Re: CMT and dating

[Guest guest]

Kathleen, Lamar here,

Congratulations. While I have known many males that dated and married females

with physical limitations; I have yet to see one case personally where a female

would date a handicapped male (if you leave out some totally undesirable

individuals and users and takers.)

I have been divorced eight and one half years, and have been turned down MANY

times. here's my luck.

1. One I met and asked out and went on one date. The next morning she calls

begging to borrow 5000.00 to keep them from repossessing her household

furnishings and offered to spend the weekend with me if I would lend it to her.

2. One I dated a few times, who had fibromyalgia, and lupus and I found out was

severely addicted to narcotics.

3. A nice professional I met and dated and planned to marry. Very friendly

till I came home from a clinic appointment to find her and her things, as well

as some of mine gone. I had helped her fixing her place up for us to the tune

of 20,000. Later I found that several others had experienced the same over a 20

year period and she had cases against her in 5 states.

4. The blind date someone set me up with a girl in a brace, that " has a lot in

common with you " . I meet her. She had brain injury from a wreck, and was

paralyzed on one side, would not leave her house--severe brain damage-- only

able to utter a few words. She also was an uncontrolled diabetic and had severe

seizures. I did visit her a few times, but doubt she even realized it. She

died a few weeks later. So much for well meaning people that think everyone

with an AFO have a lot in common.

Then I take other's advice and look in different places. I go to church. I

try several in the area. I find the only single female I encounter within 20

years of my age has severe Down's Syndrome. Did meet one married lady that told

me her husband was gone for a week and invited me to stay with her a few days.

I have met a few of the opposite sex that have become friends. Most of them

are happily married and I visit the family and not the person. At least in my

area of the US, females will accept someone as a friend they would never

consider dating even if they were unattached.

You sound like you have a potential keeper. When you weed out the superficial

women, and the ones like I described, there isn't a lot left. I have met

someone via the net that sounds promising and plan to meet her soon. I have

about ruled out the possibility of having more than friends. While I consider

my AFO and cane or walker to be a friend, I know beyond a doubt that my social

life decreased markedly as my symptoms became obvious. No's for requests for

dates increased , and even invitations to activities with friends decreased.

Good luck with yours.

CMT and dating

Hello to all of you,

After breaking up after a four year relationship about eight months ago, I

decided that I wanted to try dating again. My ex-boyfriend had some qualms

concerning my disability, and I decided he wasn't right for me. I had enough

concerns myself about the CMT, being that it had progressed pretty rapidly in

the last couple of years, and I now use a wheelchair. Well, I recently went

on a first date and I had to tell you what he said to me during dinner. I

never heard someone say this to me before, and I thought it might help some

of you who feel that the wheelchair will make a social life pretty diificult.

What he said was this: " The wheelchair doesn't bother me, because you don't

let it bother you. " I realized that though it is a bit more difficult, the

way I feel about all my " hardware " as I call it, (my walker and AFOs

included), gives me an advantage when it comes to dating. I can easily weed

out all the superficial men, and in the end, find someone who is truly

" real " . By the way, it looks like we are dating now. I just wanted to share

a good experience with all of you CMTers out there!

Bye now,

Kathleen in Brooklyn

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[Guest guest]

<< What he said was this: " The wheelchair doesn't bother me, because you

don't let it bother you. " >>

That is a great compliment to you!

Attitude truly does make a difference. I find being around " woe is me " type

people to be very wearing (whether or not the other person has CMT). People

do have their ups and downs, but we all can work on improving our attitudes.

I am working on mine all the time. Debilitating pain or weakness makes it

challenging for many CMTers, but even that can be helped if we try. I can't

keep very busy physically, so I do it mentally. The mind can tune out the

pain if it is concentrating on an activity, such as looking up the answers to

questions on the internet. I can't run in order to help someone, but I can

use my computer skills.

As I say, I'm always working on my attitude.

Kat

[Guest guest]

<< I have yet to see one case personally where a female would date a

handicapped male >>

I have a friend who married a man who had been severely injured in an auto

accident. He was a maze of braces, head to toe, but she loved him and they

were happily married until he passed away two decades or so later.

After being a widow for a few years she met a man with a congental arm

defect. He had never even dated before (both were in their late 50s). She

taught him how to be caring, and they have been married for several years.

My friend has cerebral palsy, and she is a college graduate, drives a car,

and is very independent. She knows how to bring out the best in a man, any

man.

My point being, I DO know a woman who can see beyond the physical problems of

a man.

I know of more women who were abandoned by their husbands when their CMT

became evident than I know of husbands who have been abandoned by their

wives, but I know it can go both ways. Women are more apt to be nurturers and

care-givers than men (yes, I KNOW there are exceptions). I suppose the most

caring women are already married.

I belong to non-CMT internet groups, too. There has been discussion by some

of the women that after they have become single, for whatever reason, they

really don't want to marry again. They enjoy their independence after being

tied down for years. They have found that most mature men are looking for a

cook, housekeeper, seamstress, driver, laundress, and so forth, not a

companion for sharing the pleasures of life equally. The women are tired of

doing those chores for others and prefer more casual friendships.

Just another point of view.

I hope you will find a suitable companion some day, Lamar. You would no doubt

be a caring, interesting husband.

Kat

[Guest guest]

,

Read this PLEASE! Love Mom

[Guest guest]

Hi All,,

OOPS, think I sent a message to my daughter to the group. SORRY. I am always

trying to get her to read the insipirational messages that I see posted. I

loved the one about dating and the nice reply about the wheelchair not

bothering him because it didn't bother her.

Thanks, I needed that!

a

[Guest guest]

Hi ALL,

Just a quick response. There are women who are not superficial in this world.

I am married to a wonderul man with Tourette's syndrome. This is a difficult

situation but he is the most wonderful man I have ever met. My daughter has

CMT and we would not trade her for all the tea in China. Our prayer for her

is that she will meet a man some day that loves her for her, not what her

legs cannot do. And, we also pray for other things for her to, education,

etc.

My daughter's OT met a man whom at 17, dove into a lake (drunk I might add)

and broke his neck. He is a quadrapelegic. They will have no children unless

they adopt, (the implications are obvious) and she does mostly everything

around the house. She is a beautiful woman and I am happy to tell you that

they have been married for 8 years and run a TCBY yogurt shop besides keeping

her OT job.

There are exceptions of course, but there are good people out there. Everyone

wants to be loved WARTS AND ALL!

a

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/9/2000 10:40:01 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

UniqueCMT@... writes:

<< By the way, it looks like we are dating now. I just wanted to share

a good experience with all of you CMTers out there!

Bye now,

Kathleen in Brooklyn >>

Kathleen this is seems like a great guy! My husband is so sweet to me. He has

never let my CMT bother him. He says " your fine there is nothing WRONG with

you. " That makes me feel fine if you know what I mean.

jnny

[Guest guest]

Hi Lamar,

I just wanted to say that I really understand what you are going through...

as my CMT progressed I saw that many men were intimidated by my disability.

There are women as well as men who are superficial, but I truly hope you find

that special one. I know it sounds cliche', but I do believe there is

someone out there for you. I wish you all the best of luck in finding her.

Kathleen in Brooklyn

[Guest guest]

Hi Kat,

I also tried very hard working on my attitude, especially when the CMT

progressed. My friends have noticed that I accept things more easily now,

and I don't let anyone bring me down anymore. I feel it has really helped

me, and by the way, one of my friends said that I think too much of myself

now...LOL.

Kathleen in Brooklyn

[Guest guest]

Hi a,

I was so happy that you liked what I wrote about the wheelchair and my dating

experience...I hope it did help your daughter and thanks for such a nice

reply.

Kathleen in Brooklyn

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I know exactly what you mean! I'm glad that you've got such a great guy, too!

Kathleen in Brooklyn