Guest guest Posted May 16, 2000 Report Share Posted May 16, 2000 Hello everyone.. Hope everything is going well.. I just got back about 2am this morning from vacation.. I have not even began to read the 40-some digests I have waiting for me in my mailbox... For the last 3 days i have been completely miserable with a cold/allergies and my sinuses are so stuffed that it makes me dizzy... I'm hoping that after a good nights sleep i will feel much better... I guess my body just does not like the pollen anymore.. I'm used to it here in NC but, getting into VA and then NJ, eek!!! I'm sneezing like crazy!!! I still have not heard anything from Debbie, of course, I didn't think I would.. I will probably call her tomorrow.. Thursday will be 2 weeks since she sent everything to medicaid.. Can take up to a month or so.. But, we shall see what happens.. Like I said before, I'm not going to worry about it.. If it's meant to be, it will be... Just a little update.. I saw my brother while I was in NJ.. For those of you who don't knw or don't remember, he was diagnosed with colon cancer about 2 months ago at the age of 32... Well, he's not doing good... The day we were supposed to go to his house, he had to go back in the hospital because there was no circulation in his foot... There was no pulse, his toes were white and numb... So, they thought it was a blood clot.. That would have been the easy answer.. Well, they tested him and didn't find any clots.. So, they kept him overnight... They finally said that he had " lesions " in his veins... Now, just to let you in on something I found out while I was up there, when he was diagnosed with the cancer, he was told that he had lesions.. So, from what we understand, this means that the cancer is in his blood stream!!! My mom has talked to the Drs and I guess they expect him to only live about 18 months or so.. I don't know what to think of it all.. It all seems so unreal!! My brother does not want to know anything.. he told the Dr to tell him everything was fine.. So, he really don't know what is going on.. I just hope and pray that God will carry my brother in his hands and heal him.. It would be a miracle if he gets better.. We can only hope for the best but prepare for the worst.. Please please please pray for him... I love you all! In my thoughts and prayers, Terri ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2000 Report Share Posted May 16, 2000 In a message dated 5/16/2000 8:56:05 PM Eastern Daylight Time, kf4vnt@... writes: << I just hope and pray that God will carry my brother in his hands and heal him.. It would be a miracle if he gets better.. We can only hope for the best but prepare for the worst.. Please please please pray for him... I love you all! In my thoughts and prayers, Terri _________________________________________________________________ >> You, you're brother and you're family will be in my thoughts and prayers!!!!!! Wanting to be on the other side, Cathy in Lenoir, NC Patient Info Emailed on 5/2/00 BMI 42 " A Journey Of A Thousand Miles Begins With A Single Step! " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2000 Report Share Posted May 16, 2000 In a message dated 5/16/00 8:56:14 PM Eastern Daylight Time, kf4vnt@... writes: << I just hope and pray that God will carry my brother in his hands and heal him.. It would be a miracle if he gets better.. We can only hope for the best but prepare for the worst.. Please please please pray for him... I love you all! >> Terri, Your brother and your whole family are in my prayers. God will hold him in His loving hands and will keep him safe. He will also lift you and your family up and hold you as well. Know that you all are loved. {{HUGS}} Claire MGB 4/10/00 300/277 15.25 inches lost forever!! Dr. Rutledge (http:/clos.net) " He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus. " - Phil. 1:6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2000 Report Share Posted May 16, 2000 Terry, I am so sorry to hear this about your brother. Please tell me his name, so we can (church) and family lift him to the Lord in prayer. Also I hope you get better quick! Prayers to you and the family!!! Lori--- In MiniGastricBypass (AT) e, " Theresa Somers " wrote: > Hello everyone.. > > Hope everything is going well.. I just got back about 2am this morning > from vacation.. I have not even began to read the 40-some digests I have > waiting for me in my mailbox... For the last 3 days i have been completely > miserable with a cold/allergies and my sinuses are so stuffed that it makes > me dizzy... I'm hoping that after a good nights sleep i will feel much > better... I guess my body just does not like the pollen anymore.. I'm used > to it here in NC but, getting into VA and then NJ, eek!!! I'm sneezing like > crazy!!! I still have not heard anything from Debbie, of course, I didn't > think I would.. I will probably call her tomorrow.. Thursday will be 2 weeks > since she sent everything to medicaid.. Can take up to a month or so.. But, > we shall see what happens.. Like I said before, I'm not going to worry about > it.. If it's meant to be, it will be... Just a little update.. I saw my > brother while I was in NJ.. For those of you who don't knw or don't > remember, he was diagnosed with colon cancer about 2 months ago at the age > of 32... Well, he's not doing good... The day we were supposed to go to his > house, he had to go back in the hospital because there was no circulation in > his foot... There was no pulse, his toes were white and numb... So, they > thought it was a blood clot.. That would have been the easy answer.. Well, > they tested him and didn't find any clots.. So, they kept him overnight... > They finally said that he had " lesions " in his veins... Now, just to let you > in on something I found out while I was up there, when he was diagnosed with > the cancer, he was told that he had lesions.. So, from