Joke - Things the Movies Taught Us

[Guest guest]

THINGS THE MOVIES TAUGHT US

1. If staying in a haunted house, women should

investigate any strange noises wearing their

most revealing underwear.

2. If being chased through town, you can usually

take cover in a passing St 's Day parade

- at any time of the year.

3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that

reach up to armpit level on a woman but only

waist level on the man lying beside her.

4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one

stick of French bread.

5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing

there is someone in the control tower to talk

you down.

6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -

even while scuba diving.

7. The ventilation system of any building is a

perfect hiding place. No one will ever think

of looking for you in there and you can travel

to any part of the building without difficulty

8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war

unless you make the mistake of showing someone

a picture of your sweetheart back home.

9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a

German officer, it will not be necessary to

speak the language. A German accent will do.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window

of any building in Paris.

11. People on TV never finish their drinks.

12. A man will show no pain while taking the most

ferocious beating but will wince when a woman

tries to clean his wounds.

13. The chief of police always shouts.

14. When paying for a taxi, never look at your

wallet as you take out a note - just grab one

at random and hand it over. It will always be

the exact fare.

15. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump

of your arm to grow by 15cm.

16. Kitchens don't have light switches. When

entering a kitchen at night, you should open

the fridge door and use that light instead.

17. During all police investigations, it will be

necessary to visit a strip club at least

once.

18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and

waffles for their family every morning, even

though the husband and children never have

time to eat them.

19. Cars and trucks that crash will almost

always burst into flames.

20. Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist

can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

21. A single match will be sufficient to light

up a room the size of a football stadium.

22. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's

easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath

- even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

23. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

24. Although in the 20th century it is possible

to fire weapons at an object out of visual

range, people of the 23rd century will have

lost this technology.

25. All single women have a cat.

,

Natty's Mommy

lanat@...

Http://www.javanet.com/~lanat

Why is it that when you talk to the Almighty you're praying, but when He

talks to you, you're crazy?