News for the day: Darwin Awards

[Guest guest]

On the lighter side...

>

> In a message dated 2/17/1999 4:04:32 PM Eastern Standard Time,

TAB937 writes:

>

> <<

> And who says that our Education system does not put out some

talent. Don

>

> --------SEATTLE When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a

motor home

> parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.

> Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to

a motor

> home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man

admitted to

> trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's

sewage

> tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges,

saying it

> was the best laugh he'd ever had.

>

> -------------- DETROIT A woman was reporting her car as stolen,

and

> mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman

> taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered

that he had

> read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They

arranged to

> meet, and the thief was arrested.

>

> --------------------- SAN ANTONIO 45 year old Amy Brasher was

arrested

> after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana

were packed

> in the engine compartment of the car, which she had brought to the

mechanic

> for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she

didn't

> realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the

oil.

>

> ---------------------- PONTIAC Drug possession defendant

> Jansen, who was on trial, said he had been searched without a

warrant. The

> prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a " bulge " in

> 's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, " said

, who

> happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed

it over

> so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine

in the

> pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose

> himself.

>

> ------------------------ OKLAHOMA CITY Dennis Newton was on

trial for the

> armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week

when he

> fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry said

Newton, 47,

> was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager

testified

> that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of

lying and

> then said, " I should've blown your *%$@# head off. " The defendant

paused,

> then quickly added, " If I'd been the one that was there. " The jury

took 20

> minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.

>

> ----------------------- SAN FRANCISCO A man wanting to rob a

downtown Bank

> of America, walked into the branch and wrote " This iz a stikkup.

Put all

> your muny in this bag. " While standing in line, waiting to give his

note to

> the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the

note and

> might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he

left the Bank

> of America and crossed the street to go to the Wells Fargo Bank.

> After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the

Wells Fargo

> teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that

he was not

> the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not

accept his

> stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit

slip, and

> that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or

go back

> to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, " Ok "

and left.

> The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a

few

> minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of America.

>

> -------------------------- SAN FRANCISCO A motorist was

unknowingly caught

> in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and

> photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for

$40 and a

> photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police

department a

> photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from

the police

> that contained another picture, this one of handcuffs.

>

>

>

==

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to

change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference