RLS: clarification

[Guest guest]

WARNING ABOUT TONE OF VOICE: This letter is one of explanation....NOT

defensiveness. I'm VERY glad a potential misunderstanding was brought to

my attention. I'm just trying to clear up any question that I may have

created. I'm smiling, Folks! ))))))

A friendly member of our group has informed me that my " apology " letter,

which said that I didn't mean to send the letter about the photos (meant

for Jodi) to the group....might have been mistaken by new members of the

group.

I certainly hope this isn't the case...but I see her point and see the

potential for it to have been taken wrong by someone who didn't know me or

some of the history of the group. I appreciate her feedback, and I hope

she's the only one that saw the potential problems with my letter, but just

in case....and in the hopes of not offending anyone unnecessarily...I'd

like to take a minute to explain what happened.

#1...When I wrote the first letter (to Jodi) I was in a hurry to leave

town. When I wrote the second one, it was late, I was in a hurry to get to

bed, and I'd been gone for three days and returned to find what was

supposed to be a private email had been sent for everyone to see. In this

case...there was NOTHING in the email that wasn't fine for everyone to see.

No secrets, no personal comments, etc. BUT, it was written in sort of a

shorthand that I knew Jodi would understand. If I'd written it to the

group (which is 200+ people), I'd have made all the comments much clearer.

Why did I seem embarrassed about it? I wasn't ashamed of the content....I

was just disappointed that I'm such a dunce sometimes and can't remember a

simple rule: ALWAYS check the TO: line and see where it's going, before

hitting the SEND key!!! I should know better. Duh!!!! During the last

year, several of us HAVE sent embarrassing emails through the group by

mistake. It was just " one more goof " and I was sorta joking about

it...saying " ooops, guess it's MY turn to goof " .

#2...I made this comment in my letter to Jodi, " Seems like there are LOTS

of new ones [members of the group] and there's no telling where they came

from. " It was pointed out to me that this sounded odd...potentially

snobby, etc. I can understand that, too. I wasn't referring to

geographic location. Although, as an aside, that's an interesting topic,

which I'll comment on, at the end of this letter. Once again, I would have

written that differently for the group. Jodi knew what I meant. For the

others, though...what I meant was that everyone arrives at our email group

along a different cyber-route. Some have gone to local support groups in

their towns and been told a URL which eventually gets them to the group.

Others were up all night one night, found my page, wrote to me, and I told

them to join the group. Others found the RLS Foundation page and saw the

link to the group. Others were given a name, which gave them another name,

which got them here. And others found Jodi and entered by having her add

them to the list. Why is this important? Because not everyone passed the

" group information page " on their way here. We have a website that

explains all about the Regular and Digest versions of the list, the group

rules, net-etiquette, group topics, and how we like people to add

signatures to letters so we know their age and location (just a way of

keeping everyone straight) etc. etc. So, what I meant was, " we don't know

if everyone has seen the introduction materials on their way to the group,

or if they came here from a different direction and just suddenly, one day,

started receiving emails. "

There are no secrets in that letter I sent. And the only reason I sent it

was because I wanted Jodi, in her position as moderator, to broadcast some

of the group information for all the new folks. I wanted the information

known. I just felt she was the one to put it out, not myself.

I hope this clears it up. As for the person who pointed out the possible

confusion....*smile*....no...it was NOT an " idiotic assumption " . It was a

genuine concern, and I really appreciate you pointing out to me the

possibility for major misunderstanding from people who didn't know me, yet.

I think we're back on track, now. Yes?

I've learned many things from this group in the past year. I'd say about

50% of it has been about RLS, but the other 50% has been about

communications and dealing with people who are tired and hurting (like most

of us are). We easily misunderstand people, take things wrong, or let out

feelings get stepped on. I think, in terms of our cyber support group, the

best rule of thumb is to do exactly what this member did with me. When you

think a letter sounds mean, aggressive, hateful, out of place,

etc....contact the person and make sure it was meant the way you read it.

There's a good chance it wasn't. I know that for myself, I really

appreciate the chance to explain and clear things up.

Meanwhile.....I'm going to go ahead and rewrite that letter to Jodi and

include the info, for the group, in a separate email.

Thanks,

Jill, 46

Payson, AZ

http://www.netzone.com/~gunzel/rls.html