TO MY SPECIAL FRIENDS!!!

[Guest guest]

Hello Friends,

Well, my re-birth day is May 19th. I had been living in fear of a

heart attack or stroke or something for a couple of years. I prayed

about it constantly. In the past two years I made several last ditch

efforts to get the weight off. I could not do it. In my last

effort, I signed up for Weight Watchers (yes again) with a friend. I

could even go - I realized I didn't even want to lose another pound.

I knew that what ever I lost would come back with extra. I could not

face the inevitable - which was gaining more weight in the end and

the humiliation associated with yet another failure. I became more

depressed. I would have settled to stay the weight I am, except for

two things: 1) My weight has never stayed the same. It has ALWAYS

either been on the way up or on the way down. and 2) I was feeling

the effects of this morbid obesity on my health.

One day I was riding down the road and I was hit with the

overwhelming feeling that I needed to research Bariatric Surgery.

(The answer to my pray - THANK YOU GOD!) Although the idea did not

thrill me, I did think that it made sense to make an offensive charge

in this battle - since my defensive stance was very weak.

After researching for several days - I found MGB and Dr. Rutledge. I

was elated. I read and re-read every detail on the website - then I

would go back to the other WLS sites for comparison purposes. It

took very little time to determine that MGB is the best!! My next

step was to join the ONElist. That was a very good move.

You guys have been great!! It took me five times to get my patient

info submitted. A couple of those times I guess I just wasn't ready

enough. The other two times I just made some mistakes that caused me

to lose the info before submission. By that time I was really ready

- so I asked a few questions of the group and was able to submit it

easily. My PCP and family are all very supportive.

It took only about 3 weeks for approval from my insurance, including

a denial at first. I have Trigon BCBS. So. . . . tomorrow I leave

VA for Durham. I am excited, but I am not afraid.

Well, now that everyone knows what brought me to this point - I will

get to the point of this posting. I wanted to tell everyone how much

I appreciate you. Many of you have been my post-op contacts. I have

found so much encouragement in your successes. I have talked with

many of you on the chatline and enjoyed every minute of it. I've

done the personal e-mail thing with a bunch of you and I thank you

for your time and input. Then there are even many of you that I have

not had a direct communication exchange with - I have learned a great

deal from you too.

I have read every single post since I first started. When the group

gets into a little flicker (that which comes before a flame) I get a

little nauseated. I do have my opinion on things - but just do not

participate at that time. But we really do need to take a look at

both sides of everything. I appreciate those of you who are willing

to bring up " controversial " issues and even more so, I appreciate the

" peace makers " - those of you who value every single person who ever

gets on this list - and won't let anyone go away hurt, angry or

unhappy.

I appreciate those of you who always have such inspirational things

to say. I appreciate those of you who are willing to get silly -

just to lighten things up for us a bit. I really apprecaite those of

you who are willing to take on a project for the group - like the

memorial fund - like the good PCP list and like the surgery date

list.

What it boils down to is that I have found pretty much unconditional

acceptance for myself and for others on this list - and that is

amazing. Thank you all for that.

I am looking so forward to joining my post-op friends on the brighter

side - but I pray that I never forget where I came from. And that I

will always remember there are still people out there in tremendous

pain. . .people who have not found their way to MGB or the list yet.

As we pray for ourselves, let's always remember to pray for those who

have not yet even seen a ray of hope.

Sorry this is so long ( especially since it does not contain any

profound information or inspiration). I am not afraid - but I guess

I felt the need to calm myself by talking to you all.

Thank you for being there - every single one of you!!! It will not

be easy to do - but I am going to try to stay off the computer until

I return to VA as a post-op. I still have many loose ends to tie up

before I leave for Durham. I may not be able to stay away though.

Love to all,

Carolyn

05/19/00

Let go and let God!