what we understand, > this means that the cancer is in his blood stream!!! My mom has talked to > the Drs and I guess they expect him to only live about 18 months or so.. I > don't know what to think of it all.. It all seems so unreal!! My brother > does not want to know anything.. he told the Dr to tell him everything was > fine.. So, he really don't know what is going on.. I just hope and pray that > God will carry my brother in his hands and heal him.. It would be a miracle > if he gets better.. We can only hope for the best but prepare for the > worst.. Please please please pray for him... I love you all! > > In my thoughts and prayers, > > Terri > > ______________________________________________________________________ __ > Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2000 Report Share Posted May 16, 2000 --- Terri, So sorry to hear about your brother. You and your family will be in my prayers. Oxford,Ohio In MiniGastricBypass (AT) e, " Theresa Somers " wrote: > Hello everyone.. > > Hope everything is going well.. I just got back about 2am this morning > from vacation.. I have not even began to read the 40-some digests I have > waiting for me in my mailbox... For the last 3 days i have been completely > miserable with a cold/allergies and my sinuses are so stuffed that it makes > me dizzy... I'm hoping that after a good nights sleep i will feel much > better... I guess my body just does not like the pollen anymore.. I'm used > to it here in NC but, getting into VA and then NJ, eek!!! I'm sneezing like > crazy!!! I still have not heard anything from Debbie, of course, I didn't > think I would.. I will probably call her tomorrow.. Thursday will be 2 weeks > since she sent everything to medicaid.. Can take up to a month or so.. But, > we shall see what happens.. Like I said before, I'm not going to worry about > it.. If it's meant to be, it will be... Just a little update.. I saw my > brother while I was in NJ.. For those of you who don't knw or don't > remember, he was diagnosed with colon cancer about 2 months ago at the age > of 32... Well, he's not doing good... The day we were supposed to go to his > house, he had to go back in the hospital because there was no circulation in > his foot... There was no pulse, his toes were white and numb... So, they > thought it was a blood clot.. That would have been the easy answer.. Well, > they tested him and didn't find any clots.. So, they kept him overnight... > They finally said that he had " lesions " in his veins... Now, just to let you > in on something I found out while I was up there, when he was diagnosed with > the cancer, he was told that he had lesions.. So, from what we understand, > this means that the cancer is in his blood stream!!! My mom has talked to > the Drs and I guess they expect him to only live about 18 months or so.. I > don't know what to think of it all.. It all seems so unreal!! My brother > does not want to know anything.. he told the Dr to tell him everything was > fine.. So, he really don't know what is going on.. I just hope and pray that > God will carry my brother in his hands and heal him.. It would be a miracle > if he gets better.. We can only hope for the best but prepare for the > worst.. Please please please pray for him... I love you all! > > In my thoughts and prayers, > > Terri > > ______________________________________________________________________ __ > Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2000 Report Share Posted May 16, 2000 Dear Terri, I'm praying for your brother and for you and your family. Just remember, miracles do happen. Two years ago my brother was diagnosed with cancer. They had to remove parts of his stomach, duodenum, pancreas, gallbladder and liver. The procedure is called a Whipple and they said it was a miracle that he survived the surgery. Not only did he make it through the surgery just fine but he also survived chemo and has been cancer free for two years now. The only way to describe it is a MIRACLE. He was also fighting Hep C and is also in remission for it. He got Hep C from the hospital during a blood transfusion for a bleeding ulcer. We thank God everyday that he is alive and well. He's 55 and teaches country and western dance lessons plus works full time at the phone company. It's truly amazing. Praying for You, Genz Theresa Somers wrote: > Hello everyone.. > > Hope everything is going well.. I just got back about 2am this morning > from vacation.. I have not even began to read the 40-some digests I have > waiting for me in my mailbox... For the last 3 days i have been completely > miserable with a cold/allergies and my sinuses are so stuffed that it makes > me dizzy... I'm hoping that after a good nights sleep i will feel much > better... I guess my body just does not like the pollen anymore.. I'm used > to it here in NC but, getting into VA and then NJ, eek!!! I'm sneezing like > crazy!!! I still have not heard anything from Debbie, of course, I didn't > think I would.. I will probably call her tomorrow.. Thursday will be 2 weeks > since she sent everything to medicaid.. Can take up to a month or so.. But, > we shall see what happens.. Like I said before, I'm not going to worry about > it.. If it's meant to be, it will be... Just a little update.. I saw my > brother while I was in NJ.. For those of you who don't knw or don't > remember, he was diagnosed with colon cancer about 2 months ago at the age > of 32... Well, he's not doing good... The day we were supposed to go to his > house, he had to go back in the hospital because there was no circulation in > his foot... There was no pulse, his toes were white and numb... So, they > thought it was a blood clot.. That would have been the easy answer.. Well, > they tested him and didn't find any clots.. So, they kept him overnight... > They finally said that he had " lesions " in his veins... Now, just to let you > in on something I