Guest guest Posted June 10, 2000 Report Share Posted June 10, 2000 I have a question about feelings. How do you feel when someone helps you a lot? Sometimes I am greatful sometimes I feel bad about it. I was picking up paper clips when a friend came over and just did it for me. That upset me. So I take a while but I get it done. Should I have been greatful? In Girl Scouts this lady is always saying to me that she knows how hard it is for me to do things. That makes me mad too. Like I want a reminder. I don't like feeling helpless. I do like help when I need it. I just can't tell where the fine line is between the two. jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2000 Report Share Posted June 11, 2000 As a parent of a 13 yo girl with CMT, it is sometimes hard to know when to help and when to back off. Many of you have told me to let her ask for help. I find that she is very proud and will often not ask for help. I try to watch and see if she struggles too much, I either do it or ask if I can do it. Right or wrong, it is done out of love not sympathy. When I see a senior citizen, disabled person, or a young mother with a child in tow struggle with a door, I rush to open it. To me, that is polite, no other hidden agenda there. At school things are different. If she drops a pencil, she will struggle for along time to get it. Once she dropped her pencil under a classmates desk, he sat there and watched her struggle and offered no help. The teacher finally casually walked over and picked up her pencil, she was grateful for the help. The boy smirked. Other times, boys rush to open her door, help her with things. She is perceiving those young men as polite. I guess it is a fine line and perhaps I cross over too much. I do believe the society as a general, has lost their manners, why I don't know. But i appreciate when anyone helps my daughter. I just wish I had the clairvoyance(sp?) to know when to help and when not to help. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2000 Report Share Posted June 11, 2000 As a parent of a 13 yo girl with CMT, it is sometimes hard to know when to help and when to back off. Many of you have told me to let her ask for help. I find that she is very proud and will often not ask for help. I try to watch and see if she struggles too much, I either do it or ask if I can do it. Right or wrong, it is done out of love not sympathy. When I see a senior citizen, disabled person, or a young mother with a child in tow struggle with a door, I rush to open it. To me, that is polite, no other hidden agenda there. At school things are different. If she drops a pencil, she will struggle for along time to get it. Once she dropped her pencil under a classmates desk, he sat there and watched her struggle and offered no help. The teacher finally casually walked over and picked up her pencil, she was grateful for the help. The boy smirked. Other times, boys rush to open her door, help her with things. She is perceiving those young men as polite. I guess it is a fine line and perhaps I cross over too much. I do believe the society as a general, has lost their manners, why I don't know. But i appreciate when anyone helps my daughter. I just wish I had the clairvoyance(sp?) to know when to help and when not to help. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2000 Report Share Posted June 11, 2000 In a message dated 6/11/2000 8:00:33 AM Pacific Daylight Time, mikerobertac@... writes: << But i appreciate when anyone helps my daughter. I just wish I had the clairvoyance(sp?) to know when to help and when not to help. a >> a , you made some great points. I don't even know where the fine line is. Maybe it has to do with attitude? Maybe I can sence why someone is helping. When they do it to be nice or when they do it because they don't think I can do it right or fast enough? I wish I knew. Then I could figure out why I get upset sometimes and sometimes I don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2000 Report Share Posted June 11, 2000 In a message dated 6/11/2000 8:00:33 AM Pacific Daylight Time, mikerobertac@... writes: << But i appreciate when anyone helps my daughter. I just wish I had the clairvoyance(sp?) to know when to help and when not to help. a >> a , you made some great points. I don't even know where the fine line is. Maybe it has to do with attitude? Maybe I can sence why someone is helping. When they do it to be nice or when they do it because they don't think I can do it right or fast enough? I wish I knew. Then I could figure out why I get upset sometimes and sometimes I don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2000 Report Share Posted June 11, 2000 In a message dated 6/11/2000 11:40:47 AM Pacific Daylight Time, mel2mars@... writes: << If she does it repeatedly, I'd just say " thanks, but it's okay to not keep reminding me " . I try to avoid people who really bug me - that helps a lot! For what it's worth, Melody Cleary >> Thanks Melody, I decided not to work with this Girl Scout lady next year. She is trying to be nice, I am sure but I want to be looked at as a person that helps in girl scouts. Not as a person that needs help working in girl scouts. I am going to use your advice in asking her not to remind me if she does it again. jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2000 Report Share Posted June 11, 2000 : I completely understand what you are saying about people giving help without waiting to be asked for it. I know there are people who are uncomfortable with watching someone like us do a task in a different way, and they interpret it as though we are struggling. My husband often says " here, let me do that " , instead of saying " do you need help with that? " I guess I would rather be offered help and decline it ( " that's okay, I can do it " ) than not have help offered at all. For the girl scout lady, giving her a response like " it may look like that to you, but I really do just fine with most things " might work without her getting offended. If she does it repeatedly, I'd just say " thanks, but it's okay to not keep reminding me " . I try to avoid people who really bug me - that helps a lot! For what it's worth, Melody Cleary Re: how do you feel I have a question about feelings. How do you feel when someone helps you a lot? Sometimes I am greatful sometimes I feel bad about it. I was picking up paper clips when a friend came over and just did it for me. That upset me. So I take a while but I get it done. Should I have been greatful? In Girl Scouts this lady is always saying to me that she knows how hard it is for me to do things. That makes me mad too. Like I want a reminder. I don't like feeling helpless. I do like help when I need it. I just can't tell where the fine line is between the two. jenny ------------------------------------------------------------------------ How about a flat, no-fee long distance rate of 6.7¢ per min. - or less? Join beMANY! Our huge buying group gives you rates which fall monthly, plus an extra $60 in FREE calls! http://click.egroups.com/1/3820/10/_/616793/_/960676733/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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