non-rls (another virus warning)

[Guest guest]

If you receive an email entitled " Crazy Times " delete it

immediately. Do not open it! Apparently this one is pretty

nasty.

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it

will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your

computer.

It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.

It reprograms your ATM access code, messes up the tracking

on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any

CD's you attempt to play.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings

so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.

It will program your phone autodial to call only your

mother-in-law's number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will drink all your beer.

It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are

expecting company.

Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and

bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate

behind your ears.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with

Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind

your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa

card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a

way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.

It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active

verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable

misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key

sentences.

If the " Crazy Times " message is opened in a Windows 95

environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your

hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the tags from your mattresses and

pillows, but it will also refill your skimmed milk with

whole milk.

It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.

It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume,

causing it to smell like dill pickles.(Remember Brut 33 ?)

It is insidious and subtle.

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NEW - homepage URL

http://www.frontiernet.net/~goviers

updated 3/21/99.

On the Internet, nobody knows you're a cat.

The total sum of the world's IQ is constant. If the population is

increasing, then intelligence is ...

A little village of Trids (like Smurfs only green) had built their water

well on the top of a hill. An evil troll took over the hill and wouldn't

let the Trids get any water. Every Trid that went up the hill was kicked

down by the troll. Frustrated, the Trids asked the local Rabbi for help. He

climbed the hill and got the water with any trouble from the troll. When he

went back up the hill he asked the troll why he had not kicked him down the

hill. The troll replied, " Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids. "