Re: Day 2/ann

[Guest guest]

Nuts, seeds, fat free yogurt, lowfat milk and lowfat cheese are all

comfort foods to me now. So is the sugarfree creamy jello square

recipe. (Before, it used to be potato chips.) It is only two weeks.

You will live through it.

Why don't you make yourself a broccoli quiche or a spinach pie or

quiche cups to go? And then you can just have 1/4 quiche or two

quiche cups when you get hungry. Or hard boil a dozen eggs and devil

a few for snacks. Then grab them when hungry. Buy some lowfat cheese

slices, lowfat lunchmeat slices and string cheese, too.

In two weeks, you can have SBD cookies, fat free/sugar free ice

cream, sugar free pudding, muffins, bread, etc. I eat all of that. I

don't exercise either. I can't due to being disabled. You will

survive this two weeks!

ann

>

> Although I probably overthink some things -- as I've already

confessed in previous emails

> -- not being able to reach out and eat something when I want it is

one of the things that

> makes this process difficult.

> And that does not involve thinking. To prevent such a feeling

of emptiness, some

> planning is required of me. Making foods ahead of time, for

example, since I'm not likely

> to just go chow down a head of bok choy or raw zucchinis. And it IS

possible to chow

> down a La Tortilla Factory whole wheat tortilla with lettuce,

cucumber, a form of fake

> mayo, and some fake crab, or some melted ff cheese. Oh, poor

overindulged me, right?

> I am not sure I know the difference between " satisfied "

and " full. " I don't feel " satisfied " if

> I'm not full. Usually. I just feel an absence of " hunger. " And I

rarely let myself FEEL

> hunger. Which is why I think I " m fat. Hunger is not bad. It's

just a body telling a brain:

> " Time to eat. " Maybe if I let myself FEEL hunger, then I'd feel

satisfied simply by not being

> hungry.

> Just a different way of being. Postponing that " gratification. "

Perpetuating the

> " clamboring for more. "

>

> Yeah -- it's a bitch to have a brain that won't turn off. A bit

of a curse.

>

> But it't the brain I was born with and I can't jettison it and

get another one just yet.

> So, I have to learn to deal with it and feed it morsels of

information when it gets

> demanding.

> (Not that it's put to sufficient good use any more in terms of

socially valuable

> contributions and achievements.) But when it isn't busy, it gets

bad. . . . and punishing.

> So maybe I let it obsess a bit over " eating healthy " topics rather

than allowing it to indulge

> in various vices, some of which might be self destructive.

> Also -- I think it just SOUNDS like I'm overanalyzing.

> Truth is, I just wanna grab some carbs and they're not there, and

I want that instant

> fillerup gratification, that instant " sugar rush " and I'm kinda mad

inside that it isn't there.

> Carbs are a comfort! Veggies aren't. Not yet, anyway. I might be

old, but not too old to

> have gotten used to Mcmania. Conspicuous consumption

(conspicuous meaning

> when burger fat becomes belly fat.)

> Maybe in two weeks I will be transformed and cauliflower will

have replaced mashed

> potatoes and bok choy will be fine with wild or brown rice. Or

glass noodles (if they're

> low enough on the glycemic index. . . .I can't remember at the

moment.)

> I sure hope so!! it would be so great if we could transform our

concept of " comfort "

> foods. What my good ole grandma used to say, " sticks to the ribs! "

> As for water -- these days I've been running low, I confess.

It's difficult for me to walk

> and chew gum at the same time, as they say. Usually i can be good

about what I'm eating,

> and good about exercising OR good at exercising and good at water,

and only okay at

> watching the food, or, good at water and food, but not exercise. I

seem to only be able to

> do two of the three components of this at once, but not all three.

Right now, I'm working

> on the RIGHT food and I'm not even exercising because adjusting to

this list of good foods

> isn't easy for me. I do so miss the carbs. It isn't that I'm dead

without carbs, but I miss

> them, emotionally, so very much.

> I dunno.

> Go figure.

> Your comments make me think though.

> (Ooops.... Sorry. I guess that's bad. Heh, heh.)

> (Aside: I once had a boyfriend who quite successfully seduced me

by telling me, " Don't

> think! " I managed not to!! So I know that I'm capable of

temporarily paralyzing my brain.)

> Maybe I should re-paralyze that little section of the brain right

there . . . and discover a

> new eating lifestyle, and a new slogan! " Don't think, just eat.! "

> Heh.

> Well -- it might work for me, but I'm afraid not everyone.

Luckily not everyone has this

> particular brand of neurosis!!!

> And now I will go find some recipes and cook some veggies --

adieu, adieu (eyes cast

> into the distant fog, arms flailing high to the left with the east

wind, as I am sacheting into

> the kitchen....)

> Annie D.