My mother-in-law is gone

[Guest guest]

Thanks for everyone's inquiries. I got back from Florida last night and

needed a day before I could sit and write this. My mother in law died

Wednesday night about 8:30 p.m. It was very peaceful and it is comforting to

know that she is out of her hell, yet very painful to lose her.

It was a calm end to a rough 3 months. My father in law and I were holding

her hands and talking of the time when my husband was little when her

breathing changed. Her breaths became longer apart for about a minute. We

told her that it was ok to go, that he was going to be all right and that I

would look after him and everyone. She suddenly gripped our hands

tightly--it wasn't a seizure, because it was only her hands that moved. She

took about 3 more breaths and was gone. She had had no ability to use her

hands for weeks and yet she gripped ours tightly for just a moment. It was

really something. It was so peaceful after such a rough few months that we

just couldn't believe it. My father in law said it was a death just like in

the old classic movies.

We know that she heard us during the preceeding days, but could not respond.

It was very evident that as we talked to her, especially about her sons and my

sons, her grandchildren, that her breathing speeded up dramatically. I could

then tell her to relax and stroke her hand and her breathing would return to a

more calmer pace. Please, everyone, make sure that all know that our loved

ones can probably hear at the end even though they cannot respond in any way.

For the feeding tube discussion, we chose not to prolong her agony with a

feeding tube. Both the nasal tube and the gastric tube cause other problems,

and would only serve to extend a life that was, for all intents and purposes,

gone. Hospice had been involved since early October and they explained all

the options to my father in law and he chose, with our agreement, no feeding

tubes. My mother in law had hardly been eating for the last month other than

a few spoonfuls of Ensure daily. As of Friday, she refused to take anything

at all. At her death she probably weighed 80-85 lbs. She had been unable to

swallow really since Thursday when the Ensure just dribbled out.

She had been sleeping most of the time for the last few weeks. The last few

days the only time she responded was when the nurses would turn her over. She

would wrinkle her eyebrows as if it pain, occasionally groan, and usually

opened her eyes for a few minutes. They were vacant and unseeing as far as we

could tell. The change in breathing was really the only response we got from

her and we watched for it carefully.

It was heartbreaking to see this talented, bright woman reduced to a vegetable

in 3 months, yet maybe its better than those who were aimlessly wandering the

halls of the Alzheimer's unit for years. She never would have wanted that.

Also, she was not in pain as she might have been had she had cancer or some

other disease. As horrible as this was, there are other worse alternatives I

believe.

Once again, I would like to thank everyone for their support, caring and

information. Without you we would have known virtually nothing. I feel bad

that there will be no autopsy, but several months ago she told my father in

law " no more x-rays " and he takes it to mean no more tests and feels that an

autopsy would violate her wishes. I disagree and feel that we could help

others, but obviously have to respect his wishes.

I want to say something about the nursing home she was in on Merritt Island,

Florida. While I am upset with her doctors, who did nothing for her past the

horrendous diagnosis, the nursing care she received at the National Health

Care Center was superb. We could not have asked for a more caring, dedicated,

loving staff to the end. They cried with us and took the greatest care of her

immediately after her death as they had before it. I can't recommend it more

highly for anyone in the central Florida area. As my father in law said, they

became family to us and were with us every step of the way.

I am on overload right now and will probably be taking a break from the

" Voice " for a little while. I am planning her memorial service here on Dec. 3

(I think), have Thanksgiving to cope with (my brother and his family are

coming with plane tickets bought months ago, plus friends for a total of 16)

as planned a long time ago. Emotionally and physically I am drained. I have

sat with a dying friend before, but never helped a loved one die and am just

running on empty at the moment. I will be back, will check the e-mail, but

don't have the energy to contribute for a while. Its just too painful. Maybe

by mid-December, I'll be back in the swing of things.

Thank you again from all the Soukups. CJD information was passed around the

nursing home and we have all educated many people. Everyone here helped my

mother in law die with dignity and amongst knowledgeable, caring people.

Thank you.

Vicki

[Guest guest]

Dear Vicki,

It seems so strange to sit here in my home without my Saul and read your sad

news. The world here is rushing around, getting ready for Thanksgiving, and

the coming holidays. A birthday party is to be held for my four-year-old

grandaughter today and I sit here with tears to know another has died and

another family grives today with another death from this monster, cjd.

I know all of us are with you and your family.

Sincerely,

Gloria

[Guest guest]

Dear Vicki,

It seems so strange to sit here in my home without my Saul and read your sad

news. The world here is rushing around, getting ready for Thanksgiving, and

the coming holidays. A birthday party is to be held for my four-year-old

grandaughter today and I sit here with tears to know another has died and

another family grives today with another death from this monster, cjd.

I know all of us are with you and your family.

Sincerely,

Gloria

[Guest guest]

Dear Vicki,

It seems so strange to sit here in my home without my Saul and read your sad

news. The world here is rushing around, getting ready for Thanksgiving, and

the coming holidays. A birthday party is to be held for my four-year-old

grandaughter today and I sit here with tears to know another has died and

another family grives today with another death from this monster, cjd.

I know all of us are with you and your family.

Sincerely,

Gloria

[Guest guest]

Vicki -

It is good to hear from you again, eventhough it is under these

circumstances. I, we, all know the horrors you and your family have

experienced in the last few months. I'm glad that you were able to be with

her at the end.

I, too, felt that ours was a peaceful end to the suffering and pain. We

had told Dad that it was OK to go and in about 10 minutes, he was indeed

gone. We still miss him so, but would not have wished another minute of

suffering upon him. It's been five months, but it still seems like

yesterday. I saw the geese fly over last night and remembered how he

always paused and looked up in wonder. He's still here in so many ways.

Shar