HMOs

[Guest guest]

As bedtime becomes dreadtime I distract myself from rls by puttering around my

computer when what to my wondering eyes should appear but the following serious

information for any of us trying to get the proper treatment for rls. Read

on.....

-Ann Cianflone, Vienna, VA.---------

:

Q; What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, " Hey, Moe " Its roots go

back

to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe , who discovered that a

patient

could be made to forget about the RLS if he was poked hard

enough

in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with

hi-tech

equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result

remains the

same.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the

doctor I

want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your

insurer will

provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating

in the

plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically

fall

into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and

those

who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry --

the

remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has

an

office just a half day's drive away.

Q. What are pre-existing conditions?

A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want

to

talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be

pre-stuck with

it.

Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name

brand. I

tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What

should I

do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap.

My

insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery but I'd already

paid

my bill. What should I do?

A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check

over to

you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those

great

offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or

frog

hatcheries.

Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?

A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.

Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your

primary

care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can

handle my

problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant

right

in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're out is the $10

co-payment,

there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

--------- End forwarded message ----------

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