Excessive eating or binging? What to say when alarmed?

[Guest guest]

Salud!!

Martha in NY

http://community.webshots.com/user/marthabilski

[Guest guest]

You know, I think the reason I confess when I overeat, or have a difficult time,

sometimes,

is that I want (admit it or not) feedback from others so I can get a " reality

check. " Maybe

not everyone feels this way, but I do like getting various opinions.

On a board, here, though, when we do that, we do put ourselves at the " mercy " of

people

who might not understand how to phrase their " alarm signals " in diplomatic

terms. Or,

maybe they don't understand our feelings, since, after all, it's easy to

camouflage them

behind words on cyberpaper.

If someone truly is alarmed by behavior they think needs some kind of insight or

help, I

think it's probably okay to say so as long as it's done with some degree of

kindness and

concern. Ala: " Have you ever looked at what might be the cause of this? " Or,

" have you

ever considered talking to someone about the reasons you tend to binge from time

to

time. " Or, " My aunt binged like that ever so often, and she went to an eating

disorders

psychologist, and was able to work it through to the point where she doesn't do

that

nearly as often anymore. "

Also, on the other side of the hill, I don't think there is any disgrace in

admitting we are

having difficulty with a tempting food, or admitting a " binge. " No one is

perfect....Not one

of us. And all of us have some aberration in our personality spectrum, whether

it pertains

to food, or workaholicism, or being Type A, or being prone to slothfulness, or

self image,

or being somewhat " the victim, " or being somewhat " the abuser. " There are

degrees of

everything.

I doubt that, on a board, someone who offers an opinion that someone might " need

help "

would necessarily think (s)he was doing this with a malicious intent, but

rather, with the

idea of pointing out that (s)he doesn't thinl this sort of thing is really

" within the normal

range, " and that if it happens with any degree of regularity, then possibly some

help might

be worth seeking. After all, it IS more caring to pay attention and suggest

help than to

just " let it go. "

Some of us ARE sensitive, though, and easily embarrassed. This is all sort of

" out in

public, " here. So, maybe it's a good idea, to, yes, make a suggestion, speak

our minds,

but do so with a spirit of kindness and gentleness....

That's all.

It's so easy to get brittle and indignant at the thought that someone might, in

a rather

" cavalier " manner, outrageously, almost, confess to eating an amazingly

enormous

proprotion of fat and sugar.

The flip side is, here is a person " putting it out there. " And that isn't easy.

And it IS ever

so much easier to do it with a spirit of " bravado, " than just saying, " Ohmagosh.

Look what

I did. "

Not that I'm anyone to be telling anyone anything. I'm certainly not. But I am

watching all

this and listening and imagining how, I think, we all have good intentions, need

help, want

help, and want to help, and at the same time people on each side tend to be

getting their

feelings hurt, and only for doing what they think is right.

'Tis a complex subject.... and I don't think anyone's wrong, or anyone's right.

But maybe

some of us could consider being a little more sensitive, and others might

consider not

being quite so sensitive. And a little more humor might oil the gears a bit,

and a little

more good humor might settle things down a bit.

And now??? Where's the Stoli??? (I like mine with a twist of lemon.)