Re: Eating Disorders

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your kind words, Chris. I appreciate you sharing your

story with food too. I think many people can identify with us.

Seeing a tv commercial and identifying with it's message is what

convinced me I really had a problem with food.

What I learned in therapy is that I DON'T have a problem with food,

but I have a problem dealing with every day feelings and events. I

used food as a crutch to get me through difficult and emotional

times. If I were al alcoholic, I'd be a drunk. Instead, I gained

weight with my brownies.

I also learned that I overeat to fill what I call " my black hole " .

It's a deep pain in my emotional gut and when I'm hurting, I want to

fill it up with whatever it is that makes me feel good. The " black

hole " represents the feelings I'm having that I don't want to deal

with. So, I over ate to avoid those painful feelings. That is why

therapy was (and is) so important to me. My " black hole " isn't as

deep any more and my depression and anger towards people in my past

is gone. I don't blame anyone for my disorder. I chose to overeat

and sweets were my 'drug of choice'.

You mentioned " self control " and I know it has nothing to do with

self control! In fact, you're probably very disciplined in many

areas of your life. We compulsively overeat (drink, gamble, etc)

when we're feeling OUT OF CONTROL in our lives.

I'm glad to hear you're so comfortable following the SBD. It's been

wonderful for me too. Good luck to you.

Donna

> I have an eating disorder and I'll have one for the rest of my

life. Try being insulin dependent AND binge on sweets!! LOL It

ain't pretty!

>

> Sixteen years ago I admitted myself into a hospital that had an

eating disorder program. The only diagnosis that was available at

the time was Binge/Purge or Anorexia. My problem was (and still is)

compulsive eating. I ate when I was happy, sad, depressed, for

celebrations, holidays or because it was Tuesday. I felt I had

absolutely NO control over the compulsive eating. When it came to

the point that I would hide food, I knew I had a problem. I'd make a

pan of brownies (my favorite binge food) and DH and I would enjoy a

few pieces after dinner. The next day I would devour what was left.

I felt so very ashamed!! I didn't want to be embarrassed when DH

came home from work and found the brownie pan empty, so I made more!

How brilliant I was!

>

> What I learned while in treatment is that any kind of compulsive

disorder that we use to hide our feelings is unhealthy.

>

> Over eating is just like compulsive gambling, or alcoholism, or

using illegal drugs, or compulsive shopping, compulsive sex, or

purging or not eating at all. They're all the same disease. It's a

disease that will never go away. I went to 12 step meetings that

were incredibly helpful AND I continued therapy to understand WHY I

was compulsive.

>

> Since treatment, I still get counseling as needed. Now that I

understand why I did the things that I did, I have a much better

understanding of myself and I even like myself more!

>

> We all have our reasons for being overweight. We just need to

remember that when someone has opened their heart about something

that has left them vulnerable, we need to respond with kindness and

compassion. After all we've all felt out of control at one time or

another in our lives. Maybe we weren't bold enough to share it with

2200 strangers. I applaud everyone who shares their thoughts and

feelings with the group.

>

> Hugs to everyone,

> Donna

> List Moderator

>

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