found out while I was up there, when he was diagnosed with > the cancer, he was told that he had lesions.. So, from what we understand, > this means that the cancer is in his blood stream!!! My mom has talked to > the Drs and I guess they expect him to only live about 18 months or so.. I > don't know what to think of it all.. It all seems so unreal!! My brother > does not want to know anything.. he told the Dr to tell him everything was > fine.. So, he really don't know what is going on.. I just hope and pray that > God will carry my brother in his hands and heal him.. It would be a miracle > if he gets better.. We can only hope for the best but prepare for the > worst.. Please please please pray for him... I love you all! > > In my thoughts and prayers, > > Terri > > ________________________________________________________________________ > Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > $60 in FREE Long Distance! Click Here to join beMANY! today. > http://click.egroups.com/1/4126/2/_/453517/_/958519740/ > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > This message is from the Mini-Gastric Bypass Mailing List at Onelist.com > Please visit our web site at http://clos.net > Get the Patient Manual at http://clos.net/get_patient_manual.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2000 Report Share Posted May 16, 2000 Dear Terri, I'm praying for your brother and for you and your family. Just remember, miracles do happen. Two years ago my brother was diagnosed with cancer. They had to remove parts of his stomach, duodenum, pancreas, gallbladder and liver. The procedure is called a Whipple and they said it was a miracle that he survived the surgery. Not only did he make it through the surgery just fine but he also survived chemo and has been cancer free for two years now. The only way to describe it is a MIRACLE. He was also fighting Hep C and is also in remission for it. He got Hep C from the hospital during a blood transfusion for a bleeding ulcer. We thank God everyday that he is alive and well. He's 55 and teaches country and western dance lessons plus works full time at the phone company. It's truly amazing. Praying for You, Genz Theresa Somers wrote: > Hello everyone.. > > Hope everything is going well.. I just got back about 2am this morning > from vacation.. I have not even began to read the 40-some digests I have > waiting for me in my mailbox... For the last 3 days i have been completely > miserable with a cold/allergies and my sinuses are so stuffed that it makes > me dizzy... I'm hoping that after a good nights sleep i will feel much > better... I guess my body just does not like the pollen anymore.. I'm used > to it here in NC but, getting into VA and then NJ, eek!!! I'm sneezing like > crazy!!! I still have not heard anything from Debbie, of course, I didn't > think I would.. I will probably call her tomorrow.. Thursday will be 2 weeks > since she sent everything to medicaid.. Can take up to a month or so.. But, > we shall see what happens.. Like I said before, I'm not going to worry about > it.. If it's meant to be, it will be... Just a little update.. I saw my > brother while I was in NJ.. For those of you who don't knw or don't > remember, he was diagnosed with colon cancer about 2 months ago at the age > of 32... Well, he's not doing good... The day we were supposed to go to his > house, he had to go back in the hospital because there was no circulation in > his foot... There was no pulse, his toes were white and numb... So, they > thought it was a blood clot.. That would have been the easy answer.. Well, > they tested him and didn't find any clots.. So, they kept him overnight... > They finally said that he had " lesions " in his veins... Now, just to let you > in on something I found out while I was up there, when he was diagnosed with > the cancer, he was told that he had lesions.. So, from what we understand, > this means that the cancer is in his blood stream!!! My mom has talked to > the Drs and I guess they expect him to only live about 18 months or so.. I > don't know what to think of it all.. It all seems so unreal!! My brother > does not want to know anything.. he told the Dr to tell him everything was > fine.. So, he really don't know what is going on.. I just hope and pray that > God will carry my brother in his hands and heal him.. It would be a miracle > if he gets better.. We can only hope for the best but prepare for the > worst.. Please please please pray for him... I love you all! > > In my thoughts and prayers, > > Terri > > ________________________________________________________________________ > Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > $60 in FREE Long Distance! Click Here to join beMANY! today. > http://click.egroups.com/1/4126/2/_/453517/_/958519740/ > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > This message is from the Mini-Gastric Bypass Mailing List at Onelist.com > Please visit our web site at http://clos.net > Get the Patient Manual at http://clos.net/get_patient_manual.