Guest guest Posted May 14, 2000 Report Share Posted May 14, 2000 Sometimes, it's best to take on things alone and leave your spouse to hold down the fort. I think that some spouses worry so much and are so uncomfortable around us when we're hurting or injured that they can't express their true concerns for us. They end up acting/sounding very uncaring. They certainly wouldn't choose to do that; they just can't handle having us " laid up. " For some spouses, having to spend time in the doctor's office or a hospital is worse than having a root canal without novacaine. These folks are so uncomfortable in those settings that they would leave their right arm and leg behind just to be able to run out the door. Recognize the strengths of your husband; celebrate those. Honor his differences from your own likes/dislikes. In this relationship business, we wives get mega-points for allowing our dear husbands some breathing room when it comes to things like hospitals and doctors. I have a dear friend who's husband might have been the " model " for the character Jack Nicholson played in " As Good As It Gets. " This husband is a gem...but he is WAY too tightly wound. He just can't give her the expected or appropriate response to her own pain, tiredness or crisis. He could cut his tongue out after he says a negative thing; he would completely re-do the poor behaviour...but he is so dependent upon her that when it looks as though she's going to be sick or have difficulties, he loses it. They've worked out a system that helps them deal with his insecurities and obsessive behaviour. If our husbands are not comfortable with us during our hospital/doctor stays...then why not let them relax at home? As you say, consider it all a little vacation from one another. If we don't make a big deal out of it; if we support their need to stay further away from such threatening situations, our husbands will out-do themselves in caring for us in the ways that they CAN handle. My husband HATES to work on the cars. I don't put him through that. He has other things that he does like to do for me around the house and yard. Once I started taking the cars in for routine maintenence from the professionals, my husband's attitude softened considerably. He'd been trying to be " manly " and save some money by doing routine maintenence himself. What he didn't want to admit to me was that he HATED it; he kept telling me that he didn't want to spend the money when he could do it himself. One day, he asked how the cars were doing...since I hadn't asked him to change oil or any routine thing for several months. I told him that I was having those things done by a reputable garage...because I didn't want him to be burdened; I'd noticed how much he'd had to bring home from the office lately and how busy his schedule had been. It took the weight off his back to be " manly " and " know " how to handle routine car maintenence; it gave him time to do things that he did enjoy...and we have less friction over something that has to be done very three months...car oil changes/filter changes...etc. So, ladies...why not spoil our men a bit? If we can tell that something is really uncomfortable for him...why put him through it? Come up with another method of handling it! Going to the hospital by yourself and having some " down time " with a good book sure sounds like a winner to me! Dee in MI. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2000 Report Share Posted May 14, 2000 In a message dated 5/14/2000 11:17:02 AM Eastern Daylight Time, yarnmama@... writes: << Changes...etc..... So, ladies...why not spoil our men a bit? If we can tell that something is really uncomfortable for him...why put him through it? Come up with another method of handling it! Going to the hospital by yourself and having some " down time " with a good book sure sounds like a winner to me! Dee in MI. >> Dee, My Husband is soooo Spoiled, He had a maintenance business and his blood pressure was so high I made give it up. He is now my assistant, He gets to put around play with the kids, run errands and if IM to busy he shows homes for me. I call him my partner because everything he does is important to me, and believe me I make sure he knows it. Dee he is so spoiled If I have time I lay out his clothes for him, I cook for him, I even watch his silly shows with him. So believe me if the Doc would say let him stay at home I would in a minute! He is so worried about the kids getting their activities and work, IM not For years I just take my laptop and cell phone and as long as I can fax or E-mail were in business. Thanks for sharing Dee! Trisha Lanman praying Dr. R. will help me to the other side soon!!! Las Vegas NV Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2000 Report Share Posted May 14, 2000 Hi Dee! I loved this post! My husband is a worry wart too but he shuts down and gets very quiet. I take this as passivity and get mad that i have to handle everything!! I know he loves me and I don't know how he would handle things if I were gone. That's why I'm having the surgery and getting healthy so I can live a very long time and grow old with him, watching my girls grow and blossom into incredible adults!! Have a great day! > Sometimes, it's best to take on things alone and leave your spouse to hold > down the fort. I think that some spouses worry so much and are so > uncomfortable around us when we're hurting or injured that they can't express > their true concerns for us. They end up acting/sounding very uncaring. They > certainly wouldn't choose to do that; they just can't handle having us " laid > up. " For some spouses, having to spend time in the doctor's office or a > hospital is worse than having a root canal without novacaine. These folks > are so uncomfortable in those settings that they would leave their right arm > and leg behind just to be able to run out the door. > > Recognize the strengths of your husband; celebrate those. Honor his > differences from your own likes/dislikes. In this relationship business, we > wives get mega-points for allowing our dear husbands some breathing room when > it comes to things like hospitals and doctors. I have a dear friend who's > husband might have been the " model " for the character Jack Nicholson played > in " As Good As It Gets. " This husband is a gem...but he is WAY too tightly > wound. He just can't give her the expected or appropriate response to her > own pain, tiredness or crisis. He could cut his tongue out after he says a > negative thing; he would completely re-do the poor behaviour...but he is so > dependent upon her that when it looks as though she's going to be sick or > have difficulties, he loses it. They've worked out a system that helps them > deal with his insecurities and obsessive behaviour. > > If our husbands are not comfortable with us during our hospital/doctor > stays...then why not let them relax at home? As you say, consider it all a > little vacation from one another. If we don't make a big deal out of it; if > we support their need to stay further away from such threatening situations, > our husbands will out-do themselves in caring for us in the ways that they > CAN handle. My husband HATES to work on the cars. I don't put him through > that. He has other things that he does like to do for me around the house > and yard. Once I started taking the cars in for routine maintenence from the > professionals, my husband's attitude softened considerably. He'd been > trying to be " manly " and save some money by doing routine maintenence > himself. What he didn't want to admit to me was that he HATED it; he kept > telling me that he didn't want to spend the money when he could do it > himself. One day, he asked how the cars were doing...since I hadn't asked > him to change oil or any routine thing for several months. I told him that I > was having those things done by a reputable garage...because I didn't want > him to be burdened; I'd noticed how much he'd had to bring home from the > office lately and how busy his schedule had been. It took the weight off his > back to be " manly " and " know " how to handle routine car maintenence; it gave > him time to do things that he did enjoy...and we have less friction over > something that has to be done very three months...car oil changes/filter > changes...etc. So, ladies...why not spoil our men a bit? If we can tell > that something is really uncomfortable for him...why put him through it? > Come up with another method of handling it! Going to the hospital by > yourself and having some " down time " with a good book sure sounds like a > winner to me! Dee in MI. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.