please don't misunderstand...I am glad that they

> removed the septum

> and I know how much this will improve my chances of

> a healthy

> pregnancy, but it does not help me emotionally right

> now. I'm already

> trying so hard to get through each day...It really

> doesn't help to

> hear everybodys' Hallmark philosophies on how

> everything is going be

> okay, because they don't know how I feel. I even

> snapped at a nurse

> yesterday because she told me that this is " just how

> it's supposed to

> be " . I'm sorry, but has anyone ever been helped by a

> statement like

> that? I just can't stop crying. And my doctor was so

> sweet and called

> and tried to encourage me by saying that I could get

> pregnant in

> December and and have a baby in August. That's a

> year away. A YEAR. i

> already had a baby, and I have already had to endure

> five months of

> watching everyone else have their babies and

> complain about being fat

> and miserable and hating breastfeeding and

> everything. I don't know

> how I am going to do this. Especially if the septum

> regrows and I have

> to go through all of this again after they do an HSG

> in December. I am

> a Christian and I have faith that God is using this

> time for good, but

> I am just so sad right now.

>

> I'm sorry for the drama and for just complaining. I

> don't know what to

> do with myself. Trying to distract myself with work

> or other things is

> a fine idea but it never works. We are doing our

> foster care and

> adoption licensing and we are really trying to be

> excited about that,

> but there are still no guarantees that we'll get

> kids soon.

>

> Thanks for listening. Does everyone agree that three

> months is

> reasonable after a resection? I'm on an estrogen

> patch (and vicodin at

> the moment...I am sooore) and will be for the entire

> three months (on

> the estrogen, not the vicodin :-). There is no

> balloon.

>

> I appreciate all the support. Thank you.

>

> BU/SU resected yesterday

> DS Fletcher b 3/14/05 d 3/28/05

> M/C 6/28/05

>

>

>

>