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2000 Report Share Posted May 17, 2000 Terri: I know how special brothers are. My prayers are with you and your family. Jackie in DE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2000 Report Share Posted May 17, 2000 Terri, My prayers are with you and your family, My brothers mean the world to me, it breaks my heart reading your post! Godspeed Terri Trisha Lanman praying Dr. R. will help me to the other side soon!!! Las Vegas NV Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 18, 2000 Report Share Posted May 18, 2000 Hi Lori.. My brother's name is ... Thank you.. In my thoughts and prayers, Terri > Terry, > I am so sorry to hear this about your brother. Please tell me his > name, so we can (church) and family lift him to the Lord in prayer. > Also I hope you get better quick! > Prayers to you and the family!!! > Lori--- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 18, 2000 Report Share Posted May 18, 2000 Hi Lori.. My brother's name is ... Thank you.. In my thoughts and prayers, Terri > Terry, > I am so sorry to hear this about your brother. Please tell me his > name, so we can (church) and family lift him to the Lord in prayer. > Also I hope you get better quick! > Prayers to you and the family!!! > Lori--- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2005 Report Share Posted June 26, 2005 Welcome back Francisco and than you so much for that incredible " introduction " It was very moving and quite inspirational. How terrific that you now have two wonderful new friends..... and Francisco! Best, Maggie n gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients , " Francisco " wrote: > Hey beautiful people! > > I'm back! There has been so much that I've been going through, but > now things seem to be calming down a bit. > > And it's time to get back into the swing of things as an active > member of this group. After all, I am a moderator of the group > (thanks, Shell). > > Hello to all new members. I wish you the best on your journey. > You're so lucky to have found this wonderful group of caring souls. > > Please allow me to introduce myself and update you long-timers on > where I am on my journey. I'm Francisco. I am 41 (soon to be 42 on > July 4th), and I had open RNY gastric bypass surgery on June 3, > 2003. I have lost a total of 153 lbs, and I have been at my goal > weight for 8 months. I have had two reconstructive surgeries: > abdominoplasty and gynecomastia, which I paid for out of pocket > ($14,000.00). > > Everything in my life has changed—my mind, body and spirit. I once > lived a half-life of unrealized dreams. I was a prisoner in my own > body, and I was desperate to find a way out. Thank God I learned > that Kaiser covered gastric bypass surgery. My transformation has > not been easy. Yes, my physical recovery was relatively smooth, but > the emotional arena has been where the real work needed and still > needs to be done. > > As the layers of fat melted off, I felt exposed as never before, and > my old buddy, lover, friend, soul mate—food—was no longer there to > comfort me. I had to find new ways of believing in myself, of > talking to myself, of caring for myself. > > I had to find new ways to experience joy, and I had to realize that > all the sorrow and regret of so many years of morbid obesity had to > be dealt with, without food. And the emotional pain didn't suddenly > go away because my surgeon rearranged my intestinal tract. I had to > believe that I could cry it out, feel the pain, and that I'd still be > OK. I also had to find new non-food-related interests that would > bring me joy. I had to begin to look for sources of inspiration. I > needed to find and take in every spark of happiness and beauty that I > could. I needed to learn that I didn't have to take in every ounce > of sorrow or make others' troubles my own. > > The physical transformation was rather quick, and I made sure that > the emotional and spiritual changes didn't lag behind. With the > weight loss, I experienced a great deal of personal loss: some old > friends (all morbidly obese) abandoned me, and I, in turn, cut them > out of my life. I was so wounded by their betrayal, but I could no > longer tolerate that kind of poison in my recovery process. Then > came the hardest part of my journey: my eleven-year long-term > relationship—my whole world of safety—came to an end. Zach, my > former partner, was just not on the same page with me anymore. He > didn't know me anymore. He said, " The old Francisco I knew and loved > is gone. It's like he died. I miss him. " The split, while > amicable, has caused me the greatest pain in this process so far. I > will always care for him because of the good person he is, but I > cannot share my life with someone who doesn't know me and does not > share my dreams. > > Ironically, as my transformation caused Zach to not recognize who I > was, I was growing to feel more and more like my true self. I began > to feel hope and joy like never before. People treated me > differently. Men (and some women) expressed interest in me > sexually. That was scary and exciting all at once. I could have let > myself become bitter with the resentment that these people would > never have found me attractive 153 pounds ago, but the truth is, I > didn't either, but not for physical reasons, but emotional ones. > > People have commented to me that I'm radiant. And it's true, not > because of what's outside, but what's on the inside. My body feels > wonderful like never before. I feed it and nourish it like it has > deserved for so many years. I joined the National AIDS Marathon > training program, and I run with 20- and 30-somethings. As we start > each run, a smile comes naturally to me as I feel the joy of flight. > My spirit is soaring as I run through the most beautiful areas of San > Francisco. As we run along the beach, I hear the wind whistling in > my ears, the ocean mist kissing my face, the colors of wild flowers > dazzling my eyes, the laughter of my pace group warming my heart. > > There is so much beauty and joy that sometimes I find it > overwhelming. How can this be happening to me? Why did God finally > hear my secret cries and take away my pain? Why has the isolation > and imprisonment been turned into a mind that expresses love to > itself, a heart that sings, a body that dances and a spirit that > soars? Sometimes it feels like there has been a beam of light that > has come down from heaven, and it illuminates me. I think that's why > people have said that I'm radiant. It's because I'm healthy, I smile > all the time, I feel good and I no longer wear a suit of armor made > of fat. I no longer wear my pain because I no longer eat my pain. > The radiance they see is freedom. > > The