Re: Digest Number 1400

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In a message dated 5/24/00 9:50 PM EDT, MiniGastricBypass (AT) e wrote:

<< Your assessment is right about the folks on this list! They are

WONDERFUL!!

Welcome and feel free to jump right in! >>

Hello MGB List ~

What an amazing and supportive group you have here!!!! I have been reading

your posts on the list and can't thank you enough for sharing your experience

with others via the Internet. Isn't modern technology wonderful?! I visited

Dr. Rutledge's web site recently and as I read the personal stories, I

couldn't believe how similar they were to my own. We have fought so many of

the same battles and I admire you all for taking the steps necessary to

change your life.

Food addiction is a terrible sickness that slowly destroys your life, your

health and your feelings of self worth. I believe that ONLY those who have

experienced it can truly understand the private agony of the obese person.

Recently, a concerned friend suggested that I have Gastric Bypass surgery so

I have been investigating the possibilities. What an unexpected surprise to

find Dr. Rutledge and this list.

It's so encouraging to know that there are people out there who truly

understand what I'm going through. I thought perhaps some of you would be

kind enough to advise me about this procedure. Just a bit of background . . .

I was very small as a child but began to gain weight in my early teens after

my parents divorced. Food seemed to be the only thing that brought me comfort

and I started eating for emotional reasons. It's a terrible habit that I have

never been able to break.

Although I have battled weight most of my life, it is only in the last five

years that I have been completely out of control. Objectively, I know that I

am an intelligent, talented and driven person. I'm also fortunate enough to

have a wonderful family and circle of friends. Yet, I have this ONE AREA of

my life that I simply cannot control - my mouth!!! Drugs, cigarettes and

alcohol hold no fascination for me. However, I could possibly drown myself in

a bowl of spaghetti! LOL It just makes no sense!

I am a singer and musician. I've worked a lot as a soloist and traveled with

a number of professional groups over the years. Currently, I sing with a

gospel group call " Song Of Praise " . However, my escalating weight has been

such a stumbling block professionally. Not just because it's a competitive

and " looks oriented " world out there, but because insecurities about my size

makes performing a nightmare for me. This weight has robbed me of what I love

to do the most . . . SING!

Every day I think, " How can I keep doing this to myself! " It causes you to

internalize so much self hate! You look out at other people who have the

discipline to control their lives and make their dreams a reality. Sometimes

the pain and frustration is more than I can bear! Each day I grow more and

more depressed as my dreams fade into the distance. I know I have to do

something NOW before it's too late.

I'm 37 years old and relatively healthy other than severe sleep apnea.

Physically I feel exhausted all the time. Carrying around this extra weight

just wears me out. I'm 5'7 " and weigh about 340 pounds. Currently, I'm

taking Prozac to help battle the depression and severe mood swings. I take no

other medications and have no history of any other serious illness.

Do you think the surgery is worth the risks involved??? I wonder how do you

handle the food cravings after the surgery? That is my greatest fear. Please

let me know your thoughts. I realize life is hectic for everyone but I would

really appreciate any advice that you could give. This weight is driving me

crazy. Performing is especially difficult now because your can't hide when

you walk out on that stage!!! Which is exactly why I'm doing it less and

less! : (

I pray that MGB and Dr. Rutledge can help me take control of this problem and

regain my life. I look forward to your feedback. Always know my thoughts and

prayers are with each of you and congratulations on your progress!

Best regards, Teilah Shirley

Columbia, South Carolina

Web Site: http://members.aol.com/sgofpraise/