RLS: Thank you,

[Guest guest]

Dear and group,

I am SO sorry. In my haste to leave for another caretaking stint in

Tucson, and in the emotional craziness and drain of this last month, I

totally forgot the date and my suggestion of a moratorium on group

comments. Thank you for the reminder. I stand corrected, and I'm

kicking myself and feeling ashamed. There is NO smirk or kidding in

this, I totally screwed up, writing that letter to the group before the

24th...heck, I never should have written it, period. I feel pretty

stupid and very sorry. I've got to get through this stress in my own

life, get over this sleep deprivation, and get my own life and my

mother's life back together before I start " preaching " to anyone else.

Thanks for setting me straight. I feel like I'm losing it, these

days....and I sure shouldn't be " finding it " by preaching to everyone

else. You're right ...I was preaching. I thought I had this

great idea to spread to the " congregation " . There was nothing in it

that resembled good teaching practice. I blew it. For those of you

who are shaking your head and thinking I'm just being sly or

manipulative in my comments...save your thoughts. These tears and this

heartache don't have the time or energy for that. I've been crying for

the last half hour, for being so stupid and even sending that letter or

for hurting anyone's feelings or appearing to pass judgement on

anything like child rearing. Geez, forgive me. I haven't felt this

down in ages and there's nothing sarcastic or pointed about any of

this, except what I'm pointing at myself. I'm just trying to keep

myself going and get through things moment by moment. I couldn't get

through the 4 hr drive to Tucson yesterday without pulling over to nap

out in the middle of no where and fighting off the shakes and other

weird problems during the 4 hr drive. I'm NOT in good shape. And then,

when I start my morning with letters like these, I'm not real

encouraged about my own stability these days. I meant well. I KNOW

others fight the same stress and problems I have. I'm not the only one

feeling this badly. I guess it was just my day to break down and vent

to the group and share my own problems, today. Hey, the good news is,

it's the first time I've broken down since my mom's stroke six weeks

ago and my trip overseas to get her, etc. etc. Maybe I needed it..and

have the group to thank for this therapy session. I never intend to

hurt anyone. I thought my letter was filled with sincere praise for

Connie, along with a suggestion for a different approach to responding

to people's ideas. My aim is way off, these days. Maybe it always

was. I'm so sorry. Geez...I'm sooo sorry. I can hear people, like

you, Jack, saying this is all a guilt trip ploy for sympathy....or

thinking that Jill hits, runs, and then always begs forgiveness. It's

sure not meant to be any of that. But maybe you're right. Maybe

that's how I come across. Maybe my sincerity is there, but my actions

are a fraud. I really don't know, any more....but do me a

favor...think it...but don't bother telling me...because right now, I

truly need a little understanding and some benefit of the doubt. I'll

find it, here at home, with people who know me and understand me, and

where I run less of a risk of being misunderstood or thought to be

cruel and argumentative. Meanwhile, I've gotta go suck it up and face

this day and try to be supportive of my loved ones, close to home.

I'm also so sorry scores are being kept, or that I brought up child

rearing discussions in public, which lead to a zillion

misunderstandings, too. Child rearing is not the issue...it was merely

a terrible example I tried to use and know much better than to use

something so controversial. Yikes...I've truly blown it. I'm sorry.

I never meant to critisize (I know that spelling is wrong but I'm not

thinking straight enough to fix it) anyone's child rearing. God, with

what's going on with that on the news, now, that's the last thing I

want to do. Forgive me.

BTW...there was absolutely no slap intended at Dr. Levin or at anyone

else, for that matter. I mentioned his advice because I thought it was

excellent, as was most of what he shared with us. Any negative

interpretation of my referance to him is totally wrong.

I'll do my VERY best to not write any more letters to the group about

anything that is not strictly RLS therapy related. My own RLS is 100%

better than it's been in 40 years....and I thank this group and the

knowledge I've gained in this last year of learning so much. I only

wish to learn more and share anything that will help others.

\ahh geez, guys....I was just rereading this, and I got a call from

Mom, crying....her blood pressure is back up over 200 and she's so

depressed...now I can't stop crying... I've gotta get over there...and

I'm a wreck. This just isn't good at all. Whatever I've jsut

written....if it's wrong...forgive me....I just need to dump it and get

a grip. thanks for being there....

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