pain is still there. I experience pain like everyone else. When > I finally cried about the break up with Zach, each tear represented > searing pain like a knife tearing my heart to pieces. I felt so much > guilt about leaving the relationship. Then one of our kitties died. > Then Zach lost his job. > > There is nothing I can do about that except pray and turn it over to > God. I can only control what goes into my mouth, whether or not I > will exercise, and how I will talk to myself. As a friend said to > me, " You are not responsible for Zach's happiness; you are > responsible for YOUR happiness. You are responsible for taking care > of YOU. " > > Upon Dr. Gity's advice, I had reached out to build a new circle of > friends, to experience life as a normal-weighted person. She told us > that we need to be part of a group in which you are not a WLS > patient; you are just who you are. I am so much more that a " gastric > bypass poster child. " I joined a gay/lesbian square dance group. > I became a member of a church in San Francisco. I attended support > groups (online and in-person). And in my time of need, people > stepped forward to offer me a shoulder to cry on. The investment of > time and emotion into new, healthy friendships rendered the dividends > that I had hoped for—support, community, acceptance and love. > > Then came the icing on the cake (pardon that metaphor). After a > period of dating like a mad man, I had gone on a break from the mind > games of men and dating. I went on a church retreat looking for rest > and spiritual renewal. The first evening, I decided to take a nature > walk by myself. , a tall and handsome man of my church, asked > if he could join me. I said, " Sure. " > > and I had known each other since October of 2004, maybe a > little before. Interestingly, and I became members of the > church on the same Sunday. We actually stood next to each other > while we took our vows. It was October 17, 2004. I had reached my > goal weight on October 16, 2004, one day before. > > On the nature walk, and I made a connection that surprised us > both. We began talking about recovery, me from morbid obesity, him > from alcoholism. We both spoke the language of recovery. He > understood me in ways that others do not. While the substance may be > different, the basics of our programs remain the same. > > By the end of the nature walk, we had hugged. Soon thereafter we > were holding hands. Later in the evening we shared our first kiss. > By Sunday night, we had talked and shared so much that we decided it > was right for us to date exclusively—we became boyfriends. We've > shared so much since then. I had dinner with and his Mom, > and we really hit it off. She now refers to me a son #5 (she has > four sons). made dinner for my Mom, Dad and brother, and > they got along great. > > And so here I am, two years after my gastric bypass with a life I > never imagined. I have been blessed beyond measure, but not by > possessions, but with love. And it started when I began to believe > that this miracle would happen. I had no idea I was capable of such > courage, such strength, such fortitude. I had no idea that there > would be so much pain, so much loss. And I couldn't have imagined > that there would be so much love—no only from others, but from myself. > > Finally, the deep, gnawing hunger in my heart has begun to be > satisfied. I now know that food can never feed my soul. It was my > soul that was hungry for love, and I denied myself that love for way > too many years. Sure, I had the love of friends and family, but it > wasn't enough to take away the self-hatred that kept me fat and > unhealthy in mind, body and spirit. At long last I have given myself > that gift, the gift of loving myself for who I am, the way God made > me, just as I am, perfectly flawed, imperfectly flawless, deserving > of love for no other reason than this: I exist, and as such, I > deserve to be loved by others, but most importantly, I deserve the > self-love and self-esteem that can only come from within. At long > last, I finally love me. > > Thanks for reading. > > Francisco > At goal > www.aidsmarathon.com > runner 0024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2005 Report Share Posted June 26, 2005 Welcome back Francisco and than you so much for that incredible " introduction " It was very moving and quite inspirational. How terrific that you now have two wonderful new friends..... and Francisco! Best, Maggie n gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients , " Francisco " wrote: > Hey beautiful people! > > I'm back! There has been so much that I've been going through, but > now things seem to be calming down a bit. > > And it's time to get back into the swing of things as an active > member of this group. After all, I am a moderator of the group > (thanks, Shell). > > Hello to all new members. I wish you the best on your journey. > You're so lucky to have found this wonderful group of caring souls. > > Please allow me to introduce myself and update you long-timers on > where I am on my journey. I'm Francisco. I am 41 (soon to be 42 on > July 4th), and I had open RNY gastric bypass surgery on June 3, > 2003. I have lost a total of 153 lbs, and I have been at my goal > weight for 8 months. I have had two reconstructive surgeries: > abdominoplasty and gynecomastia, which I paid for out of pocket > ($14,000.00). > > Everything in my life has changed—my mind, body and spirit. I once > lived a half-life of unrealized dreams. I was a prisoner in my own > body, and I was desperate to find a way out. Thank God I learned > that Kaiser covered gastric bypass surgery. My transformation has > not been easy. Yes, my physical recovery was relatively smooth, but > the emotional arena has been where the real work needed and still > needs to be done. > > As the layers of fat melted off, I felt exposed as never