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Eve's strange day

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Well, it started off badly, at least in my mind. But when I downloaded mail

briefly this afternoon and again this evening, I was totally flabbergasted.

I always knew you guys were a totally caring and loving group, but I can't

believe the love, warmth and kindness your emails conveyed. I can't believe

how many people wrote, with stories of their own to share, or simply love &

support to share.

I really can't possibly manage answering each and every one of you - I'd go

way over my computer time limit! Not sure what that exactly is, but I've

pared it down to about a couple of hours yesterday and today. Give or take.

But I wanted to say thank you for being so completely understanding and so

unbelievably compassionate. I can't begin to describe how much it meant to

me. I have never felt so utterly sad and hopeless in my life, and while

part of my problem is having lost faith in people, I'm finding that my email

friends are slowly renewing at least some of that. If only the people

around us in our own lives in our own towns took even a quarter of the time

and effort people on email support lists do to be compassionate, I think the

level of mental health in our countries would improve significantly.

There's so much I want to say, and I don't know where to start. Today was a

very difficult day, and I'm feeling dreadfully fragile. I saw my

psychiatrist today, and he's upped my Manerix dose (the anti depressant) to

600 mg. a day, the maximum dosage. I think he's a kind, understanding man

who wants to help, but I think it's me who's frustrated he just can't " fix

me " NOW. I left his office feeling pretty bummed out and alone.

One thing we discussed that I did want to share with you because I think

he's got it all wrong is the issue of RLS. We were talking about different

anti depressants, because he again mentioned that he may add Wellbutrin to

the cocktail if we reach the end of 8 weeks on Manerix without significant

relief. Or maybe instead of Manerix? I'm not sure now that I think about

it.

But on the topic of RLS, he's not sure about whether the Neurontin could be

contributing to my depression. He plans to do some research on it. As to

the CAUSE of the RLS, he stated pretty clearly that he thinks it may have

been caused by my depression. I immediately answered that I understood it

was a neurological problem. He countered by saying that effectively, so is

depression. And serious depression can cause all host of problems. Well,

I'm a little out of my element arguing such matters with a psychiatrist.

But it sounded like he was interested in taking me off Neurontin and seeing

what happened!!!!!! Hello - these are MY legs and MY miseries, and don't

you think I have enough misery already? I guess maybe he'd wait until some

antidepressant was working, but I'm rather not keen on this idea at all.

Mind you, if he's right, it'd be nice to take fewer drugs, but holy crow! I

feel like everything is raging out of my control even worse now.

I wouldn't know where or how to look into these issues myself, and honestly,

I don't have the energy too. I'm hoping he'll just leave it alone for a

while.

Anyway, thank you all again. I've certainly never left you - I still read

all the posts - but I just didn't have too much to say for a long while.

Now you know why. And now I'm not embarrassed anymore.

I'd like to give you each a great big HUG!

Love,

eve

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What!!!......If the root cause of RLS is depression it would seem that the

overwhelming number of folks with RLS are also suffering with

depression....or am I missing something somewhere. Anyhow I don't have

depression. Oh maybe occasionally I get depressed but I'm not clinically

depressed and you can bet your bippee I DO have RLS.

Is the root of depression really neurological? What about psychological?

This is a very deep subject and at this moment I'm not capable or wise

enough to really delve into it.

It's still early in the day and the sun is briefly shining, Mr. Biggles

hasn't had a slip in several days, today I get to go to the lovely, clean

college pool in Castleton for the senior workout (after which I'll want to

take a NAP) and God is smiling on me so I'll be on my way.

CHEERS!!!

Jeanne and Mr. Biggles in Poultney, VT

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---Jeanne Robbins jrobbins@...> wrote:

>

>

>

> What!!!......If the root cause of RLS is depression it would seem

that the

> overwhelming number of folks with RLS are also suffering with

> depression....or am I missing something somewhere.

I think we are getting confused in a " chicken and egg " kind of thing

here. I think most of us have been saying that we have the symptoms

of depression and are often diagnosed and treated as being depressed

when our underlying problem is RLS-induced sleep deprivation. The

docs then give us anti-depressants that exacerbate our RLS and make

things worse. I don't think there has been any evidence to support

the idea that depression causes RLS--it's the other way around.

--, 52,western NY state

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