before, and > my old buddy, lover, friend, soul mate—food—was no longer there to > comfort me. I had to find new ways of believing in myself, of > talking to myself, of caring for myself. > > I had to find new ways to experience joy, and I had to realize that > all the sorrow and regret of so many years of morbid obesity had to > be dealt with, without food. And the emotional pain didn't suddenly > go away because my surgeon rearranged my intestinal tract. I had to > believe that I could cry it out, feel the pain, and that I'd still be > OK. I also had to find new non-food-related interests that would > bring me joy. I had to begin to look for sources of inspiration. I > needed to find and take in every spark of happiness and beauty that I > could. I needed to learn that I didn't have to take in every ounce > of sorrow or make others' troubles my own. > > The physical transformation was rather quick, and I made sure that > the emotional and spiritual changes didn't lag behind. With the > weight loss, I experienced a great deal of personal loss: some old > friends (all morbidly obese) abandoned me, and I, in turn, cut them > out of my life. I was so wounded by their betrayal, but I could no > longer tolerate that kind of poison in my recovery process. Then > came the hardest part of my journey: my eleven-year long-term > relationship—my whole world of safety—came to an end. Zach, my > former partner, was just not on the same page with me anymore. He > didn't know me anymore. He said, " The old Francisco I knew and loved > is gone. It's like he died. I miss him. " The split, while > amicable, has caused me the greatest pain in this process so far. I > will always care for him because of the good person he is, but I > cannot share my life with someone who doesn't know me and does not > share my dreams. > > Ironically, as my transformation caused Zach to not recognize who I > was, I was growing to feel more and more like my true self. I began > to feel hope and joy like never before. People treated me > differently. Men (and some women) expressed interest in me > sexually. That was scary and exciting all at once. I could have let > myself become bitter with the resentment that these people would > never have found me attractive 153 pounds ago, but the truth is, I > didn't either, but not for physical reasons, but emotional ones. > > People have commented to me that I'm radiant. And it's true, not > because of what's outside, but what's on the inside. My body feels > wonderful like never before. I feed it and nourish it like it has > deserved for so many years. I joined the National AIDS Marathon > training program, and I run with 20- and 30-somethings. As we start > each run, a smile comes naturally to me as I feel the joy of flight. > My spirit is soaring as I run through the most beautiful areas of San > Francisco. As we run along the beach, I hear the wind whistling in > my ears, the ocean mist kissing my face, the colors of wild flowers > dazzling my eyes, the laughter of my pace group warming my heart. > > There is so much beauty and joy that sometimes I find it > overwhelming. How can this be happening to me? Why did God finally > hear my secret cries and take away my pain? Why has the isolation > and imprisonment been turned into a mind that expresses love to > itself, a heart that sings, a body that dances and a spirit that > soars? Sometimes it feels like there has been a beam of light that > has come down from heaven, and it illuminates me. I think that's why > people have said that I'm radiant. It's because I'm healthy, I smile > all the time, I feel good and I no longer wear a suit of armor made > of fat. I no longer wear my pain because I no longer eat my pain. > The radiance they see is freedom. > > The pain is still there. I experience pain like everyone else. When > I finally cried about the break up with Zach, each tear represented > searing pain like a knife tearing my heart to pieces. I felt so much > guilt about leaving the relationship. Then one of our kitties died. > Then Zach lost his job. > > There is nothing I can do about that except pray and turn it over to > God. I can only control what goes into my mouth, whether or not I > will exercise, and how I will talk to myself. As a friend said to > me, " You are not responsible for Zach's happiness; you are > responsible for YOUR happiness. You are responsible for taking care > of YOU. " > > Upon Dr. Gity's advice, I had reached out to build a new circle of > friends, to experience life as a normal-weighted person. She told us > that we need to be part of a group in which you are not a WLS > patient; you are just who you are. I am so much more that a " gastric > bypass poster child. " I joined a gay/lesbian square dance group. > I became a member of a church in San Francisco. I attended support > groups (online and in-person). And in my time of need, people > stepped forward to offer me a shoulder to cry on. The investment of > time and emotion into new, healthy friendships rendered the dividends > that I had hoped for—support, community, acceptance and love. > > Then came the icing on the cake (pardon that metaphor). After a > period of dating like a mad man, I had gone on a break from the mind > games of men and dating. I went on a church retreat looking for rest > and spiritual renewal. The first evening, I decided to take a nature > walk by myself. , a tall and handsome man of my church, asked > if he could join me. I said, " Sure. " > > and I had known each other since October of 2004, maybe a > little before. Interestingly, and I became members of the > church on the same Sunday. We actually stood next to each other > while we took our vows. It was October 17, 2004. I had reached my > goal weight on October 16, 2004, one day before. > > On the nature walk, and I made a connection that surprised us > both. We began talking about recovery, me from morbid obesity, him > from alcoholism. We both spoke the language of recovery. He > understood me in ways that others do not. While the substance may be > different, the basics of our programs remain the same. > > By the end of the nature walk, we had hugged. Soon thereafter we > were holding hands. Later in the evening we shared our first kiss. > By Sunday night, we had talked and shared so much that we decided it > was right for us to date exclusively—we became boyfriends. We've > shared so much since then. I had dinner with and his Mom, > and we really hit it off. She now refers to me a son #5 (she has > four sons). made dinner for my Mom, Dad and brother, and > they got along great. > > And so here I am, two years after my gastric bypass with a life I > never imagined. I have been blessed beyond measure, but not by > possessions, but with love. And it started when I began to believe > that this miracle would happen. I had no idea I was capable of such > courage, such strength, such fortitude. I had no idea that there > would be so much pain, so much loss. And I couldn't have imagined > that there would be so much love—no only from others, but from myself. > > Finally, the deep, gnawing hunger in my heart has begun to be > satisfied. I now know that food can never feed my soul. It was my > soul that was hungry for love, and I denied myself that love for way > too many years. Sure, I had the love of friends and family, but it > wasn't enough to take away the self-hatred that kept me fat and > unhealthy in mind, body and spirit. At long last I have given myself > that gift, the gift of loving myself for who I am, the way God made > me, just as I am, perfectly flawed, imperfectly flawless, deserving > of love for no other reason than this: I exist, and as such, I > deserve to be loved by others, but most importantly, I deserve the > self-love and self-esteem that can only come from within. At long > last, I finally love me. > > Thanks for reading. > > Francisco > At goal > www.aidsmarathon.com > runner 0024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2005 Report Share Posted June 26, 2005 Welcome back Francisco and than you so much for that incredible " introduction " It was very moving and quite inspirational. How terrific that you now have two wonderful new friends..... and Francisco! Best, Maggie n gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients , " Francisco " wrote: > Hey beautiful people! > > I'm back! There has been so much that I've been going through, but > now things seem to be calming down a bit. > > And it's time to get back into the swing of things as an active > member of this group. After all, I am a moderator of the group > (thanks, Shell). > > Hello to all new members. I wish you the best on your journey. > You're so lucky to have found this wonderful group of caring souls. > > Please allow me to introduce myself and update you long-timers on > where I am on my journey. I'm Francisco. I am 41 (soon to be 42 on > July 4th), and I had open RNY gastric bypass surgery on June 3, > 2003. I have lost a total of 153 lbs, and I have been at my goal > weight for 8 months. I have had two reconstructive surgeries: > abdominoplasty and gynecomastia, which I paid for out of pocket > ($14,000.00). > > Everything in my life has changed—my mind, body and spirit. I once > lived a half-life of unrealized dreams. I was a prisoner in my own > body, and I was desperate to find a way out. Thank God I learned > that Kaiser covered gastric bypass surgery. My transformation has > not been easy. Yes, my physical recovery was relatively smooth, but > the emotional arena has been where the real work needed and still > needs to be done. > > As the layers of fat melted off, I felt exposed as never before, and > my old buddy, lover, friend, soul mate—food—was no longer there to > comfort me. I had to find new ways of believing in myself, of > talking to myself, of caring for myself. > > I had to find new ways to experience joy, and I had to realize that > all the sorrow and regret of so many years of morbid obesity had to > be dealt with, without food. And the emotional pain didn't suddenly > go away because my surgeon rearranged my intestinal tract. I had to > believe that I could cry it out, feel the pain, and that I'd still be > OK. I also had to find new non-food-related interests that would > bring me joy. I had to begin to look for sources of inspiration. I > needed to find and take in every spark of happiness and beauty that I > could. I needed to learn that I didn't have to take in every ounce > of sorrow or make others' troubles my own. > > The physical transformation was rather quick, and I made sure that > the emotional and spiritual changes didn't lag behind. With the > weight loss, I experienced a great deal of personal loss: some old > friends (all morbidly obese) abandoned me, and I, in turn, cut them > out of my life. I was so wounded by their betrayal, but I could no > longer tolerate that kind of poison in my recovery process. Then > came the hardest part of my journey: my eleven-year long-term > relationship—my whole world of safety—came to an end. Zach, my > former partner, was just not on the same page with me anymore. He > didn't know me anymore. He said, " The old Francisco I knew and loved > is gone. It's like he died. I miss him. " The split, while > amicable, has caused me the greatest pain in this process so far. I > will always care for him because of the good person he is, but I > cannot share my life with someone who doesn't know me and does not > share my dreams. > > Ironically, as my transformation caused Zach to not recognize who I > was, I was growing to feel more and more like my true self. I began > to feel hope and joy like never before. People treated me > differently. Men (and some women) expressed interest in me > sexually. That was scary and exciting all at once. I could have let > myself become bitter with the resentment that these people would > never have found me attractive 153 pounds ago, but the truth is, I > didn't either, but not for physical reasons, but emotional ones. > > People have commented to me that I'm radiant. And it's true, not > because of what's outside, but what's on the inside. My body feels > wonderful like never before. I feed it and nourish it like it has > deserved for so many years. I joined the National AIDS Marathon > training program, and I run with 20- and 30-somethings. As we start > each run, a smile comes naturally to me as I feel the joy of flight. > My spirit is soaring as I run through the most beautiful areas of San > Francisco. As we run along the beach, I hear the wind whistling in > my ears, the ocean mist kissing my face, the colors of wild flowers > dazzling my eyes, the laughter of my pace group warming my heart. > > There is so much beauty and joy that sometimes I find it > overwhelming. How can this be happening to me? Why did God finally > hear my secret cries and take away my pain? Why has the isolation > and imprisonment been turned into a mind that expresses love to > itself, a heart that sings, a body that dances and a spirit that > soars? Sometimes it feels like there has been a beam of light that > has come down from heaven, and it illuminates me. I think that's why > people have said that I'm radiant. It's because I'm healthy, I smile > all the time, I feel good and I no longer wear a suit of armor made > of fat. I no longer wear my pain because I no longer eat my pain. > The radiance they see is freedom. > > The pain is still there. I experience pain like everyone else. When > I finally cried about the break up with Zach, each tear represented > searing pain like a knife tearing my heart to pieces. I felt so much > guilt about leaving the relationship. Then one of our kitties died. > Then Zach lost his job. > > There is nothing I can do about that except pray and turn it over to > God. I can only control what goes into my mouth, whether or not I > will exercise, and how I will talk to myself. As a friend said to > me, " You are not responsible for Zach's happiness; you are > responsible for YOUR happiness. You are responsible for taking care > of YOU. " > > Upon Dr. Gity's advice, I had reached out to build a new circle of > friends, to experience life as a normal-weighted person. She told us > that we need to be part of a group in which you are not a WLS > patient; you are just who you are. I am so much more that a " gastric > bypass poster child. " I joined a gay/lesbian square dance group. > I became a member of a church in San Francisco. I attended support > groups (online and in-person). And in my time of need, people > stepped forward to offer me a shoulder to cry on. The investment of > time and emotion into new, healthy friendships rendered the dividends > that I had hoped for—support, community, acceptance and love. > > Then came the icing on the cake (pardon that metaphor). After a > period of dating like a mad man, I had gone on a break from the mind > games of men and dating. I went on a church retreat looking for rest > and spiritual renewal. The first evening, I decided to take a nature > walk by myself. , a tall and handsome man of my church, asked > if he could join me. I said, " Sure. " > > and I had known each other since October of 2004, maybe a > little before. Interestingly, and I became members of the > church on the same Sunday. We actually stood next to each other > while we took our vows. It was October 17, 2004. I had reached my > goal weight on October 16, 2004, one day before. > > On the nature walk, and I made a connection that surprised us > both. We began talking about recovery, me from morbid obesity, him > from alcoholism. We both spoke the language of recovery. He > understood me in ways that others do not. While the substance may be > different, the basics of our programs remain the same. > > By the end of the nature walk, we had hugged. Soon thereafter we > were holding hands. Later in the evening we shared our first kiss. > By Sunday night, we had talked and shared so much that we decided it > was right for us to date exclusively—we became boyfriends. We've > shared so much since then. I had dinner with and his Mom, > and we really hit it off. She now refers to me a son #5 (she has > four sons). made dinner for my Mom, Dad and brother, and > they got along great. > > And so here I am, two years after my gastric bypass with a life I > never imagined. I have been blessed beyond measure, but not by > possessions, but with love. And it started when I began to believe > that this miracle would happen. I had no idea I was capable of such > courage, such strength, such fortitude. I had no idea that there > would be so much pain, so much loss. And I couldn't have imagined > that there would be so much love—no only from others, but from myself. > > Finally, the deep, gnawing hunger in my heart has begun to be > satisfied. I now know that food can never feed my soul. It was my > soul that was hungry for love, and I denied myself that love for way > too many years. Sure, I had the love of friends and family, but it > wasn't enough to take away the self-hatred that kept me fat and > unhealthy in mind, body and spirit. At long last I have given myself > that gift, the gift of loving myself for who I am, the way God made > me, just as I am, perfectly flawed, imperfectly flawless, deserving > of love for no other reason than this: I exist, and as such, I > deserve to be loved by others, but most importantly, I deserve the > self-love and self-esteem that can only come from within. At long > last, I finally love me. > > Thanks for reading. > > Francisco > At goal > www.aidsmarathon.com > runner